全书最后一章：《人性的弱点》第6篇 第7章 不要做一个「婚姻的文盲」
Dr Katherine Bement Davis, general secretary of the Bureau of SocialHygiene, once induced a thousand married women to reply veryfrankly to a set of intimate questions. The result was shocking梐nincredibly shocking comment upon the sexual unhappiness of theaverage American adult. After perusing the answers she receivedfrom these thousand married women, Dr Davis published withouthesitation her conviction that one of the chief causes of divorce inthis country is physical mismating.
Dr G. V. Hamilton's survey verifies this finding. Dr Hamilton spentfour years studying the marriages of one hundred men and onehundred women. He asked these men and women individuallysomething like four hundred questions concerning their married lives,and discussed their problems exhaustively梥o exhaustively that thewhole investigation took four years. This work was considered soimportant sociologically that it was financed by a group of leadingphilanthropists. You can read the results of the experiment in What'sWrong with Marriage? by Dr G.V. Hamilton and Kenneth Macgowan.
Well, what is wrong with marriage? "It would take a very prejudicedand very reckless psychiatrist," says Dr Hamilton, "to say that mostmarried friction doesn't find its source in sexual maladjustment. Atany rate, the frictions which arise from other difficulties would beignored in many, many cases if the sexual relation itself weresatisfactory."
Dr Paul Popenoe, as head of the Institute of Family Relations in LosAngeles, has reviewed thousands of marriages and he is one ofAmerica's foremost authorities on home life. According to DrPopenoe, failure in marriage is usually due to four causes. He liststhem in this order:
1. Sexual maladjustment.
2. Difference of opinion as to the way of spending leisure time.
3. Financial difficulties.
4. Mental, physical, or emotional abnormalities.
Notice that sex comes first; and that, strangely enough, money difficulties come only third on the list.All authorities on divorce agree upon the absolute necessity forsexual compatibility. For example, a few years ago Judge Hoffman ofthe Domestic Relations Court of Cincinnati- man who has listenedto thousands of domestic tragedies-nnounced: "Nine out of tendivorces are caused by sexual troubles."
"Sex," says the famous psychologist, John B. Watson, "is admittedlythe most important subject in life. It is admittedly the thing whichcauses the most ship-wrecks in the happiness of men and women."And I have heard a number of practicing physicians in speechesbefore my own classes say practically the same thing. Isn't it pitiful,then, that in the twentieth century, with all of our books and all ofour education, marriages should be destroyed and lives wrecked byignorance concerning this most primal and natural instinct?
The Rev. Oliver M. Butterfield after eighteen years as a Methodistminister gave up his pulpit to direct the Family Guidance Service inNew York City, and he has probably married as many young peopleas any man living. He says:
"Early in my experience as a minister I discovered that, in spite ofromance and good intentions, many couples who come to themarriage altar are matrimonial illiterates." Matrimonial illiterates!And he continues: "When you consider that we leave the highlydifficult adjustment of marriage so largely to chance, the marvel isthat our divorce rate is only 16 per cent. An appalling number ofhusbands and wives are not really married but simply undivorced:they live in a sort of purgatory."
"Happy marriages," says Dr Butterfield, "are rarely the product ofchance: they are architectural in that they are intelligently anddeliberately planned."
To assist in this planning, Dr Butterfield has for years insisted thatany couple he marries must discuss with him frankly their plans forthe future. And it was as a result of these discussions that he cameto the conclusion that so many of the high contracting parties were"matrimonial illiterates."
"Sex," says Dr Butterfield, "is but one of the many satisfactions inmarried life, but unless this relationship is right, nothing else can beright."
But how to get it right? "Sentimental reticence"—I'm still quoting DrButterfield?must be replaced by an ability to discuss objectivelyand with detachment attitudes and practices of married life. There isno way in which this ability can be better acquired than through abook of sound learning and good taste. I keep on hand several ofthese books in addition to a supply of my own booklet, Marriage andSexual Harmony.
"Of all the books that are available, the three that seem to me mostsatisfactory for general reading are: The Sex Technique in Marriageby Isabel E. Hutton; The Sexual Side of Marriage by Max Exner; TheSex Factor in Marriage by Helena Wright."
So,Rule 7 of "How to Make Your Home Life Happier" is: 'Read a goodbook on the sexual side of marriage.
2011-02-16 14:59 编辑：kuaileyingyu
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