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《人性的弱点》第二篇第1章 如果这样做,你将到处受欢迎

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  为什么要看这本书来学习如何获得朋友?为什么不向世界上最善于交友的动物,学习这个技巧呢?他是谁?你明天走到街上,就可以看到他。当你走近离他十呎左右时,他会摇动他的尾巴。如果你停住脚,轻轻拍拍他,他会高兴得跳了起来,并且对你表示,他是如何的喜欢你。而且你也知道,在他这样亲密的表示后,并没有其它的企图、打算他不是想卖给你一块地皮,他更不是打算要跟你结婚。
Why read this book to find out how to win friends? Whynot study the technique of the greatest winner of friendsthe world has ever known? Who is he? You may meethim tomorrow coming down the street. When you getwithin ten feet of him, he will begin to wag his tail. Ifyou stop and pat him, he will almost jump out of his skinto show you how much he likes you. And you know thatbehind this show of affection on his part, there are noulterior motives: he doesn’t want to sell you any realestate, and he doesn’t want to marry you.
  你有没有想过狗是唯一不需要为自己生活工作的动物?母鸡要生蛋………母牛需要付出牠的奶水………金丝雀要唱歌。可是一头狗不需要付出任何来维持牠的生活,牠所有的只是「爱」。
  Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only animalthat doesn’t have to work for a living? A hen has to layeggs, a cow has to give milk, and a canary has to sing.But a dog makes his living by giving you nothing butlove.
  在我五岁的时候,我父亲花了五毛钱,替我买了一头黄毛小狗。牠替我带来了童年的光亮和欢乐。每天下午四点半左右,牠坐在庭院前,用牠那对美丽的眼睛,睁睁的望着前面那条小路,当牠听到我的声音,或看到我转着饭盒经过那矮树林时,就像一支箭般的快速窜上小山,高兴的跳着、叫着来欢迎我。
  When I was five years old, my father bought a littleyellow-haired pup for fifty cents. He was the light andjoy of my childhood. Every afternoon about four-thirty,he would sit in the front yard with his beautiful eyesstaring steadfastly at the path, and as soon as he heardmy voice or saw me swinging my dinner pail throughthe buck brush, he was off like a shot, racing breathlesslyup the hill to greet me with leaps of joy and barks ofsheer ecstasy.
  迪贝做了我五年的好朋友………在一个我、水远无法忘记的悲惨的晚上,迪贝在离我仅十呎远的地方,被雷电极死了。迪贝的死,是我童年时代的一幕悲剧!
  Tippy was my constant companion for five years. Thenone tragic night - I shall never forget it - he was killedwithin ten feet of my head, killed by lightning. Tippy’sdeath was the tragedy of my boyhood.
  迪贝,你从来没有读过心理学,你也不需要去读。由于你的神智,懂得一个人如果真诚的关心别人,在两个月的时间里所交的朋友,要比让别人对你发生兴趣,在两年的时间里所交的朋友还多。让我再说一遍………如果你时刻关心别人,对别人发生兴趣,在两个月的时间里所交的朋友,要比只想让别人关心你,对你发生兴趣,在两年的时间里所交的朋友还多
  You never read a book on psychology, Tippy. Youdidn’t need to. You knew by some divine instinct thatyou can make more friends in two months by becominggenuinely interested in other people than you can in twoyears by trying to get other people interested in you. Letme repeat that. You can make more friends in twomonths by becoming interested in other people than youcan in two years by trying to get other people interestedin you.
  然而,你我都知道,有人终身的错误,就是只想别人关心他,对他发生兴趣。
  Yet I know and you know people who blunder throughlife trying to wigwag other people into becoming interestedin them.
  当然,这些都不会有结果的,人们不但对你我不发生兴趣,对任何人也不会发生兴起,他们早晨、中午、晚上所关心的只是他们自己。
Of course, it doesn’t work. People are not interestedin you. They are not interested in me. They are interestedin themselves - morning, noon and after dinner.
  纽约电话公司曾经做过一项调查,研究在电话中,最常用到的是什么宇,这个答案也许你早猜对了,那就是人称代名词中的「「我」」。「我」………,在五百次电话谈话中,曾用了三千九百九十个「我」字。「我」,「我」,「我」………
  The New York Telephone Company made a detailedstudy of telephone conversations to find out which wordis the most frequently used. You have guessed it: it isthe personal pronoun “I.” “I.” I.” It was used 3,900times in 500 telephone conversations. "I.” “I.” “I.” "I.”When you see a group photograph that you are in,whose picture do you look for first?
  当你看到一张有你在内的团体相片时,你先看的是谁?
  If we merely try to impress people and get peopleinterested in us, we will never have many true, sincerefriends. Friends, real friends, are not made that way.
