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《人性的弱点》第6篇第6章 如果你要快乐,别忽略了这些

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小编摘要:如果要保持你家庭的美满、快乐,第六项规则是: 要有礼貌。

Walter Damrosch married the daughter of James G. Blaine, one ofAmerica's greatest orators and one-time candidate for President.Ever since they met many years ago at Andrew Carnegie's home inScotland, the Damroschs have led a conspicuously happy life.The secret?

"Next to care in choosing a partner,". says Mrs Damrosch, "I shouldplace courtesy after marriage. If young wives would only be ascourteous to their husbands as to strangers! Any man will run from ashrewish tongue."

Rudeness is the cancer that devours love. Everyone knows this, yetit's notorious that we are more polite to strangers than we are to ourown relatives. We wouldn't dream of interrupting strangers to say,"Good heavens, are you going to tell that old story again!" Wewouldn't dream of opening our friends' mail without permission, orprying into their personal secrets. And it's only the members of ourown family, those who are nearest and dearest to us, that we dareinsult for their trivial faults.

Again to quote Dorothy Dix: "It is an amazing but true thing thatpractically the only people who ever say mean, insulting, woundingthings to us are those of our own households."

"Courtesy," says Henry Clay Risner, "is that quality of heart thatoverlooks the broken gate and calls attention to the flowers in theyard beyond the gate." Courtesy is just as important to marriage asoil is to your motor.

Oliver Wendell Holmes, the beloved "Autocrat of the BreakfastTable," was anything but an autocrat in his own home. In fact, hecarried his consideration so far that when he felt melancholy anddepressed, he tried to conceal his blues from the rest of his family. Itwas bad enough for him to have to bear them himself, he said,without inflicting them on the others as well.

That is what Oliver Wendell Holmes did. But what about the averagemortal? Things go wrong at the office; he loses a sale or gets calledon the carpet by the boss. He develops a devastating headache ormisses the five-fifteen; and he can hardly wait till he gets home梩otake it out on the family.

In Holland you leave your shoes outside on the doorstep before youenter the house. By the Lord Harry, we could learn a lesson from theDutch and shed our workaday troubles before we enter our homes.William James once wrote an essay called "On a Certain Blindness inHuman Beings." It would be worth a special trip to your nearestlibrary to get that essay and read it. "Now the blindness in humanbeings of which this discourse will treat," he wrote, "is the blindnesswith which we all are afflicted in regard to the feelings of creaturesand people different from ourselves."

"The blindness with which we all are afflicted." Many men whowouldn't dream of speaking sharply to a customer, or even to theirpartners in business, think nothing of barking at their wives. Yet, fortheir personal happiness, marriage is far more important to them, farmore vital, than business.

The average man who is happily married is happier by far than thegenius who lives in solitude. Turgenev, the great Russian novelist,was acclaimed all over the civilized world. Yet he said: "I would giveup all my genius, and all my books, if there were only some woman,somewhere, who cared whether or not I came home late for dinner."What are the chances of happiness in marriage anyway? DorothyDix, as we have already said, believes that more than half of themare failures; but Dr Paul Popenoe thinks otherwise. He says: "A manhas a better chance of succeeding in marriage than in any otherenterprise he may go into. Of all the men that go into the grocerybusiness, 70 per cent fail. Of the men and women who entermatrimony, 70 per cent succeed."

Dorothy Dix sums the whole thing up like this: "Compared withmarriage," she says, "being born is a mere episode in our careers,and dying a trivial incident.

"No woman can ever understand why a man doesn't put forth thesame effort to make his home a going concern as he does to makehis business or profession a success.

"But, although to have a contented wife and a peaceful and happyhome means more to a man than to make a million dollars, not oneman in a hundred ever gives any real serious thought or makes anyhonest effort to make his marriage a success. He leaves the mostimportant thing in his life to chance, and he wins out or loses,according to whether fortune is with him or not. Women can neverunderstand why their husbands refuse to handle them diplomatically,when it would be money in their pockets to use the velvet gloveinstead of the strong-arm method.

"Every man knows that he can jolly his wife into doing anything, anddoing without anything. He knows that if he hands her a few cheapcompliments about what a wonderful manager she is, and how shehelps him, she will squeeze every nickel. Every man knows that if hetells his wife how beautiful and lovely she looks in her last year'sdress, she wouldn't trade it for the latest Paris importation. Everyman knows that he can kiss his wife's eyes shut until she will beblind as a bat, and that he has only to give her a warm smack on thelips to make her dumb as an oyster.

"And every wife knows that her husband knows these things abouther, because she has furnished him with a complete diagram abouthow to work her. And she never knows whether to be mad at him ordisgusted with him, because he would rather fight with her and payfor it in having to eat bad meals, and have his money wasted, andbuy her new frocks and limousines and pearls, than to take thetrouble to flatter her a little and treat her the way she is begging tobe treated."

So, if you want to keep your home life happy. Rule 6 is: Be courteous.


丹姆洛契和勃雷的女儿结婚,(勃雷是美国一位大演说家,曾经一度是总统候选人。)数年前,他们在苏格兰「恩特.卡耐基」家里认识后,就一直过着愉快的生活。

他们相处融洽的秘诀是什么?

