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全书最后一章:《人性的弱点》第6篇 第7章 不要做一个「婚姻的文盲」

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小编摘要:如果要使你家庭更幸福、美满,那第七项规则是: 阅读一本有关婚姻中性生活方面的好书。



台维斯博士,她是社会卫生机构的总秘书。有一次,她劝导一千位女士,坦白的回答一些有关她们切身的问题。所获得的结果,令人惊诧……几乎是使人难以置信。那是一般美国成年人的的性生活都不快乐。
Dr Katherine Bement Davis, general secretary of the Bureau of SocialHygiene, once induced a thousand married women to reply veryfrankly to a set of intimate questions. The result was shocking梐nincredibly shocking comment upon the sexual unhappiness of theaverage American adult. After perusing the answers she receivedfrom these thousand married women, Dr Davis published withouthesitation her conviction that one of the chief causes of divorce inthis country is physical mismating.
当台维斯收到这一千个妇女的回答后,她郑重的发表了她的见解……她指出美国离婚案件主要的原因,是生理上配合的错误。
Dr G. V. Hamilton's survey verifies this finding. Dr Hamilton spentfour years studying the marriages of one hundred men and onehundred women. He asked these men and women individuallysomething like four hundred questions concerning their married lives,and discussed their problems exhaustively梥o exhaustively that thewhole investigation took four years. This work was considered soimportant sociologically that it was financed by a group of leadingphilanthropists. You can read the results of the experiment in What'sWrong with Marriage? by Dr G.V. Hamilton and Kenneth Macgowan.
汉弥顿博士的研究结果,也证实有这样的事实存在。他费了四年的时间,从一百个男人,和一百个女人,他们结婚后的性生活中,找到了这个明确的答案。
Well, what is wrong with marriage? "It would take a very prejudicedand very reckless psychiatrist," says Dr Hamilton, "to say that mostmarried friction doesn't find its source in sexual maladjustment. Atany rate, the frictions which arise from other difficulties would beignored in many, many cases if the sexual relation itself weresatisfactory."
汉弥顿提出大约有四百个问题,分别问各个男女,关于他们婚后的性生活;同时,也详细讨论他们所提出的各项问题。这项研究,费了四年的时间,而这件工作被认为在社会学上极为重要,所以引起各慈善家所注意,纷纷解囊资助。
Dr Paul Popenoe, as head of the Institute of Family Relations in LosAngeles, has reviewed thousands of marriages and he is one ofAmerica's foremost authorities on home life. According to DrPopenoe, failure in marriage is usually due to four causes. He liststhem in this order:
你若是想要知道这项实验的结果,你不妨看看汉弥顿和麦克哥文,他们所着的「婚姻的症结是什么」一书。
1. Sexual maladjustment.
婚姻的症结是什么?汉弥顿博士说:
2. Difference of opinion as to the way of spending leisure time.
「大多数婚后的冲突,并非由于性的配合错误--那只是武断、疏忽的精神病理学家的
3. Financial difficulties.
意见。也就是访,如果夫妇之间,性生活十分美满,其它许多小的冲突,亦自然地消失了。」
4. Mental, physical, or emotional abnormalities.
鲍宾诺博士是洛杉矶家庭关系研究所主任,他曾研究过数千人的婚姻情况,他也是美国一位研究家庭生活的权威者。依鲍宾诺博士见解,婚姻的失败,通常由于四种原因而引起的。他把这四种情形列举出来:
Notice that sex comes first; and that, strangely enough, money difficulties come only third on the list.All authorities on divorce agree upon the absolute necessity forsexual compatibility. For example, a few years ago Judge Hoffman ofthe Domestic Relations Court of Cincinnati- man who has listenedto thousands of domestic tragedies-nnounced: "Nine out of tendivorces are caused by sexual troubles."
一、性的不调和。
"Sex," says the famous psychologist, John B. Watson, "is admittedlythe most important subject in life. It is admittedly the thing whichcauses the most ship-wrecks in the happiness of men and women."And I have heard a number of practicing physicians in speechesbefore my own classes say practically the same thing. Isn't it pitiful,then, that in the twentieth century, with all of our books and all ofour education, marriages should be destroyed and lives wrecked byignorance concerning this most primal and natural instinct?
