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《人性的弱点》第一篇第3章 左右逢源的方法

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每一年的夏天,我都去梅恩钓鱼。以我自己来说,我喜欢吃杨梅和奶油,可是我看出由于若干特殊的理由,水里的鱼爱吃小虫。所以当我去钓鱼的时候,我不想我所要的,而想牠们所需要的。我不以杨梅,或奶油作引子,钓鱼钩扣上一条小虫或是一只蚱蜢,放下水里,向鱼儿说:「你要吃那个吗?」
I often went fishing up in Maine during the summer.Personally I am very fond of strawberries and cream, butI have found
  你为什么不用同样的常识,去「钓」一个人呢?
that for some strange reason, fish preferworms. So when I went fishing, I didn’t think about whatI wanted. I thought about
  有人问「路依特.乔琪」,如何能在别的战时领袖们都退休不闻事后,他还身居权位?他作这样的回答:如果他官居高位,可以归功于一件事的话,那就是由于他已知道钓鱼时,必需放对了鱼饵的那件事。
what they wanted. I didn’tbait the hook with strawberries and cream. Rather, I dangleda worm or a grasshopper in front of
  为什么我们只谈自己所要的呢?那是孩子气的,不近情理的?当然,你注意你的需要,你永远在注意。但别人对你却漠不关心。要知道,其它的人都像你一样,他们关心的只是他们自己。
the fish and said: “Wouldn’t you like to have that?”
  世界上唯一能影响对方的方法,就是谈论他所要的,而且还告诉他,如何才能得到它.
  Why not use the same common sense when fishing forpeople?
  明天你要别人替你做些什么时,你要把那句话记住!就作这样一个比喻:如果你不愿意你的孩子吸烟,你不需要教训他,只需告诉他,吸烟可能使他不能参加棒球队,或是不能在百码竞赛中获得胜利。
  That is what Lloyd George, Great Britain’s Prime Ministerduring World War I, did. When someone asked himhow he managed
  不论你是应付孩子,或是一头小牛、一只猿猴,这是值得你所注意的一件事。
to stay in power after the other wartimeleaders - Wilson, Orlando and Clemenceau - had beenforgotten, he replied that if his
  例如:有一次,爱默逊和他的儿子,要使一头小牛进入牛棚,他们犯了一般人所有的错误,只想到自己所需要的,没有想到那头小牛身上……爱默逊推,他儿子拉。而那头小牛正跟他们一样,也只想牠自己所想要的,所以挺起牠的腿,坚持拒绝离开那块草地。
staying on top might beattributed to any one thing, it would be to his havinglearned that it was necessary to bait the hook
  旁边那个爱尔兰女佣人,看到他们这情形,她虽然不会写书做文章,可是至少在这次,她懂得牛马牲口官能的感受和习性,她想到这头小牛所需要的是什么。这个女佣人把她的拇指放进小牛的嘴里,让小牛吮吸她的拇指,一面温和的引牠进入牛棚。
to suit thefish .
  从你来到世界上这一天开始,你所有的每一种举动,出发点都是为了你自己,都是因为你需要些什么。
  Why talk about what we want? That is childish. Absurd.Of course, you are interested in what you want.You are eternally
  假如你捐助红十宇会一百元的时候,又怎么样呢?是的,那也不会是例外,你捐给红十字会一百元,是因为你要行一桩善举,因为你要做一件神圣的事……可是,或许是你不好意思拒绝,所以才捐助的。或许因为一位主顾,请你捐款之故。但有一件事是确定的。你捐款,是因为你需要些什么的缘故。
interested in it. But no one else is. Therest of us are just like you: we are interested in what wewant.
  哈雷.欧弗斯屈脱教授,在他一部「影响人类行为」的书中说:「行动是由我们基本欲望所产生的……对于未来想要说服人家的人,最好的建议,是无论在商业中、家庭中、学校中、政治中,都要先激起对方某种迫切的需要,若能做到这点就可左右逢源,否则到处碰壁。」
  So the only way cm earth to influence other people isto talk about what they want and show them how to getit.
