在线词典,在线翻译

《人性的弱点》第四篇 第2章 如何批评才不致招怨

所属:成长励志 阅读:3111 次 评论:0 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

小编摘要:要改变人们的意志,而不引起对方的反感,第二项规则是:间接的指出人们的过错。


Charles Schwab was passing through one of his steelmills one day at noon when he came across some of hisemployees smoking. Immediately above their heads wasa sign that said “No Smoking.” Did Schwab point to thesign and say, “Can’t you read.? Oh, no not Schwab. Hewalked over to the men, handed each one a cigar, andsaid, “I’ll appreciate it, boys, if you will smoke these onthe outside.” They knew that he knew that they hadbroken a rule - and they admired him because he saidnothing about it and gave them a little present and madethem feel important. Couldn’t keep from loving a manlike that, could you?

John Wanamaker used the same technique. Wanamakerused to make a tour of his great store in Philadelphiaevery day. Once he saw a customer waiting at acounter. No one was paying the slightest attention toher. The salespeople? Oh, they were in a huddle at thefar end of the counter laughing and talking among themselves.Wanamaker didn’t say a word. Quietly slippingbehind the counter, he waited on the woman himselfand then handed the purchase to the salespeople to bewrapped as he went on his way.

Public officials are often criticized for not being accessibleto their constituents. They are busy people, andthe fault sometimes lies in overprotective assistants whodon’t want to overburden their bosses with too manyvisitors. Carl Langford, who has been mayor of Orlando, Florida, the home of Disney World, for many years, frequentlyadmonished his staff to allow people to see him.clamed he had an “open-door” policy; yet the citizensof his community were blocked by secretaries andadministrators when they called.

Finally the mayor found the solution. He removed thedoor from his office! His aides got the message, and themayor has had a truly open administration since the dayhis door was symbolically thrown away.

Simply changing one three-letter word can often spellthe difference between failure and success in changingpeople without giving offense or arousing resentment.

Many people begin their criticism with sincere praisefollowed by the word “but” and ending with a criticalstatement. For example, in trying to change a child’scareless attitude toward studies, we might say, “We’rereally proud of you, Johnnie, for raising your grades thisterm. But if you had worked harder on your algebra, theresults would have been better.”

In this case, Johnnie might feel encouraged until heheard the word “but.” He might then question the sincerityof the original praise. To him, the praise seemedonly to be a contrived lead-in to a critical inference offailure. Credibility would be strained, and we probablywould not achieve our objectives of changing Johnnie’sattitude toward his studies.

This could be easily overcome by changing the word"but" to "and." “We’re really proud of you, Johnnie, forraiseing your grades this term, and by continuing thesame conscientious efforts next term, your algebra gradecan be up with all the others.”

Now, Johnnie would accept the praise because therewas no follow-up of an inference of failure. We havecalled his attention to the behavior we wished to changeindirectly and the chances are he will try to live up toour expectations.

Calling attention to one’s mistakes indirectly workswonders with sensitive people who may resent bitterlyany direct criticism. Marge Jacob of Woonsocket, RhodeIsland, told one of our classes how she convinced somesloppy construction workers to clean up after themselveswhen they were building additions to her house.

For the first few days of the work, when Mrs. Jacobreturned from her job, she noticed that the yard was strewn with the cut ends of lumber. She didn’t want toantagonize the builders, because they did excellentwork. So after the workers had gone home, she and herchildren picked up and neatly piled all the lumber debrisin a corner. The following morning she called theforeman to one side and said, “I’m really pleased withthe way the front lawn was left last night; it is nice andclean and does not offend the neighbors.” From that dayforward the workers picked up and piled the debris toone side, and the foreman came in each day seekingapproval of the condition the lawn was left in after aday’s work.

One of the major areas of controversy between membersof the army reserves and their regular army trainersis haircuts. The reservists consider themselves civilians(which they are most of the time) and resent having tocut their hair short.

Master Sergeant Harley Kaiser of the 542nd USARSchool addressed himself to this problem when he wasworking with a group of reserve noncommissioned officers.As an old-time regular-army master sergeant, hemight have been expected to yell at his troops andthreaten them. Instead he chose to make his point indirectly.

“Gentlemen,” he started, “you are leaders. You willbe most effective when you lead by example. You mustbe the example for your men to follow. You know whatthe army regulations say about haircuts. I am going toget my hair cut today, although it is still much shorterthan some of yours. You look at yourself in the mirror,and if you feel you need a haircut to be a good example,we'll arrange time for you to visit the post barbership.”