  如果你以为人们都关心你,对你发生兴趣,请你回答这个问题………如果你今晚死了,会有多少人参加你的丧礼?
  Napoleon tried it, and in his last meeting with Josephinehe said: “Josephine, I have been as fortunate asany man ever was on this earth; and yet, at this hour, youare the only person in the world on whom I can rely.”And historians doubt whether he could rely even onher.
  除非你是先关心了别人,不然别人为什么对你发生兴趣、关心你呢?拿出你的笔把下面的话记下来:
  Alfred Adler, the famous Viennese psychologist, wrotea book entitled What Life Should Mean to You. In thatbook he says: “It is the individual who is not interestedin his fellow men who has the greatest difficulties in lifeand provides the greatest injury to others. It is fromamong such individuals that all human failures spring.”
  如果我们只是想使人注意,使人对我们发生兴趣,我们、水远不会有很多真诚的朋友……朋友,真正的朋友,不是那样造成的。
  You may read scores of erudite tomes on psychologywithout coming across a statement more significant foryou and for me. Adler’s statement is so rich with meaningthat I am going to repeat it in italics:
  拿破仑曾经这样尝试过,他和约瑟芬最后一次相聚时,他说:「约瑟芬,我曾经是世界上最幸运的人,然而在这时候,妳是这世界上我唯一信任的人了。」在历史学家的眼光里,拿破仑是否真正信任约瑟芬,还是个疑问呢!
  It is the individual who is not interested in his fellowmen who has the greatest difjculties in life and providesthe greutest injury to others. It is from umong such individualsthat all humun failures spring.
  维也纳」位著名的心理学家「阿得洛」,写过一本书,书名叫「生活对你的意义」。在那本书上,他说:「一个不关心别人,对别人不感兴趣的人,他的生活必遭受重大的阻碍、困难,同时会替别人带来极大的损害、困扰,所有人类的失败,都是由于这些人而才发生的。」
  I once took a course in short-story writing at New YorkUniversity, and during that course the editor of a leadingmagazine talked to our class. He said he could pick upany one of the dozens of stories that drifted across hisdesk every day and after reading a few paragraphs he could feel whether or not the author liked people. “Ifthe author doesn’t like people,” he said, “people won’tlike his or her stories.”
  可能你已阅读过许多深奥的心理书籍,而尚未意识到有这样重要的一句话………我不喜欢再次的重复,可是阿得洛的话太富意义了,所以我再重复的写在下面:
  This hard-boiled editor stopped twice in the course ofhis talk on fiction writing and apologized for preachinga sermon. “I am telling you,” he said, “the same thingsyour preacher would tell you, but remember, you haveto be interested in people if you want to be a successfulwriter of stories.”
  一个不关心别人,对别人不感兴趣的人,他的生活必遭受重大的阻碍、困难,同时会替别人带来极大的损害、困扰,所有人类的失败,都是由于这些人而才发生的。
  If that is true of writing fiction, you can be sure it istrue of dealing with people face-to-face.
  我曾在纽约大学选修短篇小说著述法的课程,这期间,有一位著名杂志的编辑,对我们演讲。他说他每天可以捡起,桌上数十篇小说中的任何」篇,只要看上几段后,就可觉察出作者是否喜欢别人………如果那作者不喜欢别人,那么别人也不会喜欢他的作品。
  I spent an evening in the dressing room ofHowardThurston the last time he appeared onBroadway -Thurston was the acknowledged dean of magicians. For fortyyears he had traveled all over the world, time and again,creating illusions, mystifying audiences, and makingpeople gasp with astonishment. More than 60 millionpeople had paid admission to his show, and he had madealmost $2 million in profit.
  这位饱经世故的编辑,在他演讲过程中,有两次稍顿的停了一下,为他移开主题而道歉。他说:
  I asked Mr. Thurston to tell me the secret of his success.His schooling certainly had nothing to do with it,for he ran away from home as a small boy, became ahobo, rode in boxcars, slept in haystacks, begged hisfood from door to door, and learned to read by lookingout of boxcars at signs along the railway.
  「现在我要告诉你们的,如同你们听牧师讲的一样,可是,别忘记,你如果要做一个成功的小说家,你必须先对别人发生兴趣。」
  Did he have a superior knowledge of magic? No, hetold me hundreds of books had been written about legerdemainand scores of people knew as much about it ashe did. But he had two things that the others didn’t have.First, he had the ability to put his personality across thefootlights. He was a master showman. He knew humannature. Everything he did, every gesture, every intonationof his voice, every lifting of an eyebrow had beencarefully rehearsed in advance, and his actions weretimed to split seconds. But, in addition to that, Thurstonhad a genuine interest in people. He told me that manymagicians would look at the audience and say to themselves,“Well, there is a bunch of suckers out there, abunch of hicks; I’ll fool them all right.” But Thurston’s method was totally different. He told me that every timehe went on stage he said to himself: “I am grateful becausethese people come to see me, They make it possiblefor me to make my living in a very agreeable way.I’m going to give them the very best I possibly can.”
