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《人性的弱点》第6篇 第1章 如何最快速的自掘婚姻的坟墓

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小编摘要:你要保持你家庭的美满、快乐,第一项规则是:切莫喋喋不休。



法国皇帝拿破仑三世,就是拿破仑.庞纳派德的侄儿,他和世界上最美丽的女人依琴尼
Seventy-Five years ago, Napoleon III of France, nephew of NapoleonBonaparte, fell in love with Marie Eugenic Ignace Augustine deMontijo, Countess of Teba, the most beautiful woman in the world—and married her. His advisors pointed out that she was only thedaughter of an insignificant Spanish count. But Napoleon retorted:"What of it?" Her grace, her youth, her charm, her beauty filled himwith divine felicity. In a speech hurled from the throne, he defied anentire nation: "I have preferred a woman I love and respect," heproclaimed, "to a woman unknown to me."
迪芭女伯爵,坠入情网………接着,他们结婚了。他的那些大臣们纷纷指出,迪苣仅是西班牙一个并不重要的伯爵的女儿。可是拿破仑回答说:这又有什么关系呢?」
Napoleon and his bride had health, wealth, power, fame, beauty,love, adoration—all the requirements for a perfect romance. Neverdid the sacred fire of marriage glow with a brighter incandescence.But, alas, the holy flame soon flickered and the incandescencecooled—and turned to embers. Napoleon could make Eugenic anempress; but nothing in all la belle France, neither the power of hislove nor the might of his throne, could keep her from nagging.
是的,她的优雅、她的青春、她的诱惑、她的美丽,使拿破仑感到幸福。拿破仑在一次哗然激烈的言论中,向全国宣布说:「我已挑选了一位我所敬爱的女人,做我的妻子,我不想娶一个我素不相识的女人。」
Bedeviled by jealousy, devoured by suspicion, she flouted his orders,she denied him even a show of privacy. She broke into his officewhile he was engaged in affairs of state. She interrupted his mostimportant discussions. She refused to leave him alone, alwaysfearing that he might be consorting with another woman.Often she ran to her sister, complaining of her husband,complaining, weeping, nagging, and threatening. Forcing her wayinto his study, she stormed at him and abused him. Napoleon,master of a dozen sumptuous palaces, Emperor of France, could notfind a cupboard in which he could call his soul his own.
拿破仑和他的新夫人,他们具有健康、权力、声望、美貌、爱情,一对美满婚姻所完全具备的条件婚姻点燃的圣火,从来没有像他们这样光亮,这样白热。
And what did Eugenic accomplish by all this? Here is the answer. Iam quoting now from E.A. Rheinhardt's engrossing book, Napoleonand Eugenic: The Tragicomedy of an Empire: "So it came about thatNapoleon frequently would steal out by a little side door at night,with a soft hat pulled over his eyes, and, accompanied by one of hisintimates, really betake himself to some fair lady who was expectinghim, or else stroll about the great city as of old, passing throughstreets of the kind which an Emperor hardly sees outside a fairy tale,and breathing the atmosphere of might-have-beens."
可是,没有多久, 这股炽烈、辉煌的光芒,渐渐冷却下来了!终于成了一堆的尘灰。拿破仑可以使迪芭小姐成为皇后。可是他爱情的力量、国王的权威,却无法制止她对他无理的喋喋不休。
That is what nagging accomplished for Eugenic. True, she sat on thethrone of France. True, she was the most beautiful woman in theworld. But neither royalty nor beauty can keep love alive amidst thepoisonous fumes of nagging. Eugenic could have raised her voice likeJob of old and have wailed: "The thing which I greatly feared iscome upon me." Come upon her? She brought it upon herself, poorwoman, by her jealousy and her nagging. Of all the sure-fire, infernaldevices ever invented by all the devils in hell for destroying love,nagging is the deadliest. It never fails. Like the bite of the kingcobra, it always destroys, always kills.
