《人性的弱点》第4篇第9章 使人们乐意做你所要的事

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Back in 1915, America was aghast. For more than a year,the nations of Europe had been slaughtering one anotheron a scale never before dreamed of in all thebloody annals of mankind. Could peace be broughtabout? No one knew. But Woodrow Wilson was determinedto try. He would send a personal representative,a peace emissary, to counsel with the warlords of Europe.

William Jennings Bryan, secretary of state, Bryan, thepeace advocate, longed to go. He saw a chance to performa great service and make his name immortal. ButWilson appointed another man, his intimate friend andadvisor Colonel Edward M. House; and it was House’sthorny task to break the unwelcome news to Bryan withoutgiving him offense.

“Bryan was distinctly disappointed when he heard Iwas to go to Europe as the peace emissary,” ColonelHouse records in his diary. “He said he had planned todo this himself . . .

"I replied that the President thought it would be unwisefor anyone to do this officially, and that his goingwould attract a great deal of attention and peoplewould wonder why he was there. . . ."

You see the intimation? House practically told Bryanthat he was too important for the job - and Bryan wassatisfied.

Colonel House, adroit, experienced in the ways of theworld, was following one of the important rules ofhuman relations: Always make the other person happyabout doing the thing you suggest.

Woodrow Wilson followed that policy even when invitingWilliam Gibbs McAdoo to become a member ofhis cabinet. That was the highest honor he could conferupon anyone, and yet Wilson extended the invitation insuch a way as to make McAdoo feel doubly important.Here is the story in McAdoo's own words: “He [Wilson]said that he was making up his cabinet and that he wouldbe very glad if I would accept a place in it as Secretaryof the Treasury. He had a delightful way of puttingthings; he created the impression that by accepting this great honor I would be doing him a favor.”

Unfortunately, Wilson didn’t always employ such taut.If he had, history might have been different. For example,Wilson didn’t make the Senate and the RepublicanParty happy by entering the United States in the Leagueof Nations. Wilson refused to take such prominent Republicanleaders as Elihu Root or Charles Evans Hughesor Henry Cabot Lodge to the peace conference withhim. Instead, he took along unknown men from his ownparty. He snubbed the Republicans, refused to let themfeel that the League was their idea as well as his, refusedto let them have a finger in the pie; and, as a result ofthis crude handling of human relations, wrecked his owncareer, ruined his health, shortened his life, causedAmerica to stay out of the League, and altered the historyof the world.

Statesmen and diplomats aren’t the only ones who usethis make-a-person-happy-yo-do-things-you-want-them-to-do approach. Dale O. Ferrier of Fort Wayne, Indiana,told how he encouraged one of his young children towillingly do the chore he was assigned.

“One of Jeff’s chores was to pick up pears from underthe pear tree so the person who was mowing underneathwouldn’t have to stop to pick them up. He didn’t likethis chore, and frequently it was either not done at all orit was done so poorly that the mower had to stop andpick up several pears that he had missed. Rather thanhave an eyeball-to-eyeball confrontation about it, oneday I said to him: ‘Jeff, I’ll make a deal with you. Forevery bushel basket full of pears you pick up, I’ll payyou one dollar. But after you are finished, for every pearI find left in the yard, I’ll take away a dollar. How doesthat sound?’ As you would expect, he not only picked upall of the pears, but I had to keep an eye on him to seethat he didn’t pull a few off the trees to fill up some ofthe baskets.”

I knew a man who had to refuse many invitations tospeak, invitations extended by friends, invitations comingfrom people to whom he was obligated; and yet hedid it so adroitly that the other person was at least contentedwith his refusal. How did he do it? Not by merelytalking about the fact that he was too busy and too-this and too-that. No, after expressing his appreciation of theinvitation and regretting his inability to accept it, he suggesteda substitute speaker. In other words, he didn’tgive the other person any time to feel unhappy about therefusal, He immediately changed the other person’sthoughts to some other speaker who could accept theinvitation.

