《人性的弱点》第2篇 第2章 如何给人留下好印象
At a dinner party in New York, one of the guests, awoman who had inherited money, was eager to makea pleasing impression on everyone. She had squandereda modest fortune on sables, diamonds and pearls. Butshe hadn’t done anything whatever about her face. Itradiated sourness and selfishness. She didn’t realizewhat everyone knows: namely, that the expression onewears on one’s face is far more important than theclothes one wears on one’s back.
Charles Schwab told me his smile had been worth amillion dollars. And he was probably understating thetruth. For Schwab’s personality, his charm, his ability tomake people like him, were almost wholly responsiblefor his extraordinary success; and one of the most delightfulfactors in his personality was his captivatingsmile.
Actions speak louder than words, and a smile says, “Ilike you, You make me happy. I am glad to see you.”That is why dogs make such a hit. They are so glad to
see us that they almost jump out of their skins. So, naturally,we are glad to see them.
A baby’s smile has the same effect.
Have you ever been in a doctor’s waiting room andlooked around at all the glum faces waiting impatientlyto be seen? Dr, Stephen K. Sproul, a veterinarian in Raytown,Missouri, told of a typical spring day when hiswaiting room was full of clients waiting to have theirpets inoculated. No one was talking to anyone else, andall were probably thinking of a dozen other things theywould rather be doing than “wasting time” sitting in thatoffice. He told one of our classes: “There were six orseven clients waiting when a young woman came inwith a nine-month-old baby and a kitten. As luck wouldhave it, she sat down next to a gentleman who was morethan a little distraught about the long wait for service.The next thing he knew, the baby just looked up at himwith that great big smile that is so characteristic of babies.What did that gentleman do? Just what you and Iwould do, of course; he-smiled back at the baby. Soonhe struck up a conversation with the woman about herbaby and his grandchildren, and soon the entire receptionroom joined in, and the boredom and tension wereconverted into a pleasant and enjoyable experience.”
An insincere grin? No. That doesn’t fool anybody. Weknow it is mechanical and we resent it. I am talkingabout a real smile, a heartwarming smile, a smile thatcomes from within, the kind of smile that will bring agood price in the marketplace.
Professor James V. McConnell, a psychologist at theUniversity of Michigan, expressed his feelings about asmile. “People who smile,” he said, “tend to manageteach and sell more effectively, and to raise happierchildren. There’s far more information in a smile than afrown. That’s why encouragement is a much more effectiveteaching device than punishment.”
The employment manager of a large New York departmentstore told me she would rather hire a sales clerkwho hadn’t finished grade school, if he or she has apleasant smile, than to hire a doctor of philosophy witha somber face.
The effect of a smile is powerful - even when it isunseen. Telephone companies throughout the UnitedStates have a program called “phone power” which isoffered to employees who use the telephone for sellingtheir services or products. In this program they suggestthat you smile when talking on the phone. Your “smile”comes through in your voice.
Robert Cryer, manager of a computer department for aCincinnati, Ohio, company, told how he had successfullyfound the right applicant for a hard-to-fill position:
“I was desperately trying to recruit a Ph.D. in computerscience for my department. I finally located ayoung man with ideal qualifications who was about tobe graduated from Purdue University. After severalphone conversations I learned that he had several offersfrom other companies, many of them larger and betterknown than mine. I was delighted when he accepted myoffer. After he started on the job, I asked him why hehad chosen us over the others. He paused for a momentand then he said: ‘I think it was because managers in theother companies spoke on the phone in a cold, business-likemanner, which made me feel like just another businesstransaction, Your voice sounded as if you were gladto hear from me . . . that you really wanted me to be partof your organization. ’ You can be assured, I am still answeringmy phone with a smile.”
The chairman of the board of directors of one of thelargest rubber companies ‘in the United States told methat, according to his observations, people rarely succeedat anything unless they have fun doing it. Thisindustrial leader doesn’t put much faith in the old adagethat hard work alone is the magic key that will unlockthe door to our desires, “I have known people,” he said,“who succeeded because they had a rip-roaring goodtime conducting their business. Later, I saw those peoplechange as the fun became work. The business hadgrown dull, They lost all joy in it, and they failed.”