迪芭受嫉妒所困扰,遭疑惧所折磨,使她侮慢他的命令,甚至不许拿破仑有任何秘密。她闯进拿破仑正在处理国家大事的办公室………她捣毁了拿破仑与大臣们之间,正在讨论中的重要会议。她不允许他单独一个人,总怕拿破仑会跟其它的女人相好。
The wife of Count Leo Tolstoi discovered that—after it was too late.Before she passed away, she confessed to her daughters: "I was thecause of your father's death." Her daughters didn't reply. They wereboth crying. They knew their mother was telling the truth. Theyknew she had killed him with her constant complaining, her eternalcriticisms, and her eternal nagging. Yet Count Tolstoi and his wifeought, by all odds, to have been happy. He was one of the mostfamous novelists of all time. Two of his masterpieces, War and Peaceand Anna Karenina will forever shine brightly among the literaryglories of earth.
她常会去找她姊姊,抱怨他的丈夫….…:诉苦、哭泣、喋喋不休!她会闯进他的书房,暴跳如雷、恶言谩骂………拿破仑拥有许多富丽的官室,身为一国的元首,却找不到一间小屋子,能使他宁静安居下来。
Tolstoi was so famous that his admirers followed him around dayand night and took down in shorthand every word he uttered. Even ifhe merely said, "I guess I'll go to bed"; even trivial words like that,everything was written down; and now the Russian Government isprinting every sentence that he ever wrote; and his combinedwritings will fill one hundred volumes.
依琴尼.迪芭小姐的那些吵闹,所获得的是些什么?
In addition to fame, Tolstoi and his wife had wealth, social position,children. No marriage ever blossomed under softer skies. In thebeginning, their happiness seemed too perfect, too intense, toendure. So kneeling together, they prayed to Almighty God tocontinue the ecstasy that was theirs. Then an astonishing thinghappened. Tolstoi gradually changed. He became a totally differentperson. He became ashamed of the great books that he had written,and from that time on he devoted his life to writing pamphletspreaching peace and the abolition of war and poverty.
这里就是答案………我现在从「莱茵.哈特」名著「拿破仑与依琴尼.迪芭,一幕帝国的悲喜剧」一书上,摘录下来:
This man who had once confessed that in his youth he hadcommitted every sin imaginable—even murder—tried to followliterally the teachings of Jesus. He gave all his lands away and lived alife of poverty. He worked in the fields, chopping wood and pitchinghay. He made his own shoes, swept his own room, ate out of awooden bowl, and tried to love his enemies.
「………以后,拿破仑时常在晚间,从宫殿一扇小门潜出;用软帽遮住眼,由一个亲信恃从,陪他去与正期待着他的一个美丽女人幽会。他们或者会在巴黎城内漫游,或是观赏平时国王所不易见到的那些夜生活。」
Leo Tolstoi's life was a tragedy, and the cause of his tragedy was hismarriage. His wife loved luxury, but he despised it. She craved fameand the plaudits of society, but these frivolous things meant nothingwhatever to him. She longed for money and riches, but he believedthat wealth and private property were a sin. For years, she naggedand scolded and screamed because he insisted on giving away theright to publish his books freely without paying him any royaltieswhatever. She wanted the money those books would produce. Whenhe opposed her, she threw herself into fits of hysteria, rolling on thefloor with a bottle of opium at her lips, swearing that she was goingto kill herself and threatening to jump down the well.
拿破仑的那类情形,就是依琴尼.迪芭小姐所留下的成绩。事实上,她高居法国宝座,她的美丽倾国倾城………可是以她皇后之尊,有倾国倾城的美丽,却不能使爱情在吵闹的气氛下存在。依琴尼曾放声哭诉说:「我所最怕的事,终于临到我身上。」
There is one event in their lives that to me is one of the mostpathetic scenes in history. As I have already, said, they weregloriously happy when they were first married; but now, forty-eightyears later, he could hardly bear the sight of her. Sometimes of anevening, this old and heartbroken wife, starving for affection, cameand knelt at his knees and begged him to read aloud to her theexquisite love passages that he had written about her in his diaryfifty years previously. And as he read of those beautiful, happy daysthat were now gone forever, both of them wept. How different, howsharply different, the realities of life were from the romantic dreamsthey had once dreamed in the long ago.
临到她身上?那是她咎由自取,自己找来的。这个可怜的女人,完全是错在她的嫉妒,和喋喋不休的吵闹。
Finally, when he was eighty-two years old, Tolstoi was unable toendure the tragic unhappiness of his home any longer so he fledfrom his wife on a snowy October night in 1910—fled into the coldand darkness, not knowing where he was going.
