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《人性的弱点》第4篇第8章 使错误看起来容易改正

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小编摘要:如果你要改变人们的意志而不触犯,或是引起反感,第八项规则是:用鼓励,使你要改正的错误,看来很容易做到;使你要对方所做的事,好象很容易做到。

A bachelor friend of mine, about forty years old, becameengaged, and his fiancée persuaded him to take somebelated dancing lessons. “The Lord knows I neededdancing lessons,” he confessed as he told me the story,“for I danced just as I did when I first started twentyyears ago. The first teacher I engaged probably told methe truth. She said I was all wrong; I would just have toforget everything and begin all over again. But that tookthe heart out of me. I had no incentive to go on. So I quither.

“The next teacher may have been lying, but I liked it.She said nonchalantly that my dancing was a bit old-fashionedperhaps, but the fundamentals were all right,and she assured me I wouldn’t have any trouble learninga few new steps. The first teacher had discouraged meby emphasizing my mistakes. This new teacher did theopposite. She kept praising the things I did right andminimizing my errors. ‘You have a natural sense ofrhythm,’ she assured me. ‘You really are a natural-borndancer.’ Now my common sense tells me that I alwayshave been and always will be a fourth-rate dancer; yet,deep in my heart, I still like to think that maybe shemeant it. To be sure, I was paying her to say it; but whybring that up?

“At any rate, I know I am a better dancer than I wouldhave been if she hadn’t told me I had a naturalsense ofrhythm. That encouraged me. That gave me hope. Thatmade me want to improve.”

Tell your child, your spouse, or your employee that heor she is stupid or dumb at a certain thing, has no gift forit, and is doing it all wrong, and you have destroyedalmost every incentive to try to improve. But use theopposite technique - be liberal with your encouragement,make the thing seem easy to do, let the other personknow that you have faith in his ability to do it, thathe has an undeveloped flair for it - and he will practiceuntil the dawn comes in the window in order to excel.

Lowell Thomas, a superb artist in human relations,used this technique, He gave you confidence, inspiredyou with courage and faith. For example, I spent a weekendwith Mr. and Mrs. Thomas; and on Saturday night,I was asked to sit in on a friendly bridge game before aroaring fire. Bridge? Oh, no! No! No! Not me. I knewnothing about it. The game had always been a blackmystery to me, No! No! Impossible!

“Why, Dale, it is no trick at all,” Lowell replied.“There is nothing to bridge except memory and judgment.You’ve written articles on memory. Bridge will bea cinch for you. It’s right up your alley.”

And presto, almost before I realized what I was doing,I found myself for the first time at a bridge table. Allbecause I was told I had a natural flair for it and thegame was made to seem easy.

Speaking of bridge reminds me of Ely Culbertson,whose books on bridge have been translated into adozen languages and have sold more than a million copies.Yet he told me he never would have made a professionout of the game if a certain young woman hadn’tassured him he had a flair for it.

When he came to America in 1922, he tried to get a jobteaching in philosophy and sociology, but he couldn’t.Then he tried selling coal, and he failed at that.Then he tried selling coffee, and he failed at that, too.

He had played some bridge, but it had never occurredto him in those days that someday he would teach it. Hewas not only a poor card player, but he was also verystubborn. He asked so many questions and held so manypost-mortem examinations that no one wanted to playwith him.

Then he met a pretty bridge teacher, Josephine Dillon,fell in love and married her. She noticed how carefully he analyzed his cards and persuaded him that hewas a potential genius at the card table. It was that encouragementand that alone, Culbertson told me, thatcaused him to make a profession of bridge.

Clarence M. Jones, one of the instructors of our coursein Cincinnati, Ohio, told how encouragement and makingfaults seem easy to correct completely changed thelife of his son.

“In 1970 my son David, who was then fifteen yearsold, came to live with me in Cincinnati. He had led arough life. In 1958 his head was cut open in a car accident,leaving a very bad scar on his forehead. In 1960his mother and I were divorced and he moved to Dallas,Texas, with his mother. Until he was fifteen he had spentmost of his school years in special classes for slow learnersin the Dallas school system. Possibly because of thescar, school administrators had decided he was brain-injuredand could not function at a normal level. He wastwo years behind his age group, so he was only in theseventh grade. Yet he did not know his multiplicationtables, added on his fingers and could barely read.

“There was one positive point. He loved to work onradio and TV sets. He wanted to become a TV technician.I encouraged this and pointed out that he neededmath to qualify for the training. I decided to help himbecome proficient in this subject. We obtained four setsof flash cards: multiplication, division, addition and subtraction.As we went through the cards, we put the correctanswers in a discard stack. When David missed one,I gave him the correct answer and then put the card inthe repeat stack until there were no cards left. I made abig deal out of each card he got right, particularly if hehad missed it previously. Each night we would gothrough the repeat stack until there were no cards left.

Each night we timed the exercise with a stop watch. Ipromised him that when he could get all the cards correctin eight minutes with no incorrect answers, wewould quit doing it every night. This seemed an impossiblegoal to David. The first night it took 52 minutes,the second night, 48, then 45, 44, 41 then under 40 minutes.We celebrated each reduction. I’d call in my wife,and we would both hug him and we’d all dance a jig. At the end of the month he was doing all the cards perfectlyin less than eight minutes. When he made a small improvementhe would ask to do it again. He had made thefantastic discovery that learning was easy and fun.