You must have a good time meeting people if you expectthem to have a good time meeting you.
I have asked thousands of business people to smile at someone every hour of the day for a week and then cometo class and talk about the results. How did it work?Let’s see. . . Here is a letter from William B. Steinhardt,a New York stockbroker. His case isn’t isolated. In fact,it is typical of hundreds of cases.
“1 have been married for over eighteen years,” wroteMr. Steinhardt, “and in all that time I seldom smiled atmy wife or spoke two dozen words to her from the timeI got up until I was ready to leave for business. I wasone of the worst grouches who ever walked down Broadway.
“When you asked me to make a talk about my experiencewith smiles, I thought I would try it for a week. Sothe next morning, while combing my hair, I looked atmy glum mug in the mirror and said to myself, ‘Bill, youare going to wipe the scowl off that sour puss of yourstoday. You are going to smile. And you are going to beginright now.’ As I sat down to breakfast, I greeted my wifewith a ‘Good morning, my dear,’ and smiled as I saidit.
“You warned me that she might be surprised. Well,you underestimated her reaction. She was bewildered.She was shocked. I told her that in the future she couldexpect this as a regular occurrence, and I kept it up everymorning.
“This changed attitude of mine brought more happinessinto our home in the two months since I startedthan there was during the last year.
“As I leave for my office, I greet the elevator operatorin the apartment house with a ‘Good morning’ and asmile, I greet the doorman with a smile. I smile at thecashier in the subway booth when I ask for change. As Istand on the floor of the Stock Exchange, I smile at peoplewho until recently never saw me smile.
“I soon found that everybody was smiling back at me,I treat those who come to me with complaints or grievancesin a cheerful manner, I smile as I listen to themand I find that adjustments are accomplished much easier.I find that smiles are bringing me dollars, many dollarsevery day.
“I share my office with another broker. One of hisclerks is a likable young chap, and I was so elated aboutthe results I was getting that I told him recently aboutmy new philosophy of human relations. He then confessedthat when I first came to share my office with hisfirm he thought me a terrible grouch - and only recentlychanged his mind. He said I was really human when Ismiled.
“I have also eliminated criticism from my system. Igive appreciation and praise now instead of condemnation.I have stopped talking about what I want. I am nowtrying to see the other person’s viewpoint. And thesethings have literally revolutionized my life. I am a totallydifferent man, a happier man, a richer man, richer infriendships and happiness - the only things that mattermuch after all.”
You don’t feel like smiling? Then what? Two things.First, force yourself to smile. If you are alone, force yourselfto whistle or hum a tune or sing. Act as if you werealready happy, and that will tend to make you happy.Here is the way the psychologist and philosopher WilliamJames put it:
“Action seems to follow feeling, but really action andfeeling go together; and by regulating the action, whichis under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectlyregulate the feeling, which is not.
“Thus the sovereign voluntary path to cheerfulness, ifour cheerfulness be lost, is to sit up cheerfully and to actand speak as if cheerfulness were already there. . . .”
Every body in the world is seeking happiness - andthere is one sure way to find it. That is by controllingyour thoughts. Happiness doesn’t depend on outwardconditions. It depends on inner conditions.
It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you areor what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy.It is what you think about it. For example, two peoplemay be in the same place, doing the same thing; bothmay have about an equal amount of money and prestige- and yet one may be miserable and the other happy.Why? Because of a different mental attitude. I have seen
just as many happy faces among the poor peasants toilingwith their primitive tools in the devastating heat of thetropics as I have seen in air-conditioned offices in NewYork, Chicago or Los Angeles.
“There is nothing either good or bad,” said Shakespeare,“but thinking makes it so.”