地狱中的魔鬼所发明的种种毁减爱情的烈火中,吵闹是最可怕的一种,就像被毒蛇咬到
Eleven days later, he died of pneumonia in a railway station. And hisdying request was that she should not be permitted to come into hispresence. Such was the price Countess Tolstoi paid for her naggingand complaining and hysteria.
,决无生望。
The reader may feel that she had much to nag about. Granted. Butthat is beside the point. The question is: did nagging help her, or didit make a bad matter infinitely worse? "I really think I was insane."That is what Countess Tolstoi herself thought about it—after it wastoo late.
俄国大文豪托尔斯泰的夫人,也有这样的发现,可是已经太晚了。当她在临死前,向她女儿忏悔说:「妳父亲的去世,是我的过错。」她的女儿们没有回答,而是失声痛哭起来。
The great tragedy of Abraham Lincoln's life also was his marriage.Not his assassination, mind you, but his marriage. When Booth fired,Lincoln never realized he had been shot; but he reaped almost daily,for twenty-three years, what Herndon, his law partner, described as"the bitter harvest of conjugal infelicity." "Conjugal infelicity?" That isputting it mildly. For almost a quarter of a century, Mrs Lincolnnagged and harassed the life out of him.
她们知道母亲说的是实在话………那是她们的母亲,不断的抱怨、长久的批评父亲在这情形下去世的。
She was always complaining, always criticizing her husband; nothingabout him was ever right. He was stoop-shouldered, he walkedawkwardly and lifted his feet straight up and down like an Indian.She complained that there was no spring in his step, no grace to hismovement; and she mimicked his gait and nagged at him to walkwith his toes pointed down, as she had been taught at MadameMentelle's boarding school in Lexington.
可是托尔斯泰伯爵,和他的夫人,照理他们处在优越的环境里,应当十分快乐才对。托尔斯泰是历史上最著名的小说家之一,他那两部名著「战争与和平」和「安娜.卡列尼娜」,在文学领域中,永远闪耀着光辉。
She didn't like the way his huge ears stood out at right angles fromhis head. She even told him that his nose wasn't straight, that hislower lip stuck out, and he looked consumptive, that his feet andhands were too large, his head too small.
托尔斯泰倍受人们所爱戴,他的赞赏者,甚至于终日追随在他身边,将他所说的每一句话,都快速的记了下来。即使他说了这样一句:「我想我该去睡了!」像那样一句平淡无奇的话,也都给记录下来。现在苏俄政府,把他所有写过的字句,都印成书籍,这样合起来有一百卷。
Abraham Lincoln and Mary Todd Lincoln were opposites in everyway: in training, in background, in temperament, in tastes, in mentaloutlook. They irritated each other constantly.
除了美好的声誉外,托尔斯泰和他的夫人,有财产、有地位、有孩子。普天下,几乎没有像他们那样美满的姻缘…….:他们的结合,似乎是太美满、太热烈了,所以他们跪在地上,祷告上帝,希望能够继续赐给他们这样的快乐。
"Mrs Lincoln's loud, shrill voice," wrote the late Senator Albert J.Beveridge, the most distinguished Lincoln authority of thisgeneration—"Mrs Lincoln's loud shrill voice could be heard across thestreet, and her incessant outbursts of wrath were audible to all wholived near the house. Frequently her anger was displayed by othermeans than words, and accounts of her violence are numerous andunimpeachable."
后来,发生了一椿惊人的事,托尔斯泰渐渐的改变了。他变成了另外一个人,他对自已过去的作品,竟感到羞愧。就从那时候开始,他把剩余的生命,贡献于写宣传和平、消弭战争、和解除贫困的小册子。
To illustrate: Mr and Mrs Lincoln, shortly after their marriage, livedwith Mrs Jacob Early—a doctor's widow in Springfield who was forcedto take in boarders.