「恩地.卡耐基」早年是个贫苦的苏格兰儿童,当时他工作的酬劳,每小时只有两分钱,可是后来布赐给人家的钱,有三亿六千五百万元。他早年就已知道了影响人的唯一方法,就是以对方需要的来讲。他只受过四年的学校教育,可是他学会了如何应付人。
  Remember that tomorrow when you are trying to getsomebody to do something. If, for example, you don’twant your children
  「恩地.卡耐基」有过一椿启发人的事:他嫂嫂为她两个儿子忧急成病,这两个孩子在耶鲁大学念书,可能由于他们自己事情很忙,而把家信给疏忽了,却没有想到家里忧急挂念的母亲。
to smoke, don’t preach at them, anddon’t talk about what you want; but show them that cigarettesmay keep them from making
  「思地.卡耐基」知道这件事后,他给两个侄儿写了封闲谈的信。他在信后附上一句,说是给他们每人寄上五元钞票一张。
the basketball teamor winning the hundred-yard dash.
  可是,他并没有把钱装入信封。
  This is a good thing to remember regardless ofwhether you are dealing with children or calves or chimpanzees.For example:
  很快的回信来了,两个侄儿谢谢他们的叔父,而他们也在信中带上这样一句钱没有收到。
one day Ralph Waldo Emersonand his son tried to get a calf into the barn. But theymade the common mistake of thinking only of
  明天你要劝说某人去做某件事,在你尚未开口前,不妨自己先问:「我如何能使他要做这件事?」
what theywanted: Emerson pushed and his son pulled. But thecalf was doing just what they were doing; he was thinkingonly of
  那问题可以阻止我们,在匆忙不小心之下去见人,和毫无结果的谈论我们的欲望。
what he wanted; so he stiffened his legs andstubbornly refused to leave the pasture. The Irish housemaidsaw their
  我租用纽约一家饭店里的大舞厅,每一季需要二十个晚上,是为举行一项演讲研究会。
predicament. She couldn’t write essaysand books; but, on this occasion at least, she had morehorse sense, or calf sense,
  在有一季开始的时候,我突然接到那家饭店的通知,要我付三倍于过去的租金。可是我接到这项消息时,通告已经公布,入场券已经印发。
than Emerson had. Shethought of what the calf wanted; so she put her maternalfinger in the calf’s mouth and let the calf
  我自然不愿意付出增加的租金,可是,和饭店谈到我所要的有什么用呢?他们所注意的只是他们所需要的,所以过了两天,我去见那家大饭店的经理。
suck her fingeras she gently led him into the barn.
  我向那位经理说:「我接到你的信时,感到有点惶恐……当然我不会怪你,如果我们易地而处,我也会写出这样类似的信。你做经理的职司,是如何使这家饭店盈利。若是你不这样做;你就会被撤去这个职务,而且也应该被革职的。现在我们拿出一张纸来,写上有关你的利和害……如果你是坚持要加租的话。」
Every act you have ever performed since the day youwere born was performed because you wanted something.How about the
  我拿了一张纸,经过纸上的中心点,划出一条线,上端写上「利」,另一端是「害」。
time you gave a large contributionto the Red Cross? Yes, that is no exception to the rule.You gave the Red Cross the donation
  我在「利」的那一行写着:「舞厅空着」几个宇,然后接着说:「你可以自由的出租舞厅,作跳舞诸类聚会之用,那是一项很大的收入。像那种情形,显然你的收入,要比租给一个以演讲集会为用的收入更多。如果我在这一季中,占用了你舞厅二十个晚上,你一定会失去了那些有更多盈利的收入。」
because youwanted to lend a helping hand; you wanted to do a beautiful,unselfish, divine act. " Inasmuch as ye have done
  我又说:「现在我们来谈谈另一方面……由于我无法接受你的要求,减少了你的收入。在我来讲,因为我不能付出你所需要的租金,不得已祗有在别处举行演讲。可是,另外有一项事实,我相信你该想到的。我这个演讲研究会,使上层社会知识分子的群众,到你这家饭店来,对你来请,是不是做了一次极成功的广告?事实上,如果你付出五千元的广告费,不会有我研究会演讲班里的那么多人来你这家饭店,这对你来说是很有价值的,是不是?」
itunto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have doneit unto me.”
