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《人性的弱点》第四篇 第1章 如果你必须批评,这是开始的方法

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小编摘要:改变一个人的意志,第一项规则是:用称赞和真诚的欣赏作开始。


A friend of mine was a guest at the White House for aweekend during the administration of Calvin Coolidge.Drifting into the President’s private office, he heardCoolidge say to one of his secretaries, “That’s a prettydress you are wearing this morning, and you are a veryattractive young woman.”

That was probably the most effusive praise Silent Calhad ever bestowed upon a secretary in his life. It was sounusual, so unexpected, that the secretary blushed inconfusion. Then Coolidge said, “Now, don’t get stuckup. I just said that to make you feel good. From now on,I wish you would be a little bit more careful with yourPunctuation.”

His method was probably a bit obvious, but the psychologywas superb. It is always easier to listen to unpleasantthings after we have heard some praise of ourgood points.

A barber lathers a man before he shaves him; and thatis precisely what McKinley did back in 1896, when hewas running for President. One of the prominent Republicansof that day had written a campaign speech that hefelt was just a trifle better than Cicero and Patrick Henryand Daniel Webster all rolled into one. With great glee,this chap read his immortal speech aloud to McKinley.The speech had its fine points, but it just wouldn’t do. Itwould have raised a tornado of criticism. McKinleydidn’t want to hurt the man’s feelings. He must not killthe man’s splendid enthusiasm, and yet he had to say"no." Note how adroitly he did it.

"My friend, that is a splendid speech, a magnificentspeech,” McKinley said. “No one could have prepared abetter one. There are many occasions on which it wouldbe precisely the right thing to say, but is it quite suitableto this particular occasion? Sound and sober as it is fromyour standpoint, I must consider its effect from theparty’s standpoint. Now you go home and write a speechalong the lines I indicate, and send me a copy of it.”

He did just that. McKinley blue-penciled and helpedhim rewrite his second speech, and he became one ofthe effective speakers of the campaign.

Here is the second most famous letter that AbrahamLincoln ever wrote. (His most famous one was written toMrs. Bixby, expressing his sorrow for the death of thefive sons she had lost in battle.) Lincoln probably dashedthis letter off in five minutes; yet it sold at public auctionin 1926 for twelve thousand dollars, and that, by the way, was more money than Lincoln was able to saveduring half a century of hard work. The letter was writtento General Joseph Hooker on April 26, 1863, duringthe darkest period of the Civil War. For eighteenmonths, Lincoln’s generals had been leading the UnionArmy from one tragic defeat to another. Nothing but futile,stupid human butchery. The nation was appalled.Thousands of soldiers had deserted from the army, anden the Republican members of the Senate had revoltedand wanted to force Lincoln out of the White House.“We are now on the brink of destruction,” Lincolnsaid. It appears to me that even the Almighty isagainst us. I can hardly see a ray of hope.” Such was theblack sorrow and chaos out of which this lettercame.

I am printing the letter here because it shows howLincoln tried to change an obstreperous general whenthe very fate of the nation could have depended uponthe general’s action.

This is perhaps the sharpest letter Abe Lincoln wroteafter he became President; yet you will note that hepraised General Hooker before he spoke of his gravefaults.

Yes, they were grave faults, but Lincoln didn’t callthem that. Lincoln was more conservative, more diplomatic.Lincoln wrote: “There are some things in regardto which I am not quite satisfied with you.” Talk abouttact! And diplomacy!

Here is the letter addressed to General Hooker:

I have placed you at the head of the Army of the Potomac.Of course, I have done this upon what appears to me to besufficient reasons, and yet I think it best for you to knowthat there are some things in regard to which I am not quitesatisfied with you.

I believe you to be a brave and skillful soldier, which, ofcourse, I like. I also believe you do not mix politics withyour profession, in which you are right. You have confidencein yourself, which is a valuable if not an indispensablequality.

You are ambitious, which, within reasonable bounds,does good rather than harm, But I think that during GeneralBurnside’s command of the army you have taken counsel ofyour ambition and thwarted him as much as you could, inwhich you did a great wrong to the country and to a mostmeritorious and honorable brother officer.

I have heard, in such a way as to believe it, of your recentlysaying that both the army and the Governmentneeded a dictator. Of course, it was not for this, but in spiteof it, that I have given you command.