“Naturally his grades in algebra took a jump. It isamazing how much easier algebra is when you can multiply.He astonished himself by bringing home a B inmath. That had never happened before. Other changescame with almost unbelievable rapidity. His reading improvedrapidly, and he began to use his natural talentsin drawing. Later in the school year his science teacherassigned him to develop an exhibit. He chose to developa highly complex series of models to demonstrate theeffect of levers. It required skill not only in drawing andmodel making but in applied mathematics. The exhibittook first prize in his school’s science fair and was enteredin the city competition and won third prize for theentire city of Cincinnati.

“That did it. Here was a kid who had flunked twogrades, who had been told he was ‘brain-damaged,’ whohad been called ‘Frankenstein’ by hisclassmates andtold his brains must have leaked out of the cut on hishead. Suddenly he discovered he could really learn andaccomplish things. The result? From the last quarter ofthe eighth grade all the way through high school, henever failed to make the honor roll; in high school hewas elected to the national honor society. Once he foundlearning was easy, his whole life changed.”

If you want to help others to improve, remember . . .

PRINCIPLE 8 Use encouragement. Make the fault seeme asy to correct.


我有一个尚未结婚的朋友,年的四十岁,不久前才订婚。他未婚妻劝他学跳舞这在他来说,或许太迟了。他告诉我经过情形的时候,说:

「天晓得,我需要学跳舞--因为我现在跳起来,还是像二十年前开始学跳舞的时候一样。我所请的第一位老师,说的或许是直一话。她告诉我说,我的舞步完全不对,必需从头再学起,但那使我很灰心。我无心再继续学了,所以我辞掉她。

第二个老师,说的也许不是实在话,可是我听了很高兴。她冷漠的说,我跳的舞步有点旧式,可是基本步子是对的,她说我不难学会几种流行的新舞步。

第一个老师,打消了我的兴趣,第二个老师恰好相反,她不断的称赞我,减少了我舞步上的错误。她肯定的对我说:、你有一种很自然的韵律感,你该是一位天才的舞蹈家.可是我自己知道,我祇是一位第四流的舞蹈者。可是,在我心里,却希望她所说的也许是真的。是的,或许是我付了学费,才使她说那些话的。

但,无论如何,我现在所跳的舞步,要比她还没有说我有一种「很自然的韵律感」那句话前,感到好得多了。我感谢她,她那句话鼓励了我,给了我希望,使我自己愿意改进。」

告诉一个孩子、一个丈夫,或是一个员工,他在某一件事上愚蠢至极,没有一点的天伦

,他所做的完全不对。那你就破坏了他想要进取、上进的心情。可是,如果运用一种相反的技巧,多给人们一些鼓励,把事情看成很容易。使对方知道,你对他有信心,他有尚未发展出的才干,那他就会付出最大的努力,争取到这个胜利。

那是汤姆士所用的方法--他该是人类关系学上,一位伟大的艺术家。他会成全你,给你信心,他用勇气和信任来鼓励你。我现在举出一个例子来:

最近我同汤姆士夫妇消磨周末,星期六晚上,他们约我一起玩「桥牌」。「桥牌」,那对我来讲是一窍不通;这游戏,对我就像一个极神秘的谜。「不,不,我不会!」我不得不这样说。

汤姆士说:「戴尔这并没有什么技巧--在玩、桥牌。时,只要用点记忆和判断就行了,此外就谈不上任何的技巧了。你曾写过一章关于记忆方面的文章,所以、桥牌。对你是一项极容易学会的游戏。」

这是我有生以来,第一次坐在「桥牌」桌上那是由于汤姆士说我有玩「桥牌」游戏的天才,而使我感觉这种游戏并不难。

谈到「桥牌」游戏,使我想起克白逊来。凡玩「桥牌」的场所,没有人不知道克白逊这个名字的。他所着有关「桥牌」的书籍,已经译成十二种语言,销售发行的数量,不下一百万册。可是,他曾经这样跟我讲过--若不是有一个年轻少妇告诉他,说他有玩「桥牌」的天才,他一定不会以玩「桥牌」游戏为职业。

当他在一九二二年来到美国时,他打算找一个教哲学,或是社会学的职业,可是没有结

果。

后来,他替人家推销煤,结果失败了。

最后,他替人家推销咖啡,也一无所成。

那时候,他从未想到去教人玩「桥牌」游戏。他不但是个不精于玩牌的人,而且很固执;他常会找出很多麻烦的问题去问对方,所以谁也不愿意跟他一起玩牌。

后来他遇到一位美丽的桥牌老师「狄仑」女士,对她发生了爱情,他们就结婚了。当时,狄仑注意到他十分细心的分析自己手里的牌,于是说他对于「桥牌」,有潜伏的天才。克白这对我说,就是由于狄仑那句话的鼓励,使他后来成为职业的玩「桥牌」专家。

所以,如果你要改变人们的意志而不触犯,或是引起反感,第八项规则是:

用鼓励,使你要改正的错误,看来很容易做到;使你要对方所做的事,好象很容易做到。

标签:人性 弱点 错误
1
2011-02-11 09:34 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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