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《人性的弱点》第4篇第9章 使人们乐意做你所要的事

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小编摘要:你要改变他人的意志,而不引起他的反感、抱怨,第九项规则是:使人们乐意去做你所建议的事。

Back in 1915, America was aghast. For more than a year,the nations of Europe had been slaughtering one anotheron a scale never before dreamed of in all thebloody annals of mankind. Could peace be broughtabout? No one knew. But Woodrow Wilson was determinedto try. He would send a personal representative,a peace emissary, to counsel with the warlords of Europe.

William Jennings Bryan, secretary of state, Bryan, thepeace advocate, longed to go. He saw a chance to performa great service and make his name immortal. ButWilson appointed another man, his intimate friend andadvisor Colonel Edward M. House; and it was House’sthorny task to break the unwelcome news to Bryan withoutgiving him offense.

“Bryan was distinctly disappointed when he heard Iwas to go to Europe as the peace emissary,” ColonelHouse records in his diary. “He said he had planned todo this himself . . .

"I replied that the President thought it would be unwisefor anyone to do this officially, and that his goingwould attract a great deal of attention and peoplewould wonder why he was there. . . ."

You see the intimation? House practically told Bryanthat he was too important for the job - and Bryan wassatisfied.

Colonel House, adroit, experienced in the ways of theworld, was following one of the important rules ofhuman relations: Always make the other person happyabout doing the thing you suggest.

Woodrow Wilson followed that policy even when invitingWilliam Gibbs McAdoo to become a member ofhis cabinet. That was the highest honor he could conferupon anyone, and yet Wilson extended the invitation insuch a way as to make McAdoo feel doubly important.Here is the story in McAdoo's own words: “He [Wilson]said that he was making up his cabinet and that he wouldbe very glad if I would accept a place in it as Secretaryof the Treasury. He had a delightful way of puttingthings; he created the impression that by accepting this great honor I would be doing him a favor.”

Unfortunately, Wilson didn’t always employ such taut.If he had, history might have been different. For example,Wilson didn’t make the Senate and the RepublicanParty happy by entering the United States in the Leagueof Nations. Wilson refused to take such prominent Republicanleaders as Elihu Root or Charles Evans Hughesor Henry Cabot Lodge to the peace conference withhim. Instead, he took along unknown men from his ownparty. He snubbed the Republicans, refused to let themfeel that the League was their idea as well as his, refusedto let them have a finger in the pie; and, as a result ofthis crude handling of human relations, wrecked his owncareer, ruined his health, shortened his life, causedAmerica to stay out of the League, and altered the historyof the world.

Statesmen and diplomats aren’t the only ones who usethis make-a-person-happy-yo-do-things-you-want-them-to-do approach. Dale O. Ferrier of Fort Wayne, Indiana,told how he encouraged one of his young children towillingly do the chore he was assigned.

“One of Jeff’s chores was to pick up pears from underthe pear tree so the person who was mowing underneathwouldn’t have to stop to pick them up. He didn’t likethis chore, and frequently it was either not done at all orit was done so poorly that the mower had to stop andpick up several pears that he had missed. Rather thanhave an eyeball-to-eyeball confrontation about it, oneday I said to him: ‘Jeff, I’ll make a deal with you. Forevery bushel basket full of pears you pick up, I’ll payyou one dollar. But after you are finished, for every pearI find left in the yard, I’ll take away a dollar. How doesthat sound?’ As you would expect, he not only picked upall of the pears, but I had to keep an eye on him to seethat he didn’t pull a few off the trees to fill up some ofthe baskets.”

I knew a man who had to refuse many invitations tospeak, invitations extended by friends, invitations comingfrom people to whom he was obligated; and yet hedid it so adroitly that the other person was at least contentedwith his refusal. How did he do it? Not by merelytalking about the fact that he was too busy and too-this and too-that. No, after expressing his appreciation of theinvitation and regretting his inability to accept it, he suggesteda substitute speaker. In other words, he didn’tgive the other person any time to feel unhappy about therefusal, He immediately changed the other person’sthoughts to some other speaker who could accept theinvitation.

Gunter Schmidt, who took our course in West Germany,told of an employee in the food store he managedwho was negligent about putting the proper price tagson the shelves where the items were displayed. Thiscaused confusion and customer complaints. Reminders,admonitions, confrontations, with her about this did notdo much good. Finally, Mr. Schmidt called her into hisoffice and told her he was appointing her Supervisor ofPrice Tag Posting for the entire store and she would beresponsible for keeping all of the shelves properlytagged. This new responsibility and title changed herattitude completely, and she fulfiled her duties satisfactorilyfrom then on.