  如果写小说的秘诀是这样,那应用在待人处世」,你可以确定,更应该如此了。
  He declared he never stepped in front of the footlightswithout first saying to himself over and over: “I love myaudience. I love my audience.” Ridiculous? Absurd?You are privileged to think anything you like. Iammerely passing it on to you without comment as a recipeused by one of the most famous magicians of all time.
  塞斯顿是位成功的魔术家,他在百老汇献技时,我去他化妆室拜访过他,我们促膝谈了」个晚上。四十年来塞斯顿走遍世界各地,他惊人的魔术绝技,风靡了无数的观众,约有六千万以上的观众看过他的表演,而使他有二百万元的收入。
  George Dyke of North Warren, Pennsylvania, wasforced to retire from his service station business afterthirty years when a new highway was constructed overthe site of his station. It wasn’t long before the idle daysof retirement began to bore him, so he started filling inhis time trying to play music on his old fiddle. Soon hewas traveling the area to listen to music and talk withmany of the accomplished fiddlers. In his humble andfriendly way he became generally interested in learningthe background and interests of every musician he met.Although he was not a great fiddler himself, he mademany friends in this pursuit. He attended competitionsand soon became known to the country music fans in theeastern part of the United States as “Uncle George, theFiddle Scraper from Kinzua County.” When we heardUncle George, he was seventy-two and enjoying everyminute of his life. By having a sustained interest in otherpeople, he created a new life for himself at a time whenmost people consider their productive years over.
  我请塞斯顿先生谈谈他成功的秘诀,他说出片段过去的历史…,…:他的学校教育,跟他眼前的成功完全没有关系,他在幼年就离家出走,成了一个飘泊流浪者,偷乘火车,睡在草堆上过夜,挨家求乞。由车窗观看铁路两旁广告,让他认识了几个字。
  That, too, was one of the secrets of Theodore Roosevelt’sastonishing popularity. Even his servants lovedhim. His valet, James E. Amos, wrote a book about himentitled Theodore Roosevelt, Hero to His Valet. In thatbook Amos relates this illuminating incident:
  他有高人一等的魔术知识?不!这 是他自己对我说的。关于魔术的书,已出版的有数百本之多。目前在魔术方面,有像他这样造诣的,也有数十人。可是他有两件事,是别人所没有的:
  My wife one time asked the President about a bobwhite.She had never seen one and he described it to her fully.Sometime later, the telephone at our cottage rang. [Amosand his wife lived in a little cottage on the Roosevelt estateat Oyster Bay.] My wife answered it and it was Mr. Roosevelthimself. He had called her, he said, to tell her that there was a bobwhite outside her window and that if she wouldlook out she might see it. Little things like that were socharacteristic of him. Whenever he went by our cottage,even though we were out of sight, we would hear him callout: “Oo-oo-oo, Annie?” or “Oo-oo-oo, James!” It was just afriendly greeting as he went by.
  他有表演的人格,他懂得人情。他每一个动作姿态,说话的声调,都经过事前严格的预习,他举止敏捷,反应灵活,分秒不差。
  How could employees keep from liking a man likethat? How could anyone keep from liking him?Roosevelt called at the White House one day whenthe President and Mrs. Taft were away. His honest likingfor humble people was shown by the fact that hegreeted all the old White House servants by name, eventhe scullery maids.
  除此以外,塞斯顿对人有纯厚的兴趣,他告诉我,许多魔术家,看着观众而对他自己说:这些傻瓜、乡巴佬,我要好好的骗他们一下。」可是塞斯顿就完全不是那样,他告诉我,每次当他上台时,必先对自己这样说:「我要感谢这些捧场的观众,他们使我获得舒服的生活,我要付出最大的力量,做好这场表演。」
  “When he saw Alice, the kitchen maid,” writes ArchieButt, “he asked her if she still made corn bread. Alicetold him that she sometimes made it for the servants, butno one ate it upstairs.
  他说,每逢他走向台前时,就会对自己这样的说:「我爱我的观众,我爱我的观众。」可笑吗?不近情理吗?你可以随你的意思去想,我只是把这位最著名魔术家,处世为人的技
  "‘They show bad taste,’ Roosevelt boomed, ‘and I’lltell the President so when I see him.’
  巧,不加评论的提供给你参考。
  “Alice brought a piece to him on a plate, and he wentover to the office eating it as he went and greeting gardenersand laborers as he passed. . .