The result was predictable. Several of the candidatesdid look in the mirror and went to the barbershop thatafternoon and received “regulation” haircuts. SergeantKaiser commented the next morning that he alreadycould see the development of leadership qualities insome of the members of the squad.

On March 8, 1887, the eloquent Henry Ward Beecherdied. The following Sunday, Lyman Abbott was invitedto speak in the pulpit left silent by Beecher’s passing.Eager to do his best, he wrote, rewrote and polished his sermon with the meticulous care of a Flaubert. Then heread it to his wife. It was poor - as most written speechesare. She might have said, if she had had less judgment,“Lyman, that is terrible. That’ll never do. You’ll put peopleto sleep. It reads like an encyclopedia. You ought toknow better than that after all the years you have beenpreaching. For heaven’s sake, why don’t you talk like ahuman being? Why don’t you act natural? You’ll disgraceyourself if you ever read that stuff.”

That’s what she might have said. And, if she had, youknow what would have happened. And she knew too.So, she merely remarked that it would make an excellentarticle for the North American Review. In other words,she praised it and at the same time subtly suggested thatit wouldn’t do as a speech. Lyman Abbott saw the point,tore up his carefully prepared manuscript and preachedwithout even using notes.

An effective way to correct others’ mistakes is . . .

PRINCIPLE 2Call attention to people’s mistakesindirectly.



那是有一天中午的时候,司华伯偶然走去他一家钢铁厂,看到几个工人在吸烟,而在那些工人头顶墙处,正悬着一面「禁止吸烟」的牌子。司华伯是不是指着那面牌子,就向那些工人说:「你们是不是不识字?」不,没有,司华伯绝不会这样做。

他走到那些工人面前,拿出烟盒,给他们每人一只雪茄,并且说道:「嗨,弟兄们,别谢我给你们雪茄,如果你们能到外面吸烟,我就更高兴了。」那些工人们,已知道自己犯了错误--可是他们钦佩司华伯,他不但丝毫没有责备他们,而且还给他们每人一只雪茄当礼物,使工人们觉得高贵。像这样的人,你能不喜欢他吗?

范纳梅克是费城一家很大的百货公司的老板,他也喜欢运用这样的方法。范纳梅克每天去他百货公司一次日至有一次,他看到一位女客人站在柜台外面,等着买东西,可是就没有人去招呼她。

哦,售货员呢?他们都聚到柜台远处一角,在谈着笑着。范纳梅克一声不响,悄悄走去柜台里端,他自己招呼那位女顾客。然后他把成交的货物,交给售货员去包装,而他自己就走开了。

一八八七年三月八日,最善于布道的布道家「皮却」牧师去世了。下一个星期日,爱保德牧师被邀登坛讲道。他相心尽其所能,使这次讲道有完美的表现,所以他事前写了一篇讲道的稿子,准备到时应用。他一再修改、润色,才把那篇稿子完成,然后,读给他太太听。可是这篇讲道的演讲稿并不理想,就像普通演讲稿一样。

如果他太太没有足够的修养和见解,一定会向他这样说:「爱保德,这篇演讲稿糟透了,那绝不能用--如果你这样讲的话,听的人一定会睡去,它读起来就像百科全书一样;你讲道这么多年,应当很明白。老天爷,你为什么不像平常一样讲话,为什么不自然一些?」

她当然可以向她丈夫这样说!如果她这样说,后果又会如何呢?

那位爱保德太太,相信她知道这回事,所以她巧妙的暗示她丈夫,如果把那篇讲道演讲稿拿到北美评论去发表,确实是一篇极好的文章。也就是说,她虽然赞美丈夫的杰作,同时却又向丈夫巧妙的暗示,他这篇演讲稿,并不适合讲道时用。爱保德看出了他妻子的暗示,就把他那篇绞尽脑汁所完成的演讲稿撕碎。他什么也不准备,就去讲道了。

我们要劝阻一件事,永远躲开正面的批评这是必需要记住的。如果有这个必要的话,我们不妨旁敲侧击的去暗示对方。对人正面的批评,那会毁损了他的自重,剥夺了他的自尊。如果你旁敲侧击,对方知道你用心良善,他不但接受,而且还会感激你。

所以要改变人们的意志,而不引起对方的反感,第二项规则是:

间接的指出人们的过错。

标签:人性
1
2011-01-26 09:47 编辑:kuaileyingyu
分享到:
关注海词微博:
发表评论:
表达一些您的想法吧!已有0条评论>>
登录,再发表评论
文明上网,理性发言!
您可能还感兴趣的文章:
>>精华推荐阅读
热门评论文章