丹姆洛契夫人曾这样说:「我们选择自己伴侣时,必须审慎小心,其次就是婚后注意彼此的礼貌……年轻的妻子们,不妨就像对待一位客人一样,温婉有礼的对待自己的丈夫。任何丈夫,都怕自己妻子是个骂街的泼妇。」

无礼、粗暴,会摧毁了爱情的果实。……这情形我相信谁都知道,可是我们对待一位客人,总是比对待自己家里人有礼貌得多,这是很明显的。

我们决不至于插嘴向一位客人说:「老天!你又在说那些陈腔滥调的老故事了!」我们绝对不会,尚未获得他人的许可,就拆阅人家的信件。同时,我们也不会窥探别人的隐私、秘密。可是,我们对最接近、亲密的家人,发现到他们一丝的过错时,就会公然斥责,侮辱他们。

现在再引用狄克司的话:「那是一桩令人惊诧的事,可是完全是事实……对我们说出那些刻薄、侮辱、伤感情的话的人,差不多都是我们自己的家人。」

瑞斯诺说:「礼貌是内心的一种特质,它可以教人忽略破旧的园门,而专心注意到园内的好花。」

礼貌在我们婚后的生活中,就像汽车离不开汽油一样。

贺尔姆对家里的人,体贴谅解,无微不至。他即使心里有不愉快的事,也一定把自己的忧烦藏起,不从自己脸上显现出来,而让家里的人知道。

贺尔姆能做到这一点。可是一般人又如何呢?一般人在办公室里,把一件事处理错误;或是丢失了一桩生意买卖,给老板、经理批评了几句,他就巴不得赶回家,把从办公室里受到的那股「窝囊气」,发泄到家人的身上。

荷兰人有一种风俗,人们进屋子前,把鞋子脱在门外面。我们可以向荷兰人学到这样一个教训,就是回家进门前,把一天所遇到不如意的事,都扔到门外,然后再进去里面。

贾姆士曾经有写过一篇文章,题名为「人类某种的愚蠢」。他在里面这样的写着:

「本文现在所要讲的,是人类的盲目愚蠢,当每逢遇到跟我们自己感受不同的动物,或是人们时,使我们感到困扰和烦恼。」

我们都患有盲目的愚蠢!多少的男士们,他们不会跟顾客,或是伙伴们厉声的说话,可是会毫不考虑的向他们的太大发威。

如果为了个人幸福着想,他们应该知道,婚姻远比他们的事业更重要。一个获得美满婚姻的人,远比一个孤独的天才,更为幸福、快乐。苏俄小说家「托琴尼夫」倍受人们的敬仰

,可是他有这样说过:「我宁愿放弃我所怀有的天才,和我的著作……假如在某个地方,有一

个女人,她是关心着我是否可以早点回家吃晚饭。」

获得幸福婚姻的机会,究竟有多少呢?狄克斯女士有这样表示:她认为是失败的比例数,要占多数。可是鲍宾诺的意见并非如此,他说:「一个人在婚姻上成功的机会,比其它任何事业的成功机会来得多……一个开杂货店的男人,失败的机会要占百分之七十,可是进入婚姻的男女,有百分之七十是成功的。」

关于婚姻的问题,狄克斯女士作下面这样一个结论

她说:「如果与婚姻比较,人的出生,只不过是短暂的一幕,至于死亡,那更不是一件重要的事了。

女人始终无法了解:….为什么男人不把家庭也看作一项事业,使这项业务蒸蒸日上,成为一个甜蜜、美满的家庭。

虽然有若干的男士们,认为娶到一个满意的妻子,和有一个美满的家庭,比获得千百万财富还重要。可是在一般男士们中,很少有人会加以思考,和真诚的努力,以期获得他们婚姻的成功。他们把一生最重要的事情,交付在机会上。他们认为成功或失败,那是要看运气如何!

女人们永远不明白,为什么那些男士们,在她们身上不运用一点外交手腕?当然,如果他们对她们,不用欺压的手段,而使用了若干的温柔,对他们来说,那是有益的。

每个男人都知道,他可以差遣他太太做任何一件事,而并非是带有某种目的的……如果说,他知道如何称赞太太几句话,说她是能干的主妇,她会更善尽她的本份,把这件事做得

更十全十美。如果有个做丈夫的,赞美他太太去年做的那套衣服,如何的美丽,她决不会打算今年再订制一套巴黎新式的时装。

每个男人都知道,他们可以把妻子的眼睛吻得闭了起来,直到她盲如蝙蝠;只要在她的唇上热情的一吻,即可使她哑如蚌蛎。

而且每一个做妻子的,都知道她丈夫明白这一切,因为她已经为他预备好了一个完全的图表,要他照着去做。可是,她却又不知道,应该是热爱他,还是应该是讨厌他。因为他宁可跟妻子吵闹后,耗费些钱,替她买新衣、新车、珠宝等东西,而不愿意奉承她一点。他不愿意按她所渴望的去满足她,去对待她。」

所以,如果要保持你家庭的美满、快乐,第六项规则是: 要有礼貌。
标签:人性 弱点 快乐
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2011-02-16 14:51 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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