  我说这话时,把这两种情形写在纸上,然后把那张纸交给了经理,又说:
  If you hadn’t wanted that feeling more than youwanted your money, you would not have made the contribution.Of course,
  这两种情形,希望你仔细考虑一下,当你作最后决定时,给我一个通知。」
you might have made the contributionbecause you were ashamed to refuse or because acustomer asked you to do it. But one thing
  第二天,我接到那家饭店一封信,告诉我租金加百分之五十,而不是百分之三百。
is certain. Youmade the contribution because you wanted something.
  请注意,我没有说出,有关于我要减少租金的只字词组…:.我所说的,都是对方所要的,和他该如何得到它。
  Harry A, Overstreet in his illuminating book InfluencingHuman Behavior said; “Action springs out of whatwe fundamentally
  如果我照普通一般人的做法,闯进这位饭店经理的办公室,跟他理论。我可以这样说:「我入场券已经印好,通知已经公布,你突然增加我三倍的租金,那是什么意思?百分之三百,太可笑了……不近情理,我不付!」
desire . . . and the best piece of advicewhich can be given to would-be persuaders,whether in business, in the home, in the
  在这种情形下,又会如何呢?争论、辩论就要开始蒸发、沸腾了!结果又如何呢?即使我所指的情形,这位饭店经理信 自己是错误的,可是由于他的自尊,会使他感到承认他自己的错误很困难。
school, in politics,is: First, arouse in the other person an eager want.He who can do this has the whole world with him.
  关于人与人之间,建立关系的艺术,这里有一个很好的建议。亨利.福特曾这样说过:「如果有一个成功秘诀的话,那就是如何得到对方立场" 的能力,由他的观点设想,正同由你的观点一样。」
Hewho cannot walks a lonely way.”
  是的,我把福特的话,再重说一遍:「如果有一个成功秘诀的话,那就是如何得到对方『立场」 的能力;由他的观点设想,正同由你自己的观点一样。」那是这样的简单,这样的明显,任何人都容易找出其中的原理来。可是,世界上百分之九十的人,有百分之九十的时候,都杷这件事疏忽了。
  Andrew Carnegie, the poverty-stricken Scotch ladwho started to work at two cents an hour and finally gaveaway $365
  可以举出一些例子来说明吗?看看明天早上你桌上的来信吧!你可以看出有很多的人,违反了这种常识的规则。就拿下面这封信来说,那是一家全国各地都有分公司,极具规模的广告公司里的一位无线电部主任,写给全国各无线电台负责人的倍。( 我在这括号中的注明,是对每一节文句中的见解、反应。)
million, learned early in life that the onlyway to influence people is to talk in terms of what theother person wants. He
  「强.白来克先生,
attended school only four years;yet he learned how to handle people.
  白来克维尔,
  To illustrate: His sister-in-law was worried sick overher two boys. They were at Yale, and they were so busywith their
  印地安那
own affairs that they neglected to write homeand paid no attention whatever to their mother’s franticletters.
  亲爱的白来克先生:
  Then Carnegie offered to wager a hundred dollars thathe could get an answer by return mail, without evenasking for it.
  本公司希望在无线电界,能保持广告业务的领袖地位。」
Someone called his bet; so he wrote hisnephews a chatty letter, mentioning casually in a post-scriptthat he was sending each
  ( 谁关心你公司的希望?我正为着自己多种问题在烦恼呢!银行要取消我房产抵押的取赎权……害虫正在损害我的花草……昨天交易市场混乱……早晨我误了八点一刻的火车……昨晚强斯家里舞会没有请我……医生说我有高血压、神经炎的毛病……)
one a five-dollar bill.He neglected, however, to enclose the money.
  「本公司全国广告的帐户,是初步营业网的保障,我们以后所需要的电台时间,已保持我们每年在各家公司之上。(你自大,炫耀有钱,一切都遥遥领先,对不对?那又怎么样?如果你像全国汽车公司、全国电气公司、美国陆军总部合起来那么大,我也不去理会的。如果你自己也只是一知半解,那你就该知道,我只关心我是如何「大」,而不是你如何「大」。)
  Back came replies by return mail thanking “DearUncle Andrew” for his kind note and-you can finishthe sentence yourself.