Abe Lincoln once remarked that “most folks are aboutas happy as they make up their minds to be.” He wasright. I saw a vivid illustration of that truth as I waswalking up the stairs of the Long Island Railroad stationin New York. Directly in front of me thirty or forty crippledboys on canes and crutches were struggling up thestairs. One boy had to be carried up. I was astonished attheir laughter and gaiety. I spoke about it to one of.themen in charge of the boys. “Oh, yes,” he said, “when aboy realizes that he is going to be a cripple for life, he isshocked at first; but after he gets over the shock, he usuallyresigns himself to his fate and then becomes ashappy as normal boys.”
I felt like taking my hat off to those boys. They taughtme a lesson I hope I shall never forget.
Working all by oneself in a closed-off room in an officenot only is lonely, but it denies one the opportunity ofmaking friends with other employees in the company.Se?ora Maria Gonzalez of Guadalajara, Mexico, hadsuch a job. She envied the shared comradeship of otherpeople in the company as she heard their chatter andlaughter. As she passed them in the hall during the firstweeks of her employment, she shyly looked the otherway.
After a few weeks, she said to herself, “Maria, youcan’t expect those women to come to you. You have togo out and meet them. ” The next time she walked to thewater cooler, she put on her brightest smile and said,“Hi, how are you today” to each of the people she met.The effect was immediate. Smiles and hellos were returned,the hallway seemed brighter, the job friendlier.
Acquaintanceships developed and some ripened intofriendships. Her job and her life became more pleasantand interesting.
Peruse this bit of sage advice from the essayist andpublisher Elbert Hubbard - but remember, perusing itwon’t do you any good unless you apply it:
Whenever you go out-of-doors, draw the chin in, carry thecrown of the head high, and fill the lungs to the utmost;drink in the sunshine; greet your friends with a smile, andput soul into every handclasp. Do not fear being misunderstoodand do not waste a minute thinking about your enemies.Try to fix firmly in your mind what you would like todo; and then, without veering off direction, you will movestraight to the goal. Keep your mind on the great and splendidthings you would like to do, and then, as the days gogliding away, you will find yourself unconsciously seizingupon the opportunities that are required for the fulfillmentof your desire, just as the coral insect takes from the runningtide the element it needs. Picture in your mind the able,earnest, useful person you desire to be, and the thought youhold is hourly transforming you into that particular individual.. . . Thought is supreme. Preserve a right mental attitude -the attitude of courage, frankness, and good cheer.To think rightly is to create. All things come through desireand every sincere prayer is answered. We become like thaton which our hearts are fixed. Carry your chin in and thecrown of your head high. We are gods in the chrysalis.
The ancient Chinese were a wise lot - wise in theways of the world; and they had a proverb that you andI ought to cut out and paste inside our hats. It goes likethis: “A man without a smiling face must not open ashop.”
Your smile is a messenger of your good will. Yoursmile brightens the lives of all who see it. To someonewho has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn theirfaces away, your smile is like the sun breaking throughthe clouds. Especially when that someone is under pressurefrom his bosses, his customers, his teachers or parentsor children, a smile can help him realize that all isnot hopeless - that there is joy in the world.
Some years ago, a department store in New York City,in recognition of the pressures its sales clerks wereunder during the Christmas rush, presented the readersof its advertisements with the following homely philosophy:
THE VALUE OF A SMILE ATCHRISTMAS
It costs nothing, but creates much.It enriches those who receive, without impoverishing those who give.It happens in a flash and the memory of it sometimes lastsforever,None are so rich they can get along without it, and none sopoor but are richer for its benefits.It creates happiness in the home, fosters good will in abusiness, and is the countersign of friends.It is rest to the weary, daylight to the discouraged, sunshineto the sad, and Nature’s best antidote fee trouble.Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed, or stolen, for itis something that is no earthly good to anybody till it isgiven away.And if in the last-minute rush of Christmas buying some ofour salespeople should be too tired to give you a smile,may we ask you to leave one of yours?For nobody needs a smile so much as those who have noneleft to give!
PRINCIPLE 2 Smile.
2011-01-12 15:33 编辑：kuaileyingyu