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生命的烙印

所属:成长励志 作者: Diana Golde 阅读:3358 次 评论:0 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

小编摘要:我们每个人都被生活打上来烙印;只是有些更加清晰可见而已。我们的伤疤真的意义重大。它告诉我们,我们还活着,我们没有逃避生活。当我们仔细地去看我们的伤疤时,就像我那天所做的一样,我们就会在那里发现自己独一

 

 

 

 

在美国残疾人滑雪队的队友们经常取笑我胸小,她们开玩笑说,我最大的残疾不是失去了一条小腿,而是缺少迷人的乳沟。但她们并没想到不久之后发生的事情。在过去的一年,在我仅有的岁月中,我又一次遭遇了癌症,这次是在两个乳房上。我需要做乳房切除手术。
My teammates on the United States Disabled Ski Team used to tease me about the size of my chest, joking that my greatest handicap wasn't my missing leg but my missing cleavage. Little did they know how true that would become. This past year, I found out that for the second time in my life I had cancer, this time in both breasts. I had bilateral mastectomies.
当得知要动手术时,我并没有把它当回事儿。我甚至和朋友开玩笑说,"我会让你随时了解最新情况的。"毕竟,在我十二岁的时候就因为癌扩散而失去了一条腿,然而后来却努力成了一名世界级的滑雪运动员。残疾人滑雪队的每一个成员都失去了身体的某个部分。我曾看见一个坐在轮椅上的男人可以完全正常的做爱,而一个没有双手的妇女在生活中表现的却完全像一个正常人。那些残疾人对失去的那部分身体已无能为力,但是在精神上他们却是完整健康的。尽管我知道这些,但我却没料想到要完全适应身上这些新的伤疤竟然那么困难。
When I heard I'd need the surgery, I didn't think it would be a big deal. I even told my friends playfully, "I'll keep you abreast of the situation." After all, I had lost my leg to my first go-round with cancer at age 12, then gone on to become a world-champion ski racer. All of us on the Disabled Ski Team were missing one set of body parts or another. I saw that a man in a wheelchair can be utterly sexy. That a woman who has no hands can appear not to be missing anything. That wholeness has nothing to do with missing parts and everything to do with spirit. Yet although I knew this, I was surprised to discover how difficult it was to adjust to my new scars.
从手术中醒来,我开始哭泣,呼吸变得急促。突然间,我发现我不敢去面对又一次的失去。我不想再接受化疗。我不要勇敢,不要坚强,不要努力去做出迷人的笑脸。我甚至不愿再醒过来。我的呼吸变得断续紊乱,麻醉师给我戴上氧气,然后,我又睡着了。
When they brought me back to consciousness after the surgery, I started to sob and hyperventilate. Suddenly I found that I didn't want to face the loss of more of my body. I didn't want chemotherapy again. I didn't want to be brave and tough and put on a perpetual smiling face. I didn't ever want to wake up again. My breathing grew so shaky that the anesthesiologist gave me oxygen and then, thankfully, put me back to sleep.
当我在一些山坡上做短距离的快速跑时,我感觉自己的心脏,肺还有腿部的肌肉都像着了火一样,有时候我会陷入深深的绝望,感觉身体里再也没有能促使我前进的动力了。然后我会想起将要面对的比赛--我梦想能把自己的潜能发挥到极致,梦想能克服自身的缺陷--用这些想法来摆脱那种绝望。让我在比赛中克服重重困难的那种坚韧,现在又帮着我去战胜这又一次的癌症。
When I was doing hill sprints to prepare for my ski racing - my heart and lungs and leg muscles all on fire - I'd often be hit by the sensation that there were no resources left inside me with which to keep going. Then I'd think about the races ahead - my dream of pushing my potential as far as it could go, the satisfaction of breaking through my own barriers - and that would get me through the sprints. The same tenacity that served me so well in ski racing helped me survive my second bout with cancer.
手术过后,我想只有开始锻炼才能让自己走出阴影,继续前进,然后我去了当地的一个公共浴池。在那里,我发现自己生平第一次开始注意其他女人的胸,D罩杯的,A罩杯的,下垂着的,挺拔的。突然,在失去一条腿这么多年之后,我第一次强烈的意识到自己的残缺。我不敢脱衣服。
After the mastectomies, I knew that one way to get myself going would be to start exercising again, so I headed for the local pool. In the communal shower, I found myself noticing other women's breasts for the first time in my life. Size-D breasts and size-A breasts, sagging breasts and perky breasts. Suddenly and for the first time, after all these years of missing a leg, I felt acutely self-conscious. I couldn't bring myself to undress.
最终,我下定决心去面对自己。那天晚上,我在家里脱光了衣服,长久的盯着镜子里的那个女人。她就像一个阴阳人。就拿我的脸来说--不用化妆,就是一张漂亮的男生的脸。长久的架拐生活,让我的肩膀,胳膊和手变得肌肉发达,强壮有力。我没有乳房;但在我的胸膛上却留着两个突出的伤疤。我有着性感的平平的小肚子,圆滚滚的屁股和常年比赛锻炼出来的强壮的大腿。而我的左腿在膝盖的位置留着另一个长长的伤疤。
I decided it was time to confront myself. That night at home, I took off all my clothes and had a long look at the woman in the mirror. She was androgynous. Take my face - without makeup, it was a cute young boy's face. My shoulder muscles, arms and hands were powerful and muscular from the crutches. I had no breasts; instead, there were two prominent scars on my chest. I had a sexy flat stomach, a bubble butt and a well-developed thigh from years of ski racing. My right leg ended in another long scar just above the knee.
我发现自己爱上了这男女难辨的身体。这很符合我的性格--我有着好斗的男性的一面,喜欢带着头盔,全幅武装去参加滑雪障碍赛,而我也有着温柔的女性的一面,渴望有一天能有个孩子,想要穿上漂亮的丝绸裙子,和爱人一起去晚餐,然后躺在床上,任由他慢慢的脱掉自己的衣服。
I discovered that I liked my androgynous body. It fit my personality - my aggressive male side that loves getting dressed in a helmet, arm guards and shin protectors to do battle with the slalom gates, and my gentle female side that longs to have children one day and wants to dress up in a beautiful silk dress, go out to dinner with a lover and then lie back and be slowly undressed by him.
我发现胸部和腿部的伤疤对我来说意义重大。它们是我生命的烙印。我们每个人都被生活打上来烙印;只是有些更加清晰可见而已。我们的伤疤真的意义重大。它告诉我们,我们还活着,我们没有逃避生活。当我们仔细地去看我们的伤疤时,就像我那天所做的一样,我们就会在那里发现自己独一无二的美。
I found that the scars on my chest and my leg were a big deal. They were my marks of life. All of us are scarred by life; it's just that some of those scars show more clearly than others. Our scars do matter. They tell us that we have lived, that we haven't hidden from life. When we see our scars plainly, we can find in them, as I did that day, our own unique beauty.
再去浴池的时候,我终于可以脱光衣服洗澡了。
The next time I went to the pool I showered naked.
标签:生命 烙印
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2011-03-09 14:03 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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