  「我们希望以无限电台最近的消息,服务我们的客户。」
Another example of persuading comes from StanNovak of Cleveland, Ohio, a participant in our course.Stan came home from
  (「你」希望!「你」希望!你这头蠢驴。我不是注意「你」所希望的,或是墨索里尼所希望的,或是平克劳斯贝所希望的,我干脆告诉你,我只注意「我」所希望的……在你这封不近情理的信?,就没有提到这样的字。)
work one evening to find hisyoungest son, Tim, kicking and screaming on the livingroom floor. He was to start kindergarten
  「所以你且将本公司,列入优先名单,每周供给电台消息凡对于广告公司在消息登记时有用的每一项细目。」
the next day andwas protesting that he would not go. Stan’s normal reactionwould have been to banish the child to his
  (「优先名单」,你替你公司自吹自擂,使我感到自己那么微小……你要我将你列入优先名单,你需要的时候,连「请」字也不说。)
roomand tell him he’d just better make up his mind to go. Hehad no choice. But tonight, recognizing that this wouldnot
  「即予函覆,供给我们有关你最近的「活动」,以彼此有益。」
really help Tim start kindergarten in the best frameof mind, Stan sat down and thought, “If I were Tim, whywould I be
  (你这个笨蛋,你寄了一封普通的油印信给我,是一封分发各地的通知信--那就像秋
excited about going to kindergarten?” Heand his wife made a list of all the fun things Tim woulddo such as finger painting,
  天的落叶那么多。你要我正在我房产抵押,血压太高的时候,坐下来单独写封信,回答你那封油印格式的信,而且还要我给你「即予函覆」。「即予」是什么意思?难道你不知道,我也跟你一样的忙。我问你,谁交给你这样一个「权力」来吩咐我的?你说「彼此有益」,最后你才开始提到我的立场,可是又如何对我有益,你却模糊不清,没有详细说明。)
singing songs, making newfriends. Then they put them into action. “We all startedfinger-painting on the kitchen table-my
  「再启者,随信附上白来克维尔报复印本,如果你愿意在电台广播的话,可供参考。」
wife, Lil, myother son Bob, and myself, all having fun. Soon Tim waspeeping around the corner. Next he was begging to
  (在你这一则附启中,提到了可以帮助我解决一项问题的事,为什么不用这些,作为你这封信的开端。可是,那又有什么用?任何广告公司的人,犯了像你寄来这封倍中那种愚蠢的毛病,脑神经一定不正常。)
participate.‘Oh, no! You have to go to kindergarten first tolearn how to finger-paint.’ With all the enthusiasm Icould
如果有个一生致力于广告事业的人,他自以为有影响他人的力量,可是写出那样的一封信来,我们如何能给他更高的估价呢?
muster I went through the list talking in terms hecould understand-telling him all the fun he wouldhave in kindergarten. The
  这里有另外一封信,那是一位极有规模的货运站总监,写给我研究会讲习班里一个学员「夫姆雷」先生的。这封信对一个收到信的人来讲,会有什么影响呢?先看过这封信后,我再告诉你,
next morning, I thought I wasthe first one up. I went downstairs and found Tim sittingsound asleep in the living room chair.
  首雷格公司,
‘What are youdoing here?’ I asked. ‘I’m waiting to go to kindergarten.I don’t want to be late.’ The enthusiasm of our
  前街一干八号,
entirefamily had aroused in Tim an eager want that no amountof discussion or threat could have possibly accomplished.” Tomorrow you may want to persuade somebody to dosomething. Before you speak, pause and ask yourself:“How can I make this
  白洛克林,纽约
person want to do it?”That question will stop us from rushing into a situationheedlessly, with futile chatter about our desires.
  致,爱德华.夫姆雷先生执事先生:
  At one time I rented the grand ballroom of a certainNew York hotel for twenty nights in each season in orderto hold a
  敝处外运收货工作,由于大部份交运货物的客户,都在傍晚时分把货送到,使敝处感到极大困扰。因为这样,会引起货运停滞,使我们员工延迟工作时间,影响卡车运送效率,而形成了交货缓慢的结果。
series of lectures. At the beginning of one season, I was suddenly informedthat I should have to pay almost three times asmuch rent as
  十一月十日,我们收到贵公司交运的货物五百一十件,送达时间是在下午四点二十分。
formerly. This news reached me after thetickets had been printed and distributed and all announcementshad been made.