Gunter Schmidt, who took our course in West Germany,told of an employee in the food store he managedwho was negligent about putting the proper price tagson the shelves where the items were displayed. Thiscaused confusion and customer complaints. Reminders,admonitions, confrontations, with her about this did notdo much good. Finally, Mr. Schmidt called her into hisoffice and told her he was appointing her Supervisor ofPrice Tag Posting for the entire store and she would beresponsible for keeping all of the shelves properlytagged. This new responsibility and title changed herattitude completely, and she fulfiled her duties satisfactorilyfrom then on.

Childish? Perhaps. But that is what they said to Napoleonwhen he created the Legion of Honor and distributed15,000 crosses to his soldiers and madeeighteen of his generals “Marshals of France” and calledhis troops the “Grand Army.” Napoleon was criticizedfor giving “toys” to war-hardened veterans, and Napoleonreplied, “Men are ruled by toys.”

This technique of giving titles and authority workedfor Napoleon and it will work for you. For example, afriend of mine, Mrs. Ernest Gent of Scarsdale, NewYork, was troubled by boys running across and destroyingher lawn. She tried criticism. She tried coaxing. Neitherworked. Then she tried giving the worst sinner inthe gang a title and a feeling of authority. She made himher “detective” and put him in charge of keeping alltrespassers off her lawn. That solved her problem. Her“detective” built a bonfire in the backyard, heated aniron red hot, and threatened to brand any boy whostepped on the lawn.

The effective leader should keep the following guidelinesin mind when it is necessary to change attitudes orbehavior:

1. Be sincere. Do not promise anything that youcannot deliver. Forget about the benefits to yourselfand concentrate on the benefits to the other person.

2. Know exactly what it is you want the other personto do.

3. Be empathetic. Ask yourself what is it the otherperson really wants.

4. Consider the benefits that person will receivefrom doing what you suggest.

5. Match those benefits to the other person’s wants.

6. When you make your request, put it in a formthat will convey to the other person the idea that hepersonally will benefit. We could give a curt order likethis: " John, we have customers coming in tomorrowand I need the stockroom cleaned out. So sweep it out,put the stock in neat piles on the shelves and polishthe counter.” Or we could express the same idea byshowing John the benefits he will get from doing thetask: “John, we have a job that should be completedright away. If it is done now, we won’t be faced withit later. I am bringing some customers in tomorrow toshow our facilities. I would like to show them thestockroom, but it is in poor shape. If you could sweepit out, put the stock in neat piles on the shelves, andpolish the counter, it would make us look efficient andyou will have done your part to provide a good companyimage.”

Will John be happy about doing what you suggest?Probably not very happy, but happier than if you had notpointed out the benefits. Assuming you know that Johnhas pride in the way his stockroom looks and is interestedin contributing to the company image, he will bemore likely to be cooperative. It also will have beenpointed out to John that the job would have to be doneeventually and by doing it now, he won’t be faced withit later.

It is na?ve to believe you will always get a favorablereaction from other persons when you use these approaches, but the experience of most people shows thatyou are more likely to change attitudes this way than bynot using these principles - and if you increase your successesby even a mere 10 percent, you have become 10percent more effective as a leader than you were before- and that is your benefit.

People are more likely to do what you would like themto do when you use . . .

PRINCIPLE 9 Make the other person happy about doingthe thing you suggest.

In a Nutshell BE A LEADER

A leader’s job often includes changing your people’sattitudes and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplishthis:

PRINCIPLE 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

PRINCIPLE 2 Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.

PRINCIPLE 3 Talk about your own mistakes before criticizingthe otherperson.

PRINCIPLE 4 Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

PRINCIPLE 5 Let the other person save face.

PRINCIPLE 6 Praise the slightest improvement and praise everyimprovement. Be “hearty in your approbation andlavish inyour praise.”

PRINCIPLE 7 Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

PRINCIPLE 8 Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy tocorrect.

PRINCIPLE 9 Make the other person happy about doing the thingyousuggest.

























● 提要改变人而不触犯或引起反感的九种方法









标签:人性 弱点 乐意
2011-02-11 09:43 编辑:kuaileyingyu