  苏门.亨克夫人告诉我同样的事。她不顾贫困,忍住伤心,她的一生充满了悲剧,有一次,甚至还想抱着她的孩子一起自杀………她虽然遭遇到这样恶劣的环境,可是,她还是把自己所喜爱的歌唱,继续演唱下去,最后成为一位轰动一时的「格纳式的歌唱家。她自己承认,她成功的秘诀,是对「人」深切的发生了兴趣。
  “He addressed each person just as he had addressedthem in the past. Ike Hoover, who had been head usherat the White House for forty years, said with tears in hiseyes: ‘It is the only happy day we had in nearly twoyears, and not one of us would exchange it for a hundred-dollarbill.’ ”
  老罗斯福总统有惊人的成就,受到人们的欢迎,这也是他成功的秘诀之一。连他的仆人们也都敬爱他。他的黑人侍从爱默士,曾写了一本关于他的书,书名是「西道尔.罗斯福
  The same concern for the seemingly unimportant peoplehelped sales representative Edward M. Sykes, Jr., ofChatham, New Jersey, retain an account. “Many yearsago,” he reported, “I called on customers for Johnsonand Johnson in the Massachusetts area. One account wasa drug store in Hingham. Whenever I went into thisstore I would always talk to the soda clerk and salesclerk for a few minutes before talking to the owner toobtain his order. One day I went up to the owner of thestore, and he told me to leave as he was not interested inbuying J&J products anymore because he felt they wereconcentrating their activities on food and discount stores to the detriment of the small drugstore. I left with mytail between my legs and drove around the town for severalhours. Finally, I decided to go back and try at leastto explain our position to the owner of the store.
  恃从心目中的英雄」,在那本书?,爱默士说出一椿感人的故事:
  “When I returned I walked in and as usual said helloto the soda clerk and sales clerk. When I walked up tothe owner, he smiled at me and welcomed me back. Hethen gave me double the usual order, I looked at himwith surprise and asked him what had happened sincemy visit only a few hours earlier. He pointed to theyoung man at the soda fountain and said that after I hadleft, the boy had come over and said that I was one of thefew salespeople that called on the store that even botheredto say hello to him and to the others in the store. Hetold the owner that if any salesperson deserved his business,it was I. The owner agreed and remained a loyalcustomer. I never forgot that to be genuinely interestedin other people is a most important quality for a sales-personto possess - for any person, for that matter.”
  有一次,我妻子问总统,美洲鹑鸟是什么样子?因为她从没有见过鹑鸟,而罗斯福总统不厌其详的告诉了她。过些时候,我家里的电话铃声响了一爱默士和他妻子,住在罗斯福总统牡蛎湾住宅内一所小房子里一,我妻子接了电话;原来是总统亲自打来的。罗斯福总统在电话里告诉她,现在窗外正有一只鹑鸟,如果她向窗外看去,就可以看到了。
  I have discovered from personal experience that onecan win the attention and time and cooperation of eventhe most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interestedin them. Let me illustrate.
  这样关心一桩小事情,正是罗斯福总统的特点之一。无论什么时候,当他经过我们屋子外面………有时并没有看到我们,我们仍可听到「嗨………爱默士!」,「嗨………安妮!」那亲切的呼叫声。
  Years ago I conducted a course in fiction writing at theBrooklyn Institute of Arts and Sciences, and we wantedsuch distinguished and busy authors as Kathleen Norris,Fannie Hurst, Ida Tarbell, Albert Payson Terhune andRupert Hughes to come to Brooklyn and give us thebenefit of their experiences. So we wrote them, sayingwe admired their work and were deeply interested ingetting their advice and learning the secrets of their success.
  像这样一位主人,怎么不使佣人们喜爱?谁能不喜欢他呢?
  Each of these letters was signed by about a hundredand fifty students. We said we realized that these authorswere busy - too busy to prepare a lecture. So we encloseda list of questions for them to answer about themselvesand their methods of work. They liked that. Whowouldn’t like it? So they left their homes and traveled toBrooklyn to give us a helping hand.
  有一天罗斯福进白宫去见塔夫特总统,正值塔夫特总统,和夫人出去外面。老罗斯福是真诚的喜欢那些底下人,他对白宫里所有的旧役佣人,甚至做杂务的女仆,都叫出名字问好。「亚切.白德」曾经有这样一段记述:
  By using the same method, I persuaded Leslie M.Shaw, secretary of the treasury in Theodore Roosevelt’scabinet; George W. Wickersham, attorney general in Taft’s cabinet; William Jennings Bryan; Franklin D.Roosevelt and many other prominent men to come totalk to the students of my courses in public speaking.