他曾经替自己忏悔,在年轻时候,犯过各种不可想象的罪恶和过错………甚至于谋杀……。他要真实的遵从耶稣基督的教训。他把所有的田地给了别人,自已过着贫苦的生活。他去田间工作、砍木、堆草,自己做鞋、自已扫屋,用木碗盛饭,而且尝试尽量去爱他的仇敌
One morning Mr and Mrs Lincoln were having breakfast when Lincolndid something that aroused the fiery temper of his wife. What, noone remembers now. But Mrs Lincoln, in a rage, dashed a cup of hotcoffee into her husband's face. And she did it in front of the otherboarders. Saying nothing, Lincoln sat there in humiliation and silencewhile Mrs Early came with a wet towel and wiped off his face andclothes.
托尔斯泰一生的过程,该是一幕悲剧,而造成悲剧的原因,是他的婚姻。他妻子喜爱奢侈、虚荣,可是他却轻视、鄙弃。她渴望着显赫、名誉,和社会上的赞美。可是,托尔斯泰对这些,却不屑」顾。她希望有金钱和财产;而他却认为财富和私产是一种罪恶。
Mrs Lincoln's jealousy was so foolish, so fierce, so incredible, thatmerely to read about some of the pathetic and disgraceful scenesshe created in public—merely reading about them seventy-five yearslater makes one gasp with astonishment. She finally went insane;and perhaps the most charitable thing one can say about her is thather disposition was probably always affected by incipient insanity.Did all this nagging and scolding and raging change Lincoln? In oneway, yes. It certainly changed his attitude toward her. It made himregret his unfortunate marriage, and it made him avoid her presenceas much as possible.
这样经过了好多年,她吵闹、谩骂、哭叫,因为他坚持放弃他所有作品的出版权,不收任何的稿费、版税。可是,她却希望得到从那方面而来的财富。
Springfield had eleven attorneys, and they couldn't all make a livingthere; so they used to ride horseback from one county seat toanother, following Judge David Davis while he was holding court invarious places. In that way, they managed to pick up business fromall the county seat towns throughout the Eighth Judicial District.The other attorneys always managed to get back to Springfield eachSaturday and spend the week-end with their families. But Lincolndidn't. He dreaded to go home: and for three months in the spring,and again for three months in the autumn, he remained out on thecircuit and never went near Springfield. He kept this up year afteryear. Living conditions in the country hotels were often wretched;but, wretched as they were, he preferred them to his own home andMrs Lincoln's constant nagging and wild outbursts of temper.
当他反对她时,她就会像疯了似的哭闹,倒在地板上打滚………她手一果拿了一瓶鸦片烟膏,要吞服自杀,同时还恫吓丈夫,说要跳井。
Such are the results that Mrs Lincoln, the Empress Eugenic, andCountess Tolstoi obtained by their nagging. They brought nothingbut tragedy into their lives. They destroyed all that they cherishedmost.
在他们生活过程中,有一件事,我认为是历史上,最悲惨的一幕。我已经有说过,他们开始的婚姻,是非常美满的,可是经过四十八年后,他已无法忍受再见到自己妻子一眼。
Bessie Hamburger, who has spent eleven years in the DomesticRelations Court in New York City, and has reviewed thousands ofcases of desertion, says that one of the chief reasons men leavehome is because their wives nag. Or, as the Boston Post puts it:"Many a wife has made her own marital grave with a series of littledigs."
在某一天的晚上,这个年老伤心的妻子,渴望着爱情,她跪在丈夫膝前,央求他朗诵五十年前,他为她所写,最美丽的爱情诗章。当他读到那些美丽、甜蜜的日子,现在已成了逝去的回忆时,他们俩都激动的痛哭起来………生活的现实,和逝去的回忆,那是多么的不同
So, if you want to keep your home life happy,
最后,当他八十二岁的时候,托尔斯泰再也忍受不住他家庭折磨的痛苦,就在一九一o年十月,一个大雪纷飞的夜晚,他脱离他的妻子而逃出家门………逃向酷寒、黑暗,而不知去向。
Rule 1 is: Don't, don't nag!!!
经过十一天后,托尔斯泰患肺炎,倒在一个车站里,他临死前的请求是,不允许他的妻
子来看他。
这是托尔斯泰夫人抱怨、吵闹,和歇斯底里,所付出的代价。
也许人们认为,她在若干地方吵闹,也不能算是过份!是的,我们可承认这样的说法,可是这不是我们所讨论的问题。而最重要的是,那种喋喋不休的吵闹,是否对她有了某种帮助?还是杷事情弄得更糟?