Childish? Perhaps. But that is what they said to Napoleonwhen he created the Legion of Honor and distributed15,000 crosses to his soldiers and madeeighteen of his generals “Marshals of France” and calledhis troops the “Grand Army.” Napoleon was criticizedfor giving “toys” to war-hardened veterans, and Napoleonreplied, “Men are ruled by toys.”

This technique of giving titles and authority workedfor Napoleon and it will work for you. For example, afriend of mine, Mrs. Ernest Gent of Scarsdale, NewYork, was troubled by boys running across and destroyingher lawn. She tried criticism. She tried coaxing. Neitherworked. Then she tried giving the worst sinner inthe gang a title and a feeling of authority. She made himher “detective” and put him in charge of keeping alltrespassers off her lawn. That solved her problem. Her“detective” built a bonfire in the backyard, heated aniron red hot, and threatened to brand any boy whostepped on the lawn.

The effective leader should keep the following guidelinesin mind when it is necessary to change attitudes orbehavior:

1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that youcannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourselfand concentrate on the benefits to the other person.

2. Know exactly what it is you want the other personto do.

3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the otherperson really wants.

4. Consider the benefits that person will receivefrom doing what you suggest.

5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.

6. When you make your request, put it in a formthat will convey to the other person the idea that hepersonally will benefit. We could give a curt order likethis: " John, we have customers coming in tomorrowand I need the stockroom cleaned out. So sweep it out,put the stock in neat piles on the shelves and polishthe counter.” Or we could express the same idea byshowing John the benefits he will get from doing thetask: “John, we have a job that should be completedright away. If it is done now, we won’t be faced withit later. I am bringing some customers in tomorrow toshow our facilities. I would like to show them thestockroom, but it is in poor shape. If you could sweepit out, put the stock in neat piles on the shelves, andpolish the counter, it would make us look efficient andyou will have done your part to provide a good companyimage.”

Will John be happy about doing what you suggest?Probably not very happy, but happier than if you had notpointed out the benefits. Assuming you know that Johnhas pride in the way his stockroom looks and is interestedin contributing to the company image, he will bemore likely to be cooperative. It also will have beenpointed out to John that the job would have to be doneeventually and by doing it now, he won’t be faced withit later.

It is na?ve to believe you will always get a favorablereaction from other persons when you use these approaches, but the experience of most people shows thatyou are more likely to change attitudes this way than bynot using these principles - and if you increase your successesby even a mere 10 percent, you have become 10percent more effective as a leader than you were before- and that is your benefit.

People are more likely to do what you would like themto do when you use . . .

PRINCIPLE 9 Make the other person happy about doingthe thing you suggest.

In a Nutshell BE A LEADER

A leader’s job often includes changing your people’sattitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplishthis:

PRINCIPLE 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

PRINCIPLE 2 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

PRINCIPLE 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizingthe otherperson.

PRINCIPLE 4 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

PRINCIPLE 5 Let the other person save face.

PRINCIPLE 6 Praise the slightest improvement and praise everyimprovement. Be “hearty in your approbation andlavish inyour praise.”

PRINCIPLE 7 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

PRINCIPLE 8 Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy tocorrect.

PRINCIPLE 9 Make the other person happy about doing the thingyousuggest.


一九一五年,美国举国震惊,因为就在一年间,欧洲各国彼此残杀;规模之大,为人类战争史上所罕见。和平能实现吗?没有人知道。可是,威尔逊总统决心要为这件事而努力,他要派一个代表,一个和平专使,去和欧洲那些军阀们会商。

当时国务卿勃雷恩,是主张和平最有力的人,他希望为这件事奔走。他看出这是个绝好的机会--可以完成一桩名垂后世的伟大任务。可是威尔逊总统却派了另外一个人那是勃雷恩的好友郝斯上校。郝斯上校如果把这件事告欣勃雷恩,而不惹起勃雷恩的愤怒这是很不容易做到的事。

郝斯上校的日记上写着:「当勃雷恩听说我要去欧洲担任和平专使,显然他感到极大的失望。勃雷恩表示,这件事原本他是准备自己去的。

我回答说,总统认为一位政府大员担任这件事,是非常不适宜的。如果去了那里,会引起人们极大的注意--美国政府怎么派一个国务卿来参商此事?」

你是否有看出这话中的暗示?郝斯上校似乎就在告诉勃雷恩他的职位是何等重要,担任那项工作是极不适宜的。而勃雷恩满意了。

机警而富于社会处世经验的郝斯上校,他做到了人与人之间关系中,一项重要的规则,

那是:「永远使人们乐意去做你所建议的事。」

威尔逊总统请麦克杜,做他的阁员时,也运用了这项规则!那是他能给任何人的最高荣誉,可是威尔逊总统的做法,更使别人感觉到自己加倍的重要。这里是麦克杜自己叙述的故事:

「威尔逊总统说他正在组织内合,如果我答应担任财政部长一职,会使他非常高兴。他把这件事说得叫人非常地开心;他使我觉得我如果接受这项荣誉,就好象我帮了他一个大忙。」

可是不幸的,威尔逊总统没有永远运用那一种手腕,如果他运用了的话,历史的演变,或许跟现在就不一样了。

例如:关于美国加入国际联盟,并没有获得议院和共和党的赞同。威尔逊总统拒绝带洛德、休士,或是其它著名的共和党党员随行,参加和平会议;反而带了两个党内并没有名望的人,去参加会议。他冷落了共和党,不使他们觉得创办国联是他们的意见;这是他的意思,不要他们插手。威尔逊粗率的处置,摧毁了他自己的事业、损害了他的健康,甚至影响到他的寿命。使美国始终未加入国联,并且改变了以后世界的历史。

著名的「双日页」出版商,永远遵守这项规则:「使人们乐意去做你所建议的事。」他们明确的履行这项规则名作家亨利说,那家「双日页」,有时拒绝替他出版某一部书,可是拒绝得非常谦冲得体,决不使人有不愉快的感觉。亨利觉得二双日页」虽然拒绝了,可是比别家接受他的小说还值得高兴。

我认识一个人,有许多人请他去演说,因此,他必须拒绝不少人。来邀请他去的,都是他的朋友,或是那此一一极有交往的人。然而,他婉辞得非常巧妙,对方虽然遭他拒绝,可是还感到满意。

他是如何应付他们的?是告诉他的朋友,太忙抽不出时闲?或是其它什么原困。不,不是的。他表示感激对方的邀请,同时感到非常抱歉,接着他建议一位能代替他演说的人。也就是说,他不会使人感到不愉快。

他会作这样的建议:「你为什么不请我的朋友,︵勃洛克林鹰报。的编辑、洛格斯。先生替你们演讲?你有没有想到那位、伊考克。先生,他曾在巴黎住了十五年,关于他在欧洲作通讯员的经验,相信会有许多惊奇的故事可说。还有那位、郎法洛。先生,他有很多在印度打猎的影片。」

「万特」是纽约一家「万特印刷公司」的经理,他要改变一位技术师的态度和要求,而不引起反感。这位技术师负责管理若干台打字机,和其它日夜不停在运转的机器。他总是抱怨工作时间太长,工作太多,他需要一个助手。

可是那位万特先生,没有缩短他的工作时间,没有替他添任何一个助手,却使这位技师高兴起来这是什么原因?万特想出的主意很简单,他给那位技师一间私人办公室。办公室外面挂上一块牌子,上面写着他的名字和头衔「服务部主任」。

这么一来,他不再是任何人可以随便下命令使唤的修理匠了。他现在是一个部门的主任,他有了自尊、自重的感觉这位「服务部主任」现在很高兴,已不再抱怨了。

是不是太幼稚了?或许是的……可是就有这样一件事,发生在拿破仑身上。当他训练荣誉军时,发出一千五百枚十宇徽章给他的士兵,封他的十八位将军为「法国大将」,称他的军队为「伟大的军队」的时候,人们也说他「孩子气」,讥笑他拿玩具给那些出生入死的老军人。拿破仑回答说:「是的,有时人就是受玩具所统治。」

这种以名衔、或权威赠予的方法,对拿破仑有效,对你同样有效。例如:前面我曾提到过我的一个朋友纽约的「琴德」夫人。她家里有一块草地,常被那些顽皮的孩子所踩坏,使她受到很大的困扰。琴德夫人对那些孩子劝告、吓唬都不管用,可是终于给她想出一个办法来了……

她从他们之间,找出一个最坏的孩子,并给那孩子一个名衔,使他有一种权威的感觉。她叫那孩子做她的「密探」,专门侦察那些侵入她草地的孩子们,她这个办法果然有效。做她「密探」的那个孩子,在后面院子燃起一堆火,把一条铁棍烧得红红的,恐吓那些孩子,谁再闯进草地,他就用烧红的铁烫谁。

这就是人类的天性。

所以你要改变他人的意志,而不引起他的反感、抱怨,第九项规则是:

使人们乐意去做你所建议的事。

● 提要改变人而不触犯或引起反感的九种方法

第一项规则:用称赞和真诚的欣赏作开始。

第二项规则:间接的指出人们的错误。

第三项规则:在批评对方之前,不妨先谈谈你自己的过错。

第四项规则:发问时,别用直接的命令。

第五项规则:顾全对方的面子。

第六项规则:称赞最细微的进步,而且称赞每一个进步。

第七项规则:给人们一个美名让他去保全。

第八项规则:用鼓励,使你要改正的错误,看来很易做到;使你要对方所做的事,好象很易做到。

第九项规则:使人们乐意去做你所建议的事。
标签:人性 弱点 乐意
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2011-02-11 09:43 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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