二、关于消遣的意见不相同。
The Rev. Oliver M. Butterfield after eighteen years as a Methodistminister gave up his pulpit to direct the Family Guidance Service inNew York City, and he has probably married as many young peopleas any man living. He says:
三、受到经济的威胁。
"Early in my experience as a minister I discovered that, in spite ofromance and good intentions, many couples who come to themarriage altar are matrimonial illiterates." Matrimonial illiterates!And he continues: "When you consider that we leave the highlydifficult adjustment of marriage so largely to chance, the marvel isthat our divorce rate is only 16 per cent. An appalling number ofhusbands and wives are not really married but simply undivorced:they live in a sort of purgatory."
四、身心和情绪的不稳定、异常。
"Happy marriages," says Dr Butterfield, "are rarely the product ofchance: they are architectural in that they are intelligently anddeliberately planned."
以上四点,是依其重要性,而先后分别举出的,而一性」居了第一位,使人感到奇怪的,「经济困难」只居了第三位。
To assist in this planning, Dr Butterfield has for years insisted thatany couple he marries must discuss with him frankly their plans forthe future. And it was as a result of these discussions that he cameto the conclusion that so many of the high contracting parties were"matrimonial illiterates."
所有研究离婚原困的专家们,都认为「性」的配合是十分重要的。例如,一位家事法庭法官「霍夫门」宣称:「所有离婚案件中,十件中有九件,是由于性生活发生问题。」
"Sex," says Dr Butterfield, "is but one of the many satisfactions inmarried life, but unless this relationship is right, nothing else can beright."
一位著名的心理学家「威森」说:「。性。,是人人所公认在我们生活中一个最重要的问题,男女间幸福的破裂,大多数也是由、性。的问题上而起的。」
But how to get it right? "Sentimental reticence"—I'm still quoting DrButterfield?must be replaced by an ability to discuss objectivelyand with detachment attitudes and practices of married life. There isno way in which this ability can be better acquired than through abook of sound learning and good taste. I keep on hand several ofthese books in addition to a supply of my own booklet, Marriage andSexual Harmony.
有若干来我讲习班演讲的医生,他们也有谈到过这个问题……那么,在今日各项学科都在突飞猛进的二十世纪,仍会困忽略了自然的「性本能」,而使人们幸福的婚姻破裂,岂不可怜!
"Of all the books that are available, the three that seem to me mostsatisfactory for general reading are: The Sex Technique in Marriageby Isabel E. Hutton; The Sexual Side of Marriage by Max Exner; TheSex Factor in Marriage by Helena Wright."
白特菲尔德牧师,做了十八年的传教工作后,突然放弃了这项工作,去担任纽约市家庭指导服务处的主任,后来他和普通年轻人一样,结了婚。他曾这样说:
So,Rule 7 of "How to Make Your Home Life Happier" is: 'Read a goodbook on the sexual side of marriage.
「早年我做牧师的时候,我从经验中发现,那些来教堂结婚的男女们,虽然有长久相爱,想要结成婚姻的志愿,可是有许多对结婚方面该知道的,却是盲无所知,一点也不知道。」
盲无所知的!
他又说:「我们把婚姻中相互调适的大问题,交付给机会这两个字。结果,离婚的比例,竟达到百分之十六这个惊人的数目。这样的结合,不是真正的结婚,那祇是尚未离婚而已,也就是让自己去受罪。
幸福的结合,他们的婚姻并不听凭于机会,他们替自己细心谨慎的选择、计划,就像一位建造房子的建筑师一样。」
白特菲尔德为了协助这项计划的进行,许多年来,坚持凡请他证婚的那些男女们,必须坦白的跟他讨论他们未来的计划。由这项讨论所获得的结果,他得到了一个结论,那是急于结合的男女,他们都是「婚姻的文盲」。
白特菲尔德博士说:「、性。,那只是婚后生活中一项满足、愉快的事。可是,必需要把这件事,调和的很适宜,不然,其它什么事也不用谈了。」
可是,又如何使它适宜呢?
我们还是用了白特菲尔德的话来解释:「感情的缄默,必须代以客观的讨论能力,和结
婚生活的超然态度。要获得这种能力最有效的办法,就是根据一部学理精确,旨趣高尚的书……除了我自已所着的那部、结婚和性的调和。一书外,我身边也常备有这样的几本书。
在我所有这类书中,有三部我认为值得一般人所观阅的,那是「哈顿」所着的「结婚典性技术」,「爱克纳」的「结婚性生活」,和「拉德」的「结婚的性因素」三部书。
我们从书本上去学得这类知识?为什么不可以呢?
所以,如果要使你家庭更幸福、美满,那第七项规则是: 阅读一本有关婚姻中性生活方面的好书。
3
2011-02-16 14:59 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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