「我想我真是神经失常!」托尔斯泰夫人觉悟到那句话时,已经晚了。
林肯一生过程中最大的悲剧,也是他的婚姻。请你注意,不是他的被刺,而是他的婚姻。当波司向他放枪时,他并未感觉到自己受了伤………原因是他几乎每天生活在痛苦中。
他的法律同仁哈顿,形容林肯在他二十三年来所过的日于,都是「处在由于婚姻不幸,所造成的痛苦中。」「婚姻不幸」?那几乎有四分之一世纪的时间,林肯夫人都是喋喋不休,困疲了林肯的一生。
她永远抱怨,永远批评她的丈夫,她认为她丈夫林肯的一切,没有一件是对的。她抱怨丈夫,脚步中没有一点弹性,动作一点也不斯文,甚至做出丈夫那副模样来嘲笑丈夫,她喋喋不休的要他改变走路的样子。
她不爱看他两只大耳朵,和他的头成直角的……甚至指她丈夫的鼻子也不挺直,又指他嘴唇如何难看……手脚太大,偏偏脑袋又这么小。她又说她丈夫像个痨病鬼。
林肯和他的妻子,在各方面都是相反的……在教养方面、环境方面、性情上、志趣上……还包括智能和外貌上……他们时常彼此激怒、敌视。
已故上议员「比弗瑞滋」,是研究林肯传记的一位权威。他这样写着:一林肯夫人那尖锐刺耳的声音,隔着一条街都可以听到。她不断的怒吼,凡住在邻近的人们都听得见。她的忿怒,常用言语以外的方法发泄出来,而要形容她那副忿怒的神情,很不容易。」
有这样一个例子:林肯夫妇结婚后不久,和欧莉夫人住在一起--她是春田镇上一个医生的寡妇,或许为了贴补家里一份收入,不得不让人进来寄住。
有一天早晨,林肯夫妇两人正在吃早餐时,林肯不知为了什么原因,激起他妻子的暴怒,林肯夫人在盛怒下,端起一杯热咖啡,朝丈夫的脸上泼去……她是当着许多住客面前这样做的。
林肯不说一句话,就忍着气坐在那里,这时欧莉夫人过来,用一块毛巾,把林肯脸上和衣衫上的咖啡拭去。
林肯夫人的嫉妒,几乎达到已使人无法相信的程度,她是那样的凶狠、激烈……只需读几段她当着众人面前,所做的可怜丢人的事,就是七十五年后读到这些事,还会令人吃惊。她最后精神失常了--如果我们厚道的说她一句,那是说她一向就有点神经质的。
所有那些吵闹、责骂、喋喋不休,是不是把林肯改变了?从另一方面讲,是的。那确实改变了林肯对她的态度,那使他后悔这桩不幸的婚姻,而且使他尽量避免跟她见面。
春田镇有十一位律师,他们不能都挤在一个地方糊口谋生。所以他们常骑着马,跟着当时担任法庭职务的台维斯法官,去其它各地--那样,他们才能在第八司法区里各镇的法庭上,找点工作。
其它律师们,谁都希望周末回春田,回去跟家人欢渡周末。可是林肯不回春田,他就怕回家,春季三个月,秋季三个月,他宁愿留在他乡,不愿意走近春田。
他每年都是如此。住宿镇上小旅店,不是一桩舒服的事!可是林肯愿意单独住在那里,不想回家去听他太太喋喋不休的吵闹。
这就是林肯夫人、依琴尼皇后,和托尔斯泰夫人,她们和丈夫争闹后的结局。她们所获得的,是生命过程中一幕悲剧的收场。她们把珍爱的一切,和她们的爱情,就这样毁灭了。
「海姆伯格」,他在纽的家事法庭工作十一年,曾批阅过数千件的「遗弃」案件。他对这方面,有这样的见解,他说:男人离开家庭的一个主要原因,那是因为他们的妻子又吵又闹,喋喋不休。波士顿邮报上,曾报导出这样一节:「许多做妻子的,连续不断,一次又一次在泥地挖掘,而完成了她们一座婚姻的坟墓。」
所以,你要保持你家庭的美满、快乐,第一项规则是:切莫喋喋不休。
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2011-02-15 10:33 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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