  为了减少货物迟交所发生不良影响,我们希望获得贵公司充份的合作。以后如交运大批货物时,是否可以尽量提早时间送来我们这崟,或于上午送来一部份?
  Naturally, I didn’t want to pay the increase, but whatwas the use of talking to the hotel about what I wanted?They were
  该项措施,有益于贵公司业务,使你们载货卡车可以迅速驶回,同时敝处保证,收到你们货物后立即发出。
interested only in what they wanted. So acouple of days later I went to see the manager.
  总监某某谨启
  "I was a bit shocked when I got your letter,” I said,“but I don’t blame you at all. If I had been in your position,I
  首雷格公司推销主任夫姆雷先生,看过这封信后,注上下面见解,交来给我:
should probably have written a similar letter myself.Your duty as the manager of the hotel is to make allthe profit possible.
  这封信所产生的效果,正与对方的原意相反。信的开端,说出对方货运站的困难,一
If you don’t do that, you will be firedand you ought to be fired. Now, let’s take a piece ofpaper and write down the
  般来讲这不是我们所注意的。接着对方要求我的合作,可是他们丝毫没有想到,是否对我们有所不便?信上未尾一段,提到如果我们合作,可以使卡车迅速驶回,且保证我们的货物可以在收到之日立即发出。
advantages and the disadvantagesthat will accrue to you, if you insist on this increasein rent.”
  换句话说,我们所最注意的事,在最后才提到,使整个效果起了相反的作用,而不是合作的精神。」
  Then I took a letterhead and ran a line through thecenter and headed one column “Advantages” and theother column
  现在我们看看,这封情是否能加以改善而重写,我们不需要浪费时间谈我们的问题,就像亨利.福特曾经说过的让我们「得到对方的立场,由对方的观点来看事物,正同由我们的观点一样。」
“Disadvantages.”
  这里是一种修改的方法,也许不是最好,但是不是能改善过来呢?
  I wrote down under the head “Advantages” thesewords: “Ballroom free.” Then I went on to say: “Youwill have the
  首雷格公司转交夫姆雷先生,
advantage of having the ballroom free torent for dances and conventions. That is a big advantage,for affairs like that will
  前街二十八号,
pay you much more than you canget for a series of lectures. If I tie your ballroom upfor twenty nights during the course of
  白洛克林,纽约亲爱的夫姆雷先生:
the season, it issure to mean a loss of some very profitable business toyou.
  十四年来,贵公司一直是我们欢迎的好主顾。当然,对你们的照顾,我们表示非常感激,并且极愿意提供你们更迅速有效的服务。可是,我们感到非常抱歉的需要谈到一件事,那是当贵公司的卡车,像十一月十日那种情形,在傍晚时候才交下大批货物,这种服务就不可能了!
  “Now, let’s ‘consider the disadvantages. First, insteadof increasing your income from me, you are going todecrease it.
  那是什么原因呢?因为很多其它的客户,也在傍晚时候交货,自然就会发生停滞的现象。至于贵公司运货卡车,有时也难免在码头受阻,而使你们货运延迟下来。
In fact, you are going to wipe it out becauseI cannot pay the rent you are asking. I shall be forced tohold these lectures at
  这情形不好,非常不好,可是又如何避免呢?那就是如果可能的话,请贵公司在上午时闲,把货物交送到码头。这办法可使贵公司运货卡车,可以迅速的继续流动;你们交运的货物,我们可以立即的处理,而敝处的员工,每晚可以提早回家,品尝贵公司出品的鲜美面食
some other place.
  看过这封信后,请勿介意,并非敝处向贵公司建议改善业务方针,这封信的目的,是使敝处对贵公司有更有效的服务。
  “There’s another disadvantage to you also. These lecturesattract crowds of educated and cultured people toyour hotel.
  贵公司货物无论何时到达,我们仍愿竭力迅速的替你们服务。
That is good advertising for you, isn’t it? Infact, if you spent five thousand dollars advertising in the newspapers, you
  你处理业务很忙。请不必费神赐覆!
couldn’t bring as many people to lookat your hotel as I can bring by these lectures. That isworth a lot to a hotel, isn’t
  某某谨启
it?”
