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爱之声

所属:情感空间 作者:Cynthia Laughlin 阅读:3627 次 评论:3 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

小编摘要:天底下的母亲没有两样,都爱着自己的孩子,可是对一个孩子有自闭症的母亲来说,一句“我爱你,妈妈”,胜过一切,这是爱的声音。

母爱 

 

 

我和天底下的母亲并没什么两样。
I was no different from any other mother.
在我的儿子斯凯勒出世时,我就开始期待着他学会说话的那天。我丈夫和我想象着他第一次甜蜜地叫我们"妈妈"或"爸爸"。每一句对儿子的大声呼喊或低声细语都是在向他灌输说话的概念。
When my little boy, Skyler, was born, I longed for the day he would talk to me. My husband and I dreamed about the first sweet "Mama" or "Dada." Every cry or coo was a small glimpse into my son's mind.
由于斯凯勒出生时就有一些健康问题,所以我的宝贝发出的喧闹声对我来说更加珍贵。起初,健康问题使得他的发育迟缓,但安全地解决了这些问题之后,我期望他学会说话,但他一直没有说过话。
My baby's noises were even more precious to me because Skyler had been born with several health problems. At first, the problems had delayed his development, but once they were safely behind us, I looked forward to my son's first words. They didn't come.
在3岁时,斯凯勒被诊断为自闭症,自出生以来,发育上的不足注定影响了他的社交和情感的健康发展。斯凯勒不能说话,或者他不愿意说话。我可能根本就不会听到他讲出任何话语。某天,在一间商店里,我听到一个小孩叫"妈妈,"我就感到好奇,我儿子的叫声是不是也会像这个声音。我想知道,当儿子大声叫我时,我会是个什么样的感觉。
At age three, Skyler was diagnosed autistic, a developmental disability destined to affect his social and emotional well-being his entire life. Skyler couldn't talk - wouldn't talk. I would probably never hear any words from him at all. In a store, I would hear a child calling "Mommy," and I would wonder if that were what my little boy might sound like. I wondered how it would feel to hear my child call out for me.
但如果不是因为自闭症有其它症状特征(斯凯勒不喜欢有任何情感接触),我会学着接受他不能说话的事实。他不喜欢被抱着,更喜欢躺在床上或坐在他的玩具车上。他常常看都不看我,有时候,他甚至把我当成透明的。
But I could have learned to live with his silence if it weren't for another hallmark characteristic of autism: Skyler formed no attachments. He didn't want to be held, much preferring to lie in his bed or sit in his car seat. He wouldn't look at me; sometimes, he even looked through me.
有一次,我带他去看医生,和我们交谈的一名专科医生正好跟我体形、年纪和发色都差不多。在我们离开时,斯凯勒竟然走向她身边--他分辨不出我和那名医生的不同。在斯凯勒3岁时,他去爱荷华州参加了残障儿童的"勇敢者露营"活动,但他回来之后甚至不认得我了。这种痛苦几乎是无法承受的。我自己的儿子竟然不认识他的母亲。
Once, when I took him to the doctor, we talked to a specialist who was my size, age and who had the same hair color. When it was time to go, Skyler went to her instead of me - he couldn't tell us apart. When Skyler was three, he spent three days at Camp Courageous for disabled children in Iowa, and when he returned he didn't even recognize me. The pain was almost unbearable. My own son didn't even know I was his mother.
我藏起内心的痛苦,我们尽了最大的努力来帮助斯凯勒。我们为他在当地的教育幼儿园报了名,园内的教师和语言病理学家努力地帮助斯凯勒与他周围的世界建立联系。他们教斯凯勒用图片、电脑发音机和手语来表达自己。这些设备使我了解到了些许斯凯勒的世界,即使他不认识我是谁。那位语言病理学家坚称,"他总有一天会学会说话的,"但在我的心里,我已经放弃了希望。
