在线词典,在线翻译

《人性的弱点》第6篇 第3章 这样做你就快要离婚了

所属:成长励志 阅读:5382 次 评论:0 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

小编摘要:如果你要保持你家庭的美满、快乐,记住第三项规则,那是:不要批评。

Disraeli's bitterest rival in public life was the great Gladstone. Thesetwo clashed on every debatable subject under the Empire, yet theyhad one thing in common; the supreme happiness of their privatelives.

William and Catherine Gladstone lived together for fifty-nine years,almost three score years glorified with an abiding devotion. I like tothink of Gladstone, the most dignified of England's prime ministers,clasping his wife's hand and dancing around the hearthrug with her,singing this song:

A ragamuffin husband and a rantipoling wife,We'll fiddle it and scrape itthrough the ups and downsof life.

Gladstone, a formidable enemy in public, never criticized at home.When he came down to breakfast in the morning, only to discoverthat the rest of his family was still sleeping, he had a gentle way ofregistering his reproach. He raised his voice and filled the house witha mysterious chant that reminded the other members that England'sbusiest man was waiting downstairs for his breakfast, all alone.Diplomatic, considerate, he rigorously refrained from domesticcriticism.

And so, often, did Catherine the Great. Catherine ruled one of thelargest empires the world has ever known. Over millions of hersubjects she held the power of life and death. Politically, she wasoften a cruel tyrant, waging useless wars and sentencing scores ofher enemies to be cut down by firing squads. Yet if the cook burnedthe meat, she said nothing. She smiled and ate it with a tolerancethat the average American husband would do well to emulate.

Dorothy Dix, America's premier authority on the causes of maritalunhappiness, declares that more than fifty per cent of all marriagesare failures; and she knows that one of the reasons why so manyromantic dreams break up on the rocks of Reno is criticism—futile,heartbreaking criticism.

So, if you want to keep your home life happy, remember Rule 3:Don't criticize.

And if you are tempted to criticize the children . . . you imagine I amgoing to say don't. But I am not. I am merely going to say, beforeyou criticize them, read one of the classics of American journalism,"Father Forgets." It appeared originally as an editorial in the People'sHome Journal. We are reprinting it here with the author'spermission—reprinting it as it was condensed in the Reader's Digest:"Father Forgets" is one of those little pieces which— dashed off in amoment of sincere feeling—strikes an echoing chord in so manyreaders as to become a perennial reprint favourite. Since its firstappearance, some fifteen years ago, "Father Forgets" has beenreproduced, writes the author, W. Livingston Larned, "in hundreds ofmagazines and house organs, and in newspapers the country over. Ithas been reprinted almost as extensively in many foreign languages.I have given personal permission to thousands who wished to read itfrom school, church, and lecture platforms. It has been 'on the air'on countless occasions and programmes. Oddly enough, collegeperiodicals have used it, and high-school magazines. Sometimes alittle piece seems mysteriously to 'click.' This one certainly did."Father ForgetsW. Livingston Larned

Listen, son: I am saying this as you lie asleep, one little pawcrumpled under your cheek and the blond curls stickily wet on yourdamp forehead. I have stolen into your room alone. Just a fewminutes ago, as I sat reading my paper in the library, a stifling waveof remorse swept over me. Guiltily I came to your bedside.

These are the things I was thinking, son: I had been cross to you. Iscolded you as you were dressing for school because you gave yourface merely a dab with a towel. I took you to task for not cleaningyour shoes. I called out angrily when you threw some of your thingson the floor.

At breakfast I found fault, too. You spilled things. You gulped downyour food. You put your elbows on the table. You spread butter toothick on your bread. And as you started off to play and I made formy train, you turned and waved a hand and called, "Good-bye,Daddy!" and I frowned, and said in reply, "Hold your Shouldersback!"

Then it began all over again in the late afternoon. As I came up theroad I spied you, down on your knees, playing marbles. There wereholes in your stockings. I humiliated you before your boy friends bymarching you ahead of me to the house. Stockings were expensive—and if you had to buy them you would be more careful! Imaginethat, son, from a father!