  今天成千的推销员,疲倦,沮丧,酬劳不足,徘徊在路上!那是什么原因?由于他们永远只替他们所需要的打算、着想,而没有注意到,他们所推销的是不是我们所需要的东西。
  As I talked, I wrote these two “disadvantages” underthe proper heading, and handed the sheet of paper tothe manager,
  如果我们要买我们需要的东西,会自己出去买,原因是我们所注意的,是如何解决自己的问题。假如有个推销员,他的服务,和货物,确实能够帮助我们解决一个问题,他不必喋喋不休的向我们推销,我们就会买他的东西。顾客喜欢觉得是自己主动买的,而不是由于推销才买的。
saying: "I wish you would carefully considerboth the advantages and disadvantages that aregoing to accrue to you and then
  但有很多人,费去一生的光阴在销售工作,却不站在买主的立场论事。
give me your final decision.”
  现在有这样一个例子………我住在大纽约中心的「林邱」住宅区。有一天,我正走向车
  I received a letter the next day, informing me that myrent would be increased only 50 percent instead of 300percent.
  站去的时候,碰巧遇到一个经营房地产的代理人,他在长岛一带买卖房地产,已有很多年了。他对我住的那个「林邱」住宅区很熟悉,所以我问他,我住的那种房子是用什么材料建造的。他回答我不知道,可是都说了些我所知道的……关于我所问他的那情形,他说可以去问我那住宅区的询问机构。
  Mind you, I got this reduction without saying a wordabout what I wanted. I talked all the time about whatthe other person
  第二天早晨,我接到他一封信……他是要把我想知道的事告诉我?那不需要写信,花六十秒钟时间,挂个电话给我就行了。但他没有这样做,还是叫我去问那个询问机构,最后却是要我让他办理我的保险业务。
wanted and how he could get it.
  他并没有注意到如何帮助我,他祇是注意帮助他自己。
  Suppose I had done the human, natural thing; supposeI had stormed into his office and said, “What do youmean by raising
  我该给他两本「梵许.杨」名著的小册,那是「去赐予」和「幸运的分享」。他如果看了那两本书,而又能履行书中的哲学,相信他的收获,有千倍办理我保险的利益收入。
my rent three hundred percent whenyou know the tickets have been printed and the announcementsmade? Three hundred percent!
  那些专业的人们,往往也犯有这种同样的错误.…:那是数年前的事,我去费城一位著名的喉鼻医生的诊疗室。这位医生还没有诊看我喉间扁桃腺前,问我职业是什么。他不去注意我扁桃腺的大小,而注意我钱袋的大小。他所关心的,不是帮助我、替我解决一个问题,最使他关心的,是能从我钱袋一果得到多少钱。结果,他什么也没有得到……我轻视他人格的欠缺,放弃请他诊洽的打算,就走出他的诊疗室。
Ridiculous!Absurd! I won’t pay it!”
  世界上就充满了这些人:掳取、自私。可是那些不可多得的,不自私的,服务他人的人,却相反地获得了很大的利益。「欧文.杨」曾经这样说过:「一个人能设身于他人境地,能了解他人意念活动,他不必考虑到将来的前途如何。」
  What would have happened then? An argument wouldhave begun to steam and boil and sputter - and youknow how arguments end.
  如果看这本书,你祇获得到一件事---你会永远站在别人立场去打算、设想,并由对方的观点,去观察事物的趋向。如果你真获得了这本书上的那件事,那就是你一生事业转捩的关键。
Even if I had convinced himthat he was wrong, his pride would have made it difficultfor him to back down and give in.
  许多人受过大学教育,研钻深奥的学问,可是,他们从未发现到,自己的心是如何起作用的。有一次,我替一些大学毕业,在一家冷气装置公司工作的年轻职员,举行一种「有效力的演讲术」的课程,我找出一项资料,作个比喻:
  Here is one of the best bits of advice ever given aboutthe fine art of human relationships. “If there is any onesecret
  有个人要劝别人打篮球,他话是这样说的:「我要你们去打篮球,我喜欢篮球。可是前几次去体育馆,由于人数不足,不能分队对垒。那晚上我们两、三人作掷球游戏……不小心,我的眼睛给打紫了,不过我希望明晚你们来,我要打篮球。」
of success,” said Henry Ford, “it lies in the abilityto get the other person’s point of view and see thingsfrom that
  他可曾说,你需要些什么?你不去那谁也不要去的体育馆,是不是?你不管他要什么,只愿别把眼睛打紫了。
person’s angle as well as from your own.”