Only those generals who gain successes can set up asdictators. What I now ask of you is military success and Iwill risk the dictatorship.

The Government will support you to the utmost of itsability, which is neither more nor less than it has done andwill do for all commanders. I much fear that the spirit whichyou have aided to infuse into the army, of criticizing theircommander and withholding confidence from him, willnow turn upon you. I shall assist you, as far as I can, to putit down.

Neither you nor Napoleon, if he were alive again, couldget any good out of an army while such spirit prevails in it,and now beware of rashness. Beware of rashness, but withenergy and sleepless vigilance go forward and give us victories.

You are not a Coolidge, a McKinley or a Lincoln. Youwant to know whether this philosophy will operate foryou in everyday business contacts. Will it? Let’s see.Let’s take the case of W. P. Gaw of the Wark Company,Philadelphia.

The Wark Company had contracted to build and completea large office building in Philadelphia by a certainspecified date. Everything was going along well; thebuilding was almost finished, when suddenly the sub-contractormaking the ornamental bronze work to go onthe exterior of this building declared that he couldn’tmake delivery on schedule. What! An entire buildingheld up! Heavy penalties! Distressing losses! All becauseof one man!

Long-distance telephone calls. Arguments! Heated

conversations! All in vain. Then Mr. Gaw was sent toNew York to beard the bronze lion in his den.

“Do you know you are the only person in Brooklynwith your name,?" Mr Gaw asked the president of thesubcontracting firm shortly after they were introduced.The president was surprised. “No, I didn’t knowthat.”

“Well,” said Mr. Gaw, “when I got off the train thismorning, I looked in the telephone book to get youraddress, and you’re the only person in the Brooklynphone book with your name.”

“I never knew that,” the subcontractor said. Hechecked the phone book with interest. “Well, it’s an unusualname,” he said proudly. "My family came fromHolland and settled in New York almost two hundredyears ago. " He continued to talk about his family and hisancestors for several minutes. When he finished that,Mr. Gaw complimented him on how large a plant he hadand compared it favorably with a number of similarplants he had visited. “It is one of the cleanest and neatestbronze factories I ever saw,” said Gaw.

“I’ve spent a lifetime building up this business,” thesubcontractor said, “and I am rather proud of it. Wouldyou like to take a look around the factory?”

During this tour of inspection, Mr. Gaw complimentedthe other man on his system of fabrication andtold him how and why it seemed superior to those ofsome of his competitors. Gaw commented on some unusualmachines, and the subcontractor announced thathe himself had invented those machines. He spent considerabletime showing Gaw how they operated and thesuperior work they turned out. He insisted on taking hisvisitor to lunch. So far, mind you, not a word had beensaid about the real purpose of Gaw’s visit.

After lunch, the subcontractor said, “Now, to get downto business. Naturally, I know why you’re here. I didn’texpect that our meeting would be so enjoyable. You cango back to Philadelphia with my promise that your materialwill be fabricated and shipped, even if other ordershave to be delayed.”

Mr. Gaw got everything that he wanted without evenasking for it. The material arrived on time, and the buildingwas completed on the day the completion contractspecified.

Would this have happened had Mr. Gaw used thehammer-and-dynamite method generally employed onsuch occasions?

Dorothy Wrublewski, a branch manager of the FortMonmouth, New Jersey, Federal Credit Union, reportedto one of our classes how she was able to help one of heremployees become more productive.

“We recently hired a young lady as a teller trainee.Her contact with our customers was very good. She wasaccurate and efficient in handling individual transactions.The problem developed at the end of the daywhen it was time to balance out.

“The head teller came to me and strongly suggestedthat I fire this woman. ‘She is holding up everyone elsebecause she is so slow in balancing out. I’ve shown herover and over, but she can’t get it. She’s got to go.’

“The next day I observed her working quickly andaccurately when handling the normal everyday transactions,and she was very pleasant with our customers.

“It didn’t take long to discover why she had troublebalancing out. After the office closed, I went over to talkwith her. She was obviously nervous and upset. Ipraised her for being so friendly and outgoing with thecustomers and complimented her for the accuracy andspeed used in that work. I then suggested we review theprocedure we use in balancing the cash drawer. Onceshe realized I had confidence in her, she easily followedmy suggestions and soon mastered this function. Wehave had no problems with her since then.”

