在线词典,在线翻译

《人性的弱点》第6篇第4章 使人快乐的方法

所属:成长励志 阅读:2789 次 评论:0 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

小编摘要:如果你要保持你家庭的美满、快乐,一项最重要的规则.…就是第四项规则,那是:给予真诚的欣赏。

"Most Men when seeking wives," says Paul Popenoe, Director of theInstitute of Family Relations in Los Angeles, "are not looking forexecutives but for someone with allure and willingness to flatter theirvanity and make them feel superior. Hence the woman officemanager may be invited to luncheon, once. But she quite possiblydishes out warmed-over remnants of her college courses on 'maincurrents in contemporary philosophy,' and may even insist on payingher own bill. Result: she thereafter lunches alone.

"In contrast, the noncollegiate typist, when invited to luncheon, fixesan incandescent gaze on her escort and says yearningly, 'Now tellme some more about yourself.' Result: he tells the other fellows that'she's no raving beauty, but I have never met a better talker.'"Men should express their appreciation of a woman's effort to lookwell and dress becomingly. All men forget, if they have ever realizedit, how profoundly women are interested in clothes. For example, if aman and woman meet another man and woman on the street, thewoman seldom looks at the other man; she usually looks to see howwell the other woman is dressed.

My grandmother died a few years ago at the age of ninety-eight.Shortly before her death, we showed her a photograph of herselfthat had been taken a third of a century earlier. Her failing eyescouldn't see the picture very well, and the only question she askedwas: "What dress did I have on?" Think of it! An old woman in herlast December, bedridden, weary with age as she lay within theshadow of the century mark, her memory fading so fast that she wasno longer able to recognize even her own daughters, still interestedin knowing what dress she had worn a third of a century before! Iwas at her bedside when she asked that question. It left animpression on me that will never fade.

The men who are reading these lines can't remember what suits orshirts they wore five years ago, and they haven't the remotest desireto remember them. But women—they are different, and weAmerican men ought to recognize it. French boys of the upper classare trained to express their admiration of a woman's frock andchapeau, not only once but many times during an evening. And fiftymillion Frenchmen can't be wrong!

I have among my clippings a story that I know never happened, butit illustrates a truth, so I'll repeat it:

According to this silly story, a farm woman, at the end of a heavyday's work, set before her men folks a heaping pile of hay. And whenthey indignantly demanded whether she'd gone crazy, she replied:"Why, how did I know you'd notice? I've been cooking for you menfor the last twenty years, and in all that time I ain't heard no word tolet me know you wasn't just eating hay!"

The pampered aristocrats of Moscow and St Petersburg used to havebetter manners; in the Russia of the Czars, it was the custom of theupper classes, when they had enjoyed a fine dinner, to insist onhaving the cook brought into the dining room to receive theircongratulations.

Why not have as much consideration for your wife? The next timethe fried chicken is done to a tender turn, tell her so. Let her knowthat you appreciate the fact that you're not just eating hay. Or, asTexas Guinan used to say, "Give the little girl a great big hand."And while you're about it, don't be afraid to let her know howimportant she is to your happiness. Disraeli was as great astatesman as England ever produced; yet, as we've seen, he wasn'tashamed to let the world know how much he "owed to the littlewoman."

Just the other day, while perusing a magazine, I came across this.It's from an interview with Eddie Cantor.

"I owe more to my wife," says Eddie Cantor, "than to anyone else inthe world. She was my best pal as a boy; she helped me to gostraight. And after we married she saved every dollar, and investedit, and reinvested it. She built up a fortune for me. We have fivelovely children. And she's made a wonderful home for me always. IfI've gotten anywhere, give her the credit."

Out in Hollywood, where marriage is a risk that even Lloyd's ofLondon wouldn't take a gamble on, one of the few outstandinglyhappy marriages is that of the Warner Baxters. Mrs Baxter, theformer Winifred Bryson, gave up a brilliant stage career when shemarried. Yet her sacrifice has never been permitted to mar theirhappiness. "She missed the applause of stage success," WarnerBaxter says, "but I have tried to see that she is entirely aware of myapplause. If a woman is to find happiness at all in her husband, sheis to find it in his appreciation, and devotion. If that appreciation anddevotion is actual, there is the answer to his happiness also."

There you are. So, if you want to keep your home life happy, one of the most important rules is

Rule 4: Give honest appreciation.