  他能告诉你,去体育馆你能得到你所要的吗?当然可以。激发精神、加强食欲、清晰头脑、消遣、游戏。
  That is so good, I want to repeat it: "If there is any onesecret of success, it lies in the ability to get the
  这是欧弗斯屈脱教授明碓的见解:「先激起对方某种迫切的需要,若能做到这点就可左右逢源,否则到处碰壁。」
otherperson's point of view and see things from that person’sangle as well as from your own.”
  研究会训练班中有一位学生,忧虑他的孩子;原因是这孩子体重很轻,不肯乖乖的吃东西。孩子的父母通常是这样责骂他:母亲要他吃这个、那个!父亲要他快快长大成人!
  That is so simple, so obvious, that anyone ought to seethe truth of it at a glance; yet 90 percent of the peopleon this
  这孩子会注意到这些话吗?他不会注意这些,也就像你不会去注意那跟你漠不相关的一
earth ignore it 90 percent of the time.An example? Look at the letters that come across yourdesk tomorrow morning, and you will find that most ofthem violate
  次盛宴一样。
this important canon of common sense.Take this one, a letter written by the head of the radiodepartment of an advertising
  一个没有一点常识的父亲,会希望一个三岁的孩子,能对三十岁父亲的见解,有所反应。可是那个父亲最后觉察出来,那是不合情理的。所以他对自己说:「那孩子需要的是什么?我如何将我所需要的,和他所需要的连结起来?」
agency with offices scatteredacross the continent. This letter was sent to themanagers of local radio stations throughout the
  他开始想到那点时,问题就容易解决了。他孩子有一辆三轮脚踏车,那孩子喜欢在屋前人行道上踩着这辆三轮车玩。间隔他们几家的一个邻居家里,有个「很坏」的大孩子,他常把那小孩子推下三轮车,自己骑上。
country.(I have set down, in brackets, my reactions to each paragraph.)
  那小孩哭着跑回来,告诉自己母亲,他母亲出来,就把那「很坏」的大孩子推下三轮车,再让自己孩子坐上车子,像这样的情形,每天都发生。
  Mr. John Blank,Blankville,Indiana
  这小孩所需要的是什么?这问题不需要作深奥的探索。他的自尊,他的愤怒,他求得自重感的欲望这都是他性质中最强烈的情绪驱使他想报复、痛击这「很坏」的大孩子的鼻子?!
  Dear Mr. Blank:The ------ company desires to retain its position in advertisingagency leadership in the radio field.
  如果他父亲有这样的告诉他,只要吃母亲要他吃的束西,他就会快快长大,将来可以把这个「很坏」的大孩子一拳打倒。当他父亲应许他那件事后,已不再是饮食的问题了!现在这孩子什么都爱吃了,菠菜、白菜、咸鱼,和任何其它食物。他希望自己快快长大,去打那个一再欺侮他的「暴徒」。
  [Who cares what your company desires? I am worriedabout my own problems. The bank is foreclosing themortage on my house,
  当那问题解决后,又有另外一个问题,困扰了这位父亲……这小男孩有「遗尿」湿床的坏习惯。
the bugs are destroying the hollyhocks,the stock market tumbled yesterday. I missedthe eight-fifteen this morning, I wasn’t
  小男孩跟他祖母睡一起,祖母早晨醒来,摸摸床单,向小男孩说:「你看,强尼,昨夜你又干了些什么?」
invited to theJones’s dance last night, the doctor tells me I have highblood pressure and neuritis and dandruff. And then
  强尼总是这样回答:「不,没有,我没有湿床,那是妳湿的。」
whathappens? I come down to the office this morning worried,open my mail and here is some little whippersnapperoff in New
  家里父母亲打他,骂他,羞他他母亲无数次的告诉他,要他别那样,可是强尼没有改过他这个湿床的坏习惯。所以强尼的父母亲自问:「如何让强尼这孩子,改过、遗尿。湿床的坏习惯?」
York yapping about what his companywants. Bah! If he only realized what sort of impressionhis letter makes, he would get out
  强尼他所要的是什么?第一,他要穿像父亲一样的睡衣,而不愿意穿像祖母那样的睡袍。祖母已受够了他夜晚的捣扰,使她每夜不能舒服的入睡,所以强尼如果改去他那种坏习惯,她乐意替他买套睡衣。第二,他要一张属于他自己的床--祖母对这件事也不反对。
of the advertisingbusiness and start manufacturing sheep dip.]