  「他看到厨房里女佣人爱丽丝的时候,问她是不是还在做玉蜀乘的面包。爱丽丝告诉他,有时候做那种面包,那是为了佣人们吃的,楼上他们都不吃了。
  All of us, be we workers in a factory, clerks in an officeor even a king upon his throne - all of us like peoplewho admire us. Take the German Kaiser, for example. Atthe close of World War I he was probably the most savagelyand universally despised man on this earth. Evenhis own nation turned against him when he fled overinto Holland to save his neck. The hatred against himwas so intense that millions of people would have lovedto tear him limb from limb or burn him at the stake. Inthe midst of all this forest fire of fury, one little boy wrotethe Kaiser a simple, sincere letter glowing with kindlinessand admiration. This little boy said that no matterwhat the others thought, he would always love Wilhelmas his Emperor. The Kaiser was deeply touched by hisletter and invited the little boy to come to see him. Theboy came, so did his mother - and the Kaiser marriedher. That little boy didn’t need to read a book on how towin friends and influence people. He knew how instinctively.
  罗斯福听了大声说:、那是他们没有口福,我见到总统时,把这件事告诉他。。
  If we want to make friends, let’s put ourselves out todo things for other people - things that require time, energy,unselfishness and thoughtfulness. When the Dukeof Windsor was Prince of Wales, he was scheduled totour South America, and before he started out on thattour he spent months studying Spanish so that he couldmake public talks in the language of the country; andthe South Americans loved him for it.
  爱丽丝拿了一块玉蜀季面包给罗斯福;他边走边吃的走向办公室,经过园丁、工友旁边,向他们每一位招呼………」
  For years I made it a point to find out the birthdays ofmy friends. How? Although I haven’t the foggiest bit offaith in astrology, I began by asking the other partywhether he believed the date of one’s birth has anythingto do with character and disposition. I then asked him orher to tell me the month and day of birth. If he or shesaid November 24, for example, I kept repeating to myself,“November 24, November 24.” The minute myfriend’s back was turned, I wrote down the name andbirthday and later would transfer it to a birthday book.At the beginning of each year, I had these birthday datesscheduled in my calendar pad so that they came to myattention automatically. When the natal day arrived,there was my letter or telegram. What a hit it made! I was frequently the only person on earth who remembered.
  罗斯福和他们每一位亲切的招呼谈话,就像他做总统时一样………有个老佣人,眼里含着泪水说:这是我这几年来最快乐的一天,在我们中间,就是有人拿了一百块钱来,我也不会换的。」
  If we want to make friends, let’s greet people withanimation and enthusiasm. When somebody calls you onthe telephone use the same psychology. Say “Hello” intones that bespeak how pleased YOU are to have the personcall. Many companies train their telephone operatarsto greet all callers in a tone of voice that radiatesinterest and enthusiasm. The caller feels the company isconcerned about them. Let’s remember that when weanswer the telephone tomorrow.
  哈佛大学校长依利亚博士,对别人的问题,有深刻的关心和兴趣,所以他会受到学校里每一个师生所爱戴。这里是依利亚博士处世待人的一个例子:
  Showing a genuine interest in others not only winsfriends for you, but may develop in its customers a loyaltyto your company. In an issue of the publication ofthe National Bank of North America of New York, thefollowing letter from Madeline Rosedale, a depositor,was published: *
  有一天,有个大学一年级学生「克列顿」,到校长室惜用「清寒学生贷款」五十元。后来那个克列顿这样说:
  * Eagle, publication of the Natirmal Bank of North America, h-ew York,March 31, 1978.
  「我拿到钱后,心里非常感激,正要走出办公室时,依利亚校长把我叫住,说:「你请坐一会儿………听说你在宿舍?亲手做饭吃,如果你吃得适宜、充足,我并不以为那对你有不好的地方,我过去在大学时,也这样做过………。我听来感到很意外,他接着又说:、你有没有做过肉饼,如果把它弄得又烂又熟的话,那是一道很可口的菜,过去我就喜欢吃这个菜。。他并详详细细的说出肉饼的做法。」
  “I would like you to know how much I appreciateyour staff. Everyone is so courteous, polite and helpful.What a pleasure it is, after waiting on a long line, to havethe teller greet you pleasantly.
  这是由我自己的经验所发觉到的如果我们真诚的关心别人,能够获得美国最忙的人的注意和合作!让我举出这样一个例子来:
  “Last year my mother was hospitalized for fivemonths. Frequently I went to Marie Petrucello, a teller.She was concerned about my mother and inquired abouther progress.”
  数年前,我曾在白洛克林兹术科学研究院,举办一种小说著述的课程,我们希望当时名作家诺里斯、赫司德、塔勃尔、许士等来我们班上,讲述他们写作的经验。于是我们写给他们每人一封信,说我们非常欣赏他们的作品,所以希望他们能抽出一些时闻,来我们班上一次,讲些有关他们的写作经验和成功的秘诀。
  Is there any doubt that Mrs. Rosedale will continue touse this bank?