I hid the pain, and we did the best we could for Skyler. We enrolled him in our local area educational agency preschool, where the teachers and speech pathologist worked hard to help Skyler connect with the world around him. They used pictures and computer voice-machines that spoke for him, and sign language. These devices gave me little glimpses of who Skyler was, even if he didn't understand who I was. "He will talk," the speech pathologist insisted, but inside, I had given up hope.
有一个梦始终在我的脑海中挥之不去,在梦中,斯凯勒知道了我是他母亲。即使我从来没有听到他叫过我,"妈妈,"我希望他能认出我是他母亲。
The one dream I couldn't let go was to have Skyler understand that I was his mom. Even if I never heard him say, "Mom," I wanted to see the recognition in his eyes.
在斯凯勒4岁的那个夏天,他开始对事物有了认知。一种积郁已久的认知感在他的思想中开始流露出来,在我们的努力和鼓励之下,他对事物的认知稳定地发展。当他刚开始讲话时,我几乎听不出是什么意思,经常与上下文不沾边,声音也不是自然而然地发出的。然后,慢慢地,他能够指着一个物件,说出一个单词。然后,他用两个单词组合成一个问题,自然而然地发声。一天又一天地过去,他说出的有意义的单词也越来越多,他还使用语言来说明图片和询问问题。我们看得出来他的理解能力逐渐增强,他开始用眼睛望向我的眼睛,寻求认知。
The summer of Skyler's fourth year was when it started. A smoldering ember of understanding in him sparked, and fanned by our efforts, steadily flamed. His first words were hardly recognizable, often out of context, never spontaneous. Then, slowly, he could point to an item and say a word. Then two words together as a request. Then spontaneous words. Each day, he added more and more recognizable words, using them to identify pictures and ask questions. We could see his understanding increase, till his eyes would seek out mine, wanting to comprehend.
"你,妈妈?"有一天他说道。
"You Mom?" he said one day.
"是呀,斯凯勒,我是妈妈。"
"Yes, Skyler, I'm Mom."
然后,他问他的老师和护理人员:"你,妈妈?"
He asked his teachers and caregivers: "You Mom?"
"不,斯凯勒,不是妈妈。"
"No, Skyler, not Mom."
"你,我的妈妈?"他又对我说。
"You my Mom?" he said back to me.
"是的,斯凯勒,我是你妈妈。"
"Yes, Skyler, I'm your Mom."
终于,在他眼中闪现出了对这个词的理解:"你,我的妈妈。"
And finally, a rush of understanding in his eyes: "You my Mom."
"是的,斯凯勒,我是你的妈妈。"
"Yes, Skyler, I'm your Mom."
如果从那时起,斯凯勒只会说这几个词,对我来说也已经足够了:我的儿子知道我是他的母亲。
If those had been Skyler's only words ever, they would have been enough for me: My son knew I was his mother.
但斯凯勒没有停止对认知的探索。
But Skyler wasn't done.
一天晚上,我靠在斯凯勒房间的床头板上,双手环抱着他,他舒服地蜷缩在我两腿之间。我们的身体互相依偎着,温暖而舒适,我为他朗读一本他最喜爱的书-母子间特有的温情一幕,但由于斯凯勒的自闭症,我从来没有认为那种场景是理所当然的。
One evening I leaned against the headboard on Skyler's bed, my arms wrapped around him. He was cozily tucked between my legs, our bodies warm and snug as I read to him from one of his favorite books - a typical affectionate scene between mother and son, but because of Skyler's autism, one that I could never take for granted.
我的朗读被斯凯勒打断了,他向后斜过头来,看着我的眼睛。
I stopped reading. Skyler had interrupted me, leaning back his head so he could look me in the eye.
"怎么了,斯凯勒?"
"Yes, Skyler?"
这时,传来了一句天使之声,是我儿子发出的声音:"我爱你,妈妈。"
And then the voice of an angel, the voice of my son: "I love you, Mom."
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2011-03-11 09:48 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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