  母亲带了强尼去一家百货公司,以目示意柜台女售货员说:这位小绅士要买些东西!」
  This agency’s national advertising accounts were thebulwark of the network. Our subsequent clearances ofstation time
  女售货员使他感到自重的问:「年轻人,你要买些什么?」
have kept us at the top of agencies year afteryear.
  强尼提起脚跟,站高了些,说:「我要替我自己买张床。」
  [You are big and rich and right at the top, are you? Sowhat? I don’t give two whoops in Hades if you are as bigas
  当强尼看到他母亲喜欢他买的床时;强尼母亲向女售货员又使了个眼色,女售货员就向强尼说出那张床的可爱和实用这张床就买了下来。
General Motors and General Electric and the GeneralStaff of the U.S. Army all combined. If you had as muchsense as a half-
  床送到的当天晚上,父亲回家的时候,强尼奔到门口,大声的叫着说:「爹地,爹地,快上楼来看,我自己买的床!」
witted hummingbird, you would realizethat I am interested in how big I am - not how big youare. All this talk about your
  父亲看到那张床,想到司华伯所说过的话,就对这小男孩点头赞许。
enormous success makes mefeel small and unimportant.]
他问儿子:「强尼,你不会再弄湿这张床了,是不是?」
  We desire to service our accounts with the last word on radio station information.
  「噢,不,不,」强尼连连摇头说:「我不会再弄湿这张床的。」由于他自尊心的关系,这孩子遵守了自己的诺言……强尼再也不「遗尿」弄湿床了。因为那是他的床他自己买的。现在强尼穿起睡衣,就像个小「大人」一样,他要做个「大人」,他做到了。
  [You desire! You desire. You unmitigated ass. I’m notinterested in what you desire or what the President ofthe United
  另外有个父亲,叫特许门,是一位电话工程师,也是我训练班里的学员。他所遭遇到的困扰,是他三岁的女儿不肯吃早餐。经常对这小女孩的责骂,请求,或是哄骗,都无法收到效果。
States desires. Let me tell you once and forall that I am interested in what I desire - and youhaven’t said a word about
  这小女孩喜欢模仿她的母亲,似乎觉得自己已长大了。所以有一天早晨,他们把她放在一张椅上,让她做早餐--眼前的情形,正是这小女孩心理上的需要。当她正在做早餐时,父亲走进厨房来。小女孩看到父亲进来,就说:「嗨,爹地,你看--我在做早餐呢!」
that yet in this absurd letter ofyours .]
  就在那天早晨,小女孩没有任何人的哄骗、诱劝,乖乖的吃了两大碗。由于她对这件事感到兴趣,满足了她的自重感。做早餐的时候,她找到表现自己的机会。
  Will you, therefore, put the ---------- company on yourpreferred list for weekly station information - every singledetail
  威立姆.温德,有一次说过:「表现自己,那是人性最主要的需要。」可是,为什么在我们事业上,不用这种同样的心理学呢?
that will be useful to an agency in intelligently bookingtime.
引起别人的渴望。
  [“Preferred list.” You have your nerve! You make mefeel insignificant by your big talk about your company- nd then you
提要
ask me to put you on a “preferred” list,and you don’t even say “please” when you ask it.]
不要批评,责怪或抱怨。
  A prompt acknowledgment of this letter, giving us yourlatest “doings,” will be mutually helpful.
  献出你真实,诚恳的赞赏。
  [You fool! You mail me a cheap form letter - a letterscattered far and wide like the autumn leaves - and youhave the gall
  引起别人的渴望。
to ask me, when I am worried about themortgage and the hollyhocks and my blood pressure, tosit down and dictate a personal
标签:人性 左右逢源
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2011-01-10 15:13 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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  • 引起别人的渴望。
    to ask me, when I am worried about themortgage and the hollyhocks and my blood pressure, tosit down and dictate a personal

    2013-06-15 16:21 回复 支持(1) 反对(0) 沙发
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