  每封信上,有一百五十名学生的签名。在信上我们还这样说………我们知道他们一定很忙,没有演讲的时间,所以我们在每封信里,附上一张请求有所解释的问题表,请他们填下自己写作的方法等项后,把这张表寄下给我们。他们很喜欢这样的一封信。所以他们都老远从家中,赶来白洛克林,帮助我们解决这个问题。
  Charles R. Walters, of one of the large banks in NewYork City, was assigned to prepare a confidential reporton a certain corporation. He knew of only one personwho possessed the facts he needed so urgently. As Mr.Walters was ushered into the president’s office, a youngwoman stuck her head through a door and told the presidentthat she didn’t have any stamps for him that day.
  我们运用同样的办法,曾请到老罗斯福总统任上的财政部长,塔夫特总统任上的司法首长,和其它很多名人来我演讲班中演讲。
  "I am collecting stamps for my twelve-year-old son,”the president explained to Mr. Walters.
  所有的人,不管他是屠夫,烤面包的,或者是宝座上的国王,都喜欢尊敬他的人。德皇威廉就有这样一个例子。第一次世界大战结束后,全球的人无不指认威廉是大战的祸首,他逃亡荷兰后,连德国人也不愿理他。憎恨他的人,何止千百万,甚至有人要把他抓来碎尸万段。
  Mr. Walters stated his mission and began asking questions.
  在这股怒火燎原的公愤中,有一个小男孩,写了一封简单诚恳,充满了诚挚和钦佩的情,寄给德皇威廉。德皇看了这封信后,受到极大的感动,就邀请这小男孩去见他。这小男孩真的来了,是他母亲陪同一起来的。后来德皇和孩子的母亲给了婚。这小男孩不需要看如何交友,和如何影响他人这类的书,他天性就已知道如何做了。
The president was vague, general, nebulous. Hedidn’t want to talk, and apparently nothing could persuadehim to talk. The interview was brief and barren.
  假如我们想交朋友,应该先出来替别人做些事--需要时间、精力、公义、体恤的事。当爱德华公爵是皇储的时候,他有周游南美洲的计划,在他尚未出发之前,费了一段时间,去研究西班牙语言,为的是可以直接和南美各国人士谈话……所以他到了南美洲后,受到那里人们的特别欢迎。
  “Frankly, I didn’t know what to do,” Mr. Walters saidas he related the story to the class. “Then I rememberedwhat his secretary had said to him - stamps, twelve-year-old son. . . And I also recalled that the foreign departmentof our bank collected stamps - stamps takenfrom letters pouring in from every continent washed bythe seven seas.
  这些年来,我认真的打听朋友的生日………这件事是如何进行的呢?我当然是不会相信「星相学」上那类的见解,可是我见了朋友,就问他们是否相信人的生日,跟每个人的性格、个性有关?然后我请他告诉我,他的出生年月日。如果他说生在十一月二十四日,我自己就牢牢的把这日子记住。待他一转身时,我悄悄把姓名、生日记下,回家后,再写在一本「生辰簿」上。
  “The next afternoon I called on this man and sent inword that I had some stamps for his boy. Was I usheredin with enthusiasm? Yes sir, He couldn’t have shakenmy hand with more enthusiasm if he had been runningfor Congress. He radiated smiles and good will. ‘MyGeorge will love this one,’ he kept saying as he fondledthe stamps. ‘And look at this! This is a treasure.’
  在每年的年初,我把这些生日,写在我桌上的台历上,到了有人生日那一天,我就发给他一封贺函,或是贺电。当那人接到贺函,或是贺电时,他是多幺高兴……:.除了他的亲人以外,我是世界上唯一知道他生日的一个朋友。
  “We spent half an hour talking stamps and looking ata picture of his boy, and he then devoted more than anhour of his time to giving me every bit of information Iwanted - without my even suggesting that he do it. Hetold me all he knew, and then called in his subordinatesand questioned them. He telephoned some of his associates.He loaded me down with facts, figures, reportsand correspondence. In the parlance of newspaper reporters,I had a scoop.”
  如果我们要交朋友,要用我们最热诚的态度去欢迎他们。有人打电话给你,你也应该有那种同样的心情,而以极欢迎的口气,加上一句:「你好!」纽约电话公司举办一个训练班,训练接线生…….:当询问者问「什么号码」时,该再加上一句「我很高兴为你服务」。以后我们接到电话时,也应该记住这个。
  Here is another illustration:
  这种哲学运用在商业上有效吗?我可以举出很多例子来,可是不愿意太费时间,只举两个例子来………
  C. M. Knaphle, Jr., of Philadelphia had tried for yearsto sell fuel to a large chain-store organization. But thechain-store company continued to purchase its fuel froman out-of-town dealer and haul it right past the door ofKnaphle’s office. Mr, Knaphle made a speech one nightbefore one of my classes, pouring out his hot wrathupon chain stores, branding them as a curse to thenation.