Do you remember, later, when I was reading in the library, how youcame in, timidly, with a sort of hurt look in your eyes? When Iglanced up over my paper, impatient at the interruption, youhesitated at the door. "What is it you want?" I snapped.

You said nothing, but ran across in one tempestuous plunge, andthrew your arms around my neck and kissed me, and your smallarms tightened with an affection that God had set blooming in yourheart and which even neglect could not wither. And then you weregone, pattering up the stairs.

Well, son, it was shortly afterwards that my paper slipped from myhands and a terrible sickening fear came over me. What has habitbeen doing to me? The habit of finding fault, of reprimanding—thiswas my reward to you for being a boy. It was not that I did not loveyou; it was that I expected too much of youth. It was measuring youby the yardstick of my own years.

And there was so much that was good and fine and true in yourcharacter. The little heart of you was as big as the dawn itself overthe wide hills. This was shown by your spontaneous impulse to rushin and kiss me goodnight. Nothing else matters tonight, son. I havecome to your bedside in the darkness, and I have knelt there,ashamed!

It is a feeble atonement; I know you would not understand thesethings if I told them to you during your waking hours. But tomorrowI will be a real daddy! I will chum with you, and suffer when yousuffer, and laugh when you laugh. I will bite my tongue whenimpatient words come. I will keep saying as if it were a ritual: "He isnothing but a boy—a little boy!"

I am afraid I have visualized you as a man. Yet as I see you now,son, crumpled and weary in your cot, I see that you are still a baby.Yesterday you were in your mother's arms, your head on hershoulder. I have asked too much, too much.


狄斯瑞利在公众生活中的劲敌是格雷斯束。他们两人,凡遇到国家大事有可争辩的,就会起冲突。可是,他们有一件事,却是完全相同的,那是他们私人生活都非常快乐。

格雷斯束夫妇俩,共同渡过了五十九年美满的生活。我们很愿意想象到,格雷斯束这位英国尊贵的首相,握着他妻子的手,在围绕着炉子的地毯上,唱着歌的那幕情景。

格雷斯束在公共场合,是个令人可怕的劲敌,可是在家里,他决不批评任何人。他每当早晨下楼吃饭,看到家里还有人睡着尚未起床时,他会运用一种温柔的方法,以替代他原来该有的责备。

他提高了嗓子,唱出一首歌,让屋子里充满着他的歌声……那是告诉还没有起床的家人,英国最忙的人,独自一个人,在等候他们一起用早餐。格雷斯东有他外交的手腕,可是他体贴别人,竭力避免家庭中的批评。

俄国女皇「凯赛琳」也曾经这样做过。她统治了世界上一个面积辽阔的帝国,掌握千万民众生杀予夺的大权。在政治上,她是一个残忍的暴君,好大喜功的接连战争。只要她说一句话,敌人就判处了死刑。可是,如果她的厨师把肉烤焦了,她什么话也不会说,微笑着吃下去。她这个容忍,该是一般男士们所效法的。

「桃乐赛.狄克司」,是美国研究不幸婚姻原因的权威者。她提出这样的见解:百分之五十以上的婚姻都归于失败;为什么许多甜蜜的美梦,会在结婚以后全部触礁呢?她知道有一个原因,那就是因为批评无用的,令人心碎批评。

所以,如果你要保持你家庭的美满、快乐,记住第三项规则,那是:不要批评。

如果你要批评你的孩子,你以为我会劝阻你别那么做……不,不是那回事。我只是要这样告诉你,在你批评他们之前,不妨先把那篇「父亲所忘记的」的文章看一下. 这篇文章是在一本家庭杂志评论栏上刊登出来的。我们获得原著者的同意,特地转载在这里。

「父亲所忘记的」,是一篇短篇文章,却引起无数读者的共呜,也成了谁都可以翻印的读物。前些年,那篇文章第一次刊登出来后,就像本文作者「雷米特」所说的:

「在数百种杂志、家庭机关,和全国各地的报纸上刊出,同时也译成了很多种的外国文宇。我曾答应了数千的人,拿这篇文章在学校、教会,和讲台上宣读,以及不计其数的空中广播。

而使人感到惊奇的是,大学杂志采用,中学杂志也采用。有时候一篇短文,会有奇异的效果出现,而这一篇就是如此。」

「父亲所忘记的」「雷米特」着。

「我儿,你静静听着:

我在你酣睡去的时候这样说,你的小手掌压在你愿下,金色的头发给汗水黏贴在你额」

,我悄悄地进来你的房里。那是几分钟前,我在书房看书的时候,突然一股强烈的侮意,激动了我的心,使我失去了抗御,使我感到自咎的来到你床沿。

孩子,这些是我所想到的事--我觉得我对你太苛刻了。你早晨穿衣上学的时候,你用毛巾轻轻擦了下脸,我就责备了你;由于你没有把鞋拭干净,我也责备了你;当我看到你把东西乱丢在地上时,我也大声责备你。

吃早餐的时候,我挑剔你的过错;说你这又不对,那又不是……你把臂肘搁在桌上 你在面包上敷的奶油太多。当你开始去游戏,而我去赶火车的时候,你转过身来,向我挥手说:「爹地,再见!」我又把眉皱了起来,说:「快回家去!」

午后,这一切的情形又再重新开始。我从外面回来,发现你跪在地上玩石子,你袜子上有许多破洞,我看到那些小朋友羞辱你,马上叫你跟我回来。买袜子要花钱;如果你自己花钱买的话,就会特别小心了!孩子,你想想,那种话竟由一个做父亲的口中说了出来!

你还记得吗?后来我在书房看报时,你畏怯地走了进来,眼里含着伤感的神情。当我抬头看到你时,又觉得你来扭扰我,而觉得很不耐烦。我恼怒的问你:「你想干什么?」

你没有说什么,突然跑过来,投进我的怀里,用手臂搂住我头颅,吻我……你那小手紧紧的搂着我,那是充满了孺慕的热情。这种孺慕的热情,是上帝栽种在你心里的,像一朵鲜丽的花朵,虽然是被人忽略了,可是不会枯萎。你吻了我后,就离开我,跑上楼去了。

孩子,你走后没有多久,我的报纸从手上滑了下来,突然一种可怕的痛苦和恐惧,袭击到我身上。那是习惯支配了我,整天责骂你,憎厌你;吹毛求疵的挑你的过错。难道这是我对你的一种奖励?孩子,不是爹地不爱你,不喜欢你,那是我对你期望太高了,我用了我现在自己的年纪来衡量你。

其实,你的品性中有很多优点,都是令人喜爱的,你幼小的心灵,就像晨曦中的一线曙光……

这些都由你突然返进来吻我、说晚安的真情上表现出来。孩子,在这静寂的夜晚,我悄然来到你房里,内咎不安的向你忏侮这是一个不懂事的父亲,一个可怜的父亲。

如果你没有睡去,我向你说出这些话,在你赤子的心里,也不会了解的。可是,明天我必需要做到的是,做一个真正的好父亲。你笑的时候、我也跟着笑,你痛苦的时候,我愿意陪同你一起承受这个痛苦。

当我有时沉不住气要责为你时,我会咬自己的舌头,把这话阻止下来。我会对自己不断的这样说:「是的,他还祇是一个幼小的孩子……他还是个小孩子」

我恐怕自己已把你看作一个成年人了。我现在看到你疲倦的酣睡在小床上,现在我明白过来了,你还是个小孩子。昨天,你还躺在你母亲的怀里,你把头脸依偎在她的肩上。是的,你还是个眷恋着慈母爱抚的小孩子,我对你的要求,实在太多了……………太多了!」
标签:人性 弱点 离婚
0
2011-02-15 10:46 编辑:kuaileyingyu
分享到:
关注海词微博:
发表评论:
表达一些您的想法吧!已有0条评论>>
登录,再发表评论
文明上网,理性发言!
您可能还感兴趣的文章:
>>精华推荐阅读
热门评论文章