Beginning with praise is like the dentist who beginshis work with Novocain. The patient still gets a drilling,but the Novocain is pain-killing. A leader will use . . .

PRINCIPLE 1 Begin with praise and honest appreciation.



柯立芝总统执政时,我朋友在一次周末,应邀到白宫作客。当他走进总统私人办公室时,正好听到柯立芝在向他的一位女秘书说:「妳今天穿的衣服很漂亮,真是位年轻漂亮的女孩子。」

平常沈默寡言的柯立芝总统,一生很少赞美过别人这次却对他女秘书说出那样的话来,那位女秘书脸上顿时涌现出一层鲜艳的红晕。总统接着又说:「别难为情,我刚才的话,是为使妳感到高兴;从现在起,我希望妳对公文的标点上,要稍微注意一点。」

他对那位女秘书的方法,虽然稍嫌明显了些,可是所用的心理学却是很巧妙。当我们听到别人对我们的称赞后,如果再听到其它不愉快的话,就比较容易接受了。

理发师替人修面时,先敷上一层肥皂水--麦金利在一八五六年竞选总统时所采用的方法,就运用了这项原理。

共和党一位重要党员,绞尽脑汁,撰写了一篇演讲稿,他觉得自己写得非常成功。他很高兴的在麦金利面前,先把这篇演讲稿朗诵了一遍--他认为这是他的不朽之作这篇演讲稿虽然有可取之点,但并不尽善尽美,麦金利听后感到并不合适,如果发表出去,可能会引起一场批评的风波。麦金利不愿辜负他的一番热忱,可是,他又不能不说这个「不」字现在,看他如何应付这个场面。

麦金利这样说:「我的朋友这真是一篇少有见到,精彩绝伦的演讲稿,我相信再也不会有人比你写得更好了。就许多场合来讲,这确实是一篇非常适用的演讲稿,可是,如果在某种特殊的场合,是不是也很适用呢?

从你的立场来讲,那是非常合适、慎重的;可是我必需从党的立场,来考虑这份演讲稿发表所产生的影响。现在你回家去,按照我所特别提出的那几点,再撰写一篇,并送一份给我。」

他果然那样做了,麦金利用蓝笔把他的第二次草稿再加以修改,结果那位党员在那次竞选活动中,成为最有力的助选员。

这里是林肯所写的第二封最著名的信件。一林肯第一封最著名的信件,是写给毕克斯贝夫人的,为她五个儿子牺牲在战场而表示哀悼。一林肯写那封信,可能只花了五分钟时间。可是,那封信在一九二六年公开拍卖时,售价高达一万二千元这个数目比林肯五十年所能积蓄的钱还多。

这封信,是林肯在一八六三年四月二十六日,内战最黑暗的期间所写的。那时已是第十八个月了--林肯的将领们,带着联军屡遭惨败,一切都只是无用的、愚蠢的人类大屠杀。那时人心惶惶,全国哗然震惊,数以千计的士兵,临阵脱逃,甚至参议院里共和党议员,也起了内讧叛乱。更令人注意的是,他们要强迫林肯离开白宫。

林肯这样说:「我们现在已走到毁灭的边缘--我似乎感觉到上帝也在反对我们,我看

不到一丝希望的曙光。」这封信就是在如此黑暗、混乱的时期写出来的。

我摘录出这封信的主要目的,是为了说出林肯如何设法改变一位固执的将领,原因是全国成败的命运,就依赖在这将领的身上。

这该是林肯任职总统后,写信措辞最锐利而不客气的一封信。但你仍可注意到,林肯在指出他严重的错误前,先称赞了这位霍格将军。

是的,那些是他严重的错误,可是林肯并不作那样的措辞。林肯落笔稳健,具有保守和外交的手腕,他是这样写的:「有些事,我对你并不十分满意。」他用机智的手腕,加上外交的词汇。

这里就是写给霍格将军的信:

「我已任命你作包脱麦克军队的司令官,当然,我这样做是根据我所有的充份的理由。可是我希望你也知道,有些事,我对你并不十分满意。我相信你是一个睿智善战的军人,当然,这点是我所感到欣慰的。同时我也相信,你不至于把政治和你的职守,掺混在一起,这方面你是对的。你对你自己有坚强的信心--那是一种有价值、可贵的美德。

你很有野心,那在某种范围内,是有益而无害的。可是在波恩雪特将军带领军队的时候,你放纵你的野心行事,而加以阻挠他。在这一件事上,你对你的国家,对一位极有功勋而光荣的同僚军官,犯下一桩极大的错误。

我曾经听说,并且听得使我相信,你说军队和政府需要一位独裁的领袖。当然,我给你军队指挥权,并非是出于这个原因。同时,我也没有想到那些。

只有战争中获得胜利的将领,才有当独裁者的资格。目前,我对你的期望,是军事上的胜利。到时,我会冒着危险,授予你独裁权。

政府将会尽其所能赞助你,就像赞助其它将领一样。我深恐你灌输于军队和长官,那种不信任上司的思想,会落到你自己的身上所以我愿意竭力帮助你,平息你这种危险的思想。

军队中如果有这种思想存在,即使是拿破仑还活在这世界上,他能从军队中得到些什么?现在切莫轻率推进,也不要过于匆忙,需要小心谨慎,不眠不休去争取我们的胜利。」

你不是柯立芝,不是麦金利,更不是林肯,你想知道这种哲理在日常商业上,对你真的有用吗?我们现在以费城华克公司卡伍先生为例。卡伍先生就像你我一样普通的人,他是我在费城所举办的一个讲习班里的学员。这是他在讲习班里演讲过的一个故事。

华克公司在费城,承包建筑一座办公大厦,而且指定在某一天必需竣工完成。这项工程,每一件事进行得都非常顺利,眼看这座建筑物就快要完成了。突然,承包外面铜工装饰的商人,说他不能如期交货。什么!整个建筑工事都要停顿下来!不能如期完工,就要交付巨额的罚款!惨重的损失--仅仅是为了那个承包铜工装饰的商人。

长途电话,激烈的争辩,都没有半点用处,于是卡伍被派往纽约,找那个人当面交涉。

卡伍走进这位经理的办公室,第一句话就这样说:「你该知道,你的姓名在勃洛克林市中,是绝无仅有的?」这位经理听到这话,感到惊讶、意外,他摇摇头说:「不,我不知道。」

卡伍说:「今晨我下了火车,查电话簿找你的地址,发现勃洛克林市里,只有你一个人叫这个名字。」

那经理说:「我从来没有注意过。」于是他很感兴趣的把电话簿拿来查看,果然一点也不错,真有这回事。那经理很自傲的说:「是的,这是个不常见到的姓名,我的祖先原籍是荷兰,搬来纽约已有两百年了。」接着就谈论他的祖先和家世的情形。

卡伍见他把这件事谈完了,又找了个话题,赞美他拥有这样一家规模庞大的工厂。卡伍说:这是我所见过的铜器工厂中最整洁、完善的一家。」

那经理说:「是的,我花去一生的精力经营这家工厂,我很引以为荣,你愿意参观我的工厂?」

参观的时候,卡伍连连盛赞这工厂的组织系统,且指出那一方面要比别家工厂优良,同时也赞许几种特殊的机器。这位经理告诉卡伍,那几项机器是他自己发明的。他花了很长的时间,说明这类机器的使用方法,和它的特殊功能。他坚持请卡伍一起午餐!这一点你必需记住,直到现在,卡伍对于他这次的来意还只字未提。

午餐后,那位经理说:「现在,言归正传。当然,我知道你来这里的目的。可是想不到,我们见面后,会谈得这样的愉快」他脸上带着笑容,接着说:「你可以先回费城,我保证你的定货,会准时运送到你们那里,即使牺牲了别家生意,我也愿意的。」

卡伍并没有任何的要求,可是他的目的都很顺利的达到了。那些材料,全部如期运到,而那座建筑也没有受到任何的影响而如期完成。现在话又说回来如果卡伍当时用了激烈争辩的方法,会不会有这样满意的结果?所以,不使对方难堪、反感,而改变一个人的意志,第一项规则是:

用称赞和真诚的欣赏作开始。

标签:人性
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2011-01-26 09:39 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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