洛杉矶一位「家庭关系研究会」主任「鲍宾诺」,他作这样的表示:

「大多数的男士们,他们寻求太太时,不是去寻找一个有经验、才干的女子。而是在找一个长得漂亮,会奉承他的虚荣心,能满足他优越感的女性。

所以就有这样一种情形….!当一位职任经理的未婚女性,她被男士邀去一起吃饭时上这位女经理在餐桌上,会很自然的搬出她在最高学府,所学到的那些渊博学识来。饭餐过后,这位女经理会坚持的要付这笔餐帐,结果,她以后就是单独一个人用餐了。

反过来讲,一个没有进过高等学府的女打字员,被」位男士邀去吃饭时,她会热情的注视着她的男伴,带着一片仰慕的神情说:「真的,我太喜欢听了……你再说些关于你自己的事……」结果呢?这位男士会告诉别人,说:「她虽然并不十分美丽,可是我从未遇到过,比她更会说话的人了。」」

男士们应该赞赏女人的面部修饰,和她们美丽可爱的服装,可是男士们却都忘了。如果他们稍微留意,就知道女人是多么的重视衣着。如果有一对男女,在街上遇到了另外一对男女,女士似乎很少注意到对面过来的男士,而她们似乎总是习惯的注意,对面那个女子是如何打扮。

数年前,我祖母以九十八岁高龄去世,在她去世前没有多久,我们拿了一张很久以前她自己的相片给她看:.…她老花的眼睛看不清楚,而她所提出的唯一问题是:「那时我穿的是什么样的衣服?」

我们不妨想想,一个卧床不起的高龄老太太,她的记忆力,甚至已使她无法辨认自己的女儿,可是她还想知道,这张老旧的相片上,她穿的是什么衣服。老祖母问出那问题时,我就在她床边,这使我脑海中留下一个很深很深的印象。

当你们看到这几行字时,男士们,你或许不会记得,五年前你穿的是什么样的外衣,那一种的衬衫……其实,男士们也没有丝毫的意思去记它。可是,对女人来讲,就不一样了!

我曾经节录下来一篇故事,我相信事实上不可能会发生的,然而其中蕴含着一种真理,所以我要把这故事,再叙述一遍。

这是一个愚蠢,而又可笑的故事:有一个农家的女子,在一整天劳累的工作后,当快要吃饭的时候,她在那几个男工面前,放下一大堆的草。那些男工问她,是不是疯了?那女的回答说: 「哦!我怎么会知道,你们会注意到这些?我替你们做饭,已经做了二十多年,那么久长的时间,我从没有听到一句话,使我知道你们吃的不是草。」

帝俄时代的莫斯科和圣彼得堡,养尊处优的那些贵族们,他们很注重礼貌,似乎已成了那些贵族们的一种习惯。当他们吃过一桌适口的菜后,一定要请主人把厨司叫来外面餐厅,接受他们的赞美。

为什么不用这种同样的方法,在你太太的身上试一试呢?当她把一盘鸡,烧得美味可口

时,你告诉她,她把这盘菜烧得如何好,使你吃得非常适口!让她知道你懂得欣赏,你并不是在吃草。就像格恩常说的一句话「好好的捧一捧这位小妇人。」

当你这样做时,不要怕让你太太知道,她在你的快乐中占着如何重要的地位。狄斯瑞利是英国一位极负声誉的大政治家,可是,我们已经知道,他决不以为羞耻人们都知道……一我得到我太太帮助的地方很多。」

有一天,我翻看杂志时,看到一份有关好莱坞」位著名电影明星埃迪康特的访问记。上面是这样写着:

「在全世界所有的人中,我太太对我的帮助最多。当我还是个孩子的时候,她就是我一个青梅竹马的伴侣,她引领我,鼓励我勇往直前。

我们结婚后,她把每一块钱节省下来,投资再投资,替我积累了一笔财产。现在我们有五个可爱的孩子……她永远为我布置了一个可爱、甜蜜的家,我如果有任何的成就,那完全要归功于我的太大。」

在好莱坞,婚姻是一件冒险的事。甚至于伦敦的、劳滋、保险公司,也不愿意打这个赌。在少数几对著名的美满婚姻中,巴克斯特夫妇就是其中的一对……巴克斯特夫人过去的名字叫「蓓蕾荪」,她放弃了极有前途的舞台事业去结婚。可是她的牺牲,并没有损害到他们的快乐。

巴克斯特这样说:

「她虽然失去了舞台上无数的掌声和赞美。可是现在,我随时随地在她的身旁,她随时可以听到我那出于由衷的赞美。

如果一个做妻子的,想要从丈夫身上获得快乐、欢愉,她可以从他的欣赏和热爱中寻找到。如果,那种欣赏,和热爱是真诚的,那也是他的快乐所在。」

你明白了吧!

所以,如果你要保持你家庭的美满、快乐,一项最重要的规则.…就是第四项规则,那是:

给予真诚的欣赏。
1
2011-02-15 10:51 编辑:kuaileyingyu
分享到:
关注海词微博:
发表评论:
表达一些您的想法吧!已有0条评论>>
登录,再发表评论
文明上网,理性发言!
您可能还感兴趣的文章:
>>精华推荐阅读
热门评论文章