  查尔斯.华特服务在纽约市一家极具声誉的银行里,他被指派调查一家公司业务情况的秘密报告。华特知道有家实业公司的经理,对这情形最清楚,可以提供他所需要的资料,华特就去拜访那位经理。正当华特被引进经理室时,一个年轻女子由门外探头进来,告诉那位经理说,她那天没什么好邮票给他。
  And still he wondered why he couldn’t sell them.
  经理向那女郎点点头后,接着向华特解释的说:「我在替我那十二岁的孩子收集邮票。」
  I suggested that he try different tactics. To put itbriefly, this is what happened. We staged a debate betweenmembers of the course on whether the spread of the chain store is doing the country more harm thangood.
  华特坐下说明他的来意,就即提出他的问题。可是那位经理却是含糊其辞,概括笼统,不搭边际的应付了一阵,很明显的,他是不愿意说。华特用尽了办法,也无法使他多说些,这次谈话简短枯燥,得不到一点要领。
  Knaphle, at my suggestion, took the negative side; heagreed to defend the chain stores, and then went straightto an executive of the chain-store organization that hedespised and said: “I am not here to try to sell fuel. Ihave come to ask you to do me a favor.” He then toldabout his debate and said, “I have come to you for helpbecause I can’t think of anyone else who would be morecapable of giving me the facts I want. I’m anxious to winthis debate, and I’ll deeply appreciate whatever helpyou can give me.”
  华特也是我讲习班里的一个学员,他说:「说实在的,我真不知该怎么办才好………后来,我突然想起他那个女秘书对他说的话,邮票、十二岁的小孩,同时我又想到,我们银行的国外汇兑部,常和世界各地通信,有不少平时少见的外国邮票,现在正可以派到用处。
  Here is the rest of the story in Mr. Knaphle’s ownwords:
  第二天的下午,我再去拜访那位经理,同时传话进去,我有很多邮票,特地带来给他的儿子………你说,我是不是受到热烈的欢迎?那是当然的事,他紧握我的手,脸上满是喜悦的笑容。他看了看邮票,一再的说:「我的乔琪一定喜欢这一张………嗯,这一张更好,那是少有见到的。」
  I had asked this man for precisely one minute of his time.It was with that understanding that he consented to see me.After I had stated my case, he motioned me to a chair andtalked to me for exactly one hour and forty-seven minutes.He called in another executive who had written a book onchain stores. He wrote to the National Chain Store Associationand secured for me a copy of a debate on the subject.He feels that the chain store is rendering a real service tohumanity. He is proud of what he is doing for hundreds ofcommunities. His eyes fairly glowed as he talked, and Imust confess that he opened my eyes to things I had nevereven dreamed of. He changed my whole mental attitude.As I was leaving, he walked with me to the door, put hisarm around my shoulder, wished me well in my debate, andasked me to stop in and see him again and let him knowhow I made out. The last words he said to me were: “Pleasesee me again later in the spring. I should like to place anorder with you for fuel.”
  我们谈了半个小时的邮票,还看他儿子的相片………随后,不需要我再开口了。他费了一个小时以上的时间,提供出各项我所需要的资料。他说完自己所知道的情形后,又把公司里的职员叫来问,接着还打了几个电话问他的朋友………而且还指出那家公司财产状况的各项报告、函件,使我得到一个极大的收获。
  To me that was almost a miracle. Here he was offering tobuy fuel without my even suggesting it. I had made moreheadway in two hours by becoming genuinely interested inhim and his problems than I could have made in ten yearstrying to get him interested in me and my product.
  这是另外一个例子。
  You didn’t discover a new truth, Mr. Knaphle, for along time ago, a hundred years before Christ was borna famous old Roman poet, Publilius Syrus, remarked;“We are interested in others when they are interested in us."
  克纳夫是费城一家煤厂里的推销员,多年来他一直想把厂里的煤,卖给一家联营百货公司,可是那家公司始终不买他的煤,依旧向市郊一家煤洽购买。更使他捺不下这股气的是----每次运送煤时,又正好经过他办公室的门前。克纳夫为了这件事,在讲习班上大发牢骚,痛骂联营百货公司,对国家、社会是有害的。
  A show of interest, as with every other principle ofhuman relations, must be sincere. It must pay off notonly for the person showing the interest, but for the personreceiving the attention. It is a two-way street-bothparties benefit.
  他嘴里这样讲,可是还不甘心………为什么劝不动那家公司买他的煤..
  Martin Ginsberg, who took our Course in Long IslandNew York, reported how the special interest a nurse tookin him profoundly affected his life:
  我劝他尝试另外一种不同的方法,情形就是这样的,我把讲习班里的学员,分成两组,展开了一次辩论会,主题是--「连锁性的百货公司业务发展,对国家害多益少。」
  “It was Thanksgiving Day and I was ten years old. Iwas in a welfare ward of a city hospital and was scheduledto undergo major orthopedic surgery the next day.I knew that I could only look forward to months of confinement,convalescence and pain. My father was dead;my mother and I lived alone in a small apartment andwe were on welfare. My mother was unable to visit methat day.
  依照我的建议,克纳夫参加了反对的那一组,他同意替那家公司辩护。然后,我要他直接去见那个,不买他的煤的那家公司负责人。
  “As the day went on, I became overwhelmed with thefeeling of loneliness, despair and fear. I knew mymother was home alone worrying about me, not havinganyone to be with, not having anyone to eat with and noteven having enough money to afford a ThanksgivingDay dinner.
  克纳夫见到那负责人后,就这样对他说:「我不是来要求你买我的煤,我有一件事想请你帮个忙………」他把来意讲完后,接着说:「因为我找不到,除了你以外,还有谁能提供我这项资料.……….我很想在辩论会中获胜,希望你能提供更多有关方面的资料。」
  “The tears welled up in my eyes, and I stuck my headunder the pillow and pulled the covers over it, I criedsilently, but oh so bitterly, so much that my body rackedwith pain.
  这是克纳夫自己叙述有关当时的情形:
  “A young student nurse heard my sobbing and cameover to me. She took the covers off my face and startedwiping my tears. She told me how lonely she was, havingto work that day and not being able to be with herfamily. She asked me whether I would have dinner withher. She brought two trays of food: sliced turkey, masheda potatoes, cranberry sauce and ice cream for dessert. Shetalked to me and tried to calm my fears. Even thoughshe was scheduled to go off duty at 4 P.M., she stayed onher own time until almost 11 P.M. She played gameswith me, talked to me and stayed with me until I finallyfell asleep.
  我请求那负责人给我一分钟谈话的时间,经过这样传话后,他才答应见我………当我说明来意后,他请我坐下。结果我们谈了一小时又四十七分钟。他打电话给另外一家连锁机构高级职员,那人曾经写过一本有关连锁性百货公司的书。他写信给全国连锁性联营百货公司公会,替我找来不少有关这方面的辩论记录。
  “Many Thanksgivings have come and gone since I
  他觉得他的公司,已做到服务社会的宗旨。他对自己的工作,感到满意而自豪。他谈话的时候,两眼闪耀出热忱的光芒。所以在我来讲,我必需承认开了我的眼界,使我看到我作梦都想象不到的事,使我改变了对他原有的想法。
  was ten, but one never passes without me rememberingthat particular one and my feelings of frustration, fear,loneliness and the warmth and tenderness of thestranger that somehow made it all bearable.”
  我要离开的时候,他亲自送我到门口,一手搭在我肩膀上,预祝我辩论会上获得胜利。
  If you want others to like you, if you want to developreal friendships, if you want to help others at thesame time as you help yourself, keep this principle inmind:
  最后,他对我说:「到春末的时候,你再来看我,我愿意订购你厂?的煤。」
  PRINCIPLE 1 Become genuinely interested in otherpeople.
  这件事对我来讲,不会是桩奇迹,我没有提到,并不央求他,可是他却要买我的煤了。由于我真实的对他,就他的问题发生了兴趣,在这两个小时内所得到的进展,比这十年中所得到的还多。原因是我过去只关心到我自己和我的煤,现在我是关心他和他切身的问题。
  克纳夫所发现的,并不是一项新的真理,远在基督降生的前百年,一位著名的罗马诗人「西罗斯」,就曾经有这样说过:「要别人对我们发生兴趣时,我们先要对别人发生兴趣。」
  所以你要使别人喜欢你,必需遵守的第一条规则是:
  真诚的对别人发生兴趣。
  如果你想开展一种能使人愉快的人格、个性,和在人与人之间的关系中,拥有一项更有效的技能,我希望你去买一本林克博士所着的「归向宗教」。
  你别看了这书名,就心生恐惧或反感,那不是一本说教的书。
  这部书的作者,是一位著名的心理学家,他曾经亲自会见,并加以指导三千多个自认内心苦闷,而请他解答「人格、个性」问题的人。
  林克博士告诉我,他这本书可以更名为「如何发展你的人格」,因为书中内容,就是讨论这问题。我相信你会发现这是一本有趣,简明,新颖的读物
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2011-01-11 10:03 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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