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让孩子目睹分娩过程的妈妈

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I wanted them to witness the pain and emotion of life. Then I started screaming -- and my daughter started crying

我想要他们目睹那种疼痛生命中的情感。然后我开始歇斯底里的叫喊——我的女儿也开始哭喊。

Deep into my third pregnancy -- days and days past my due date -- I asked my two daughters whether they wanted to be at home for the birth.
在我第三次怀孕的最后的日子里——日子一天天的超过了预产期——我问两个女儿当我生产的时候他们是否愿意待在家中陪我。

"No," my 7-year-old, Beatrice, said.
“不”,我七岁的女儿比阿特丽斯(以下简称比)说。

"No," echoed her 3-year-old sister, Frances. Frances would chew glass if Beatrice said she thought it was a good idea. I knew she was just going along.
“不”,我三岁大的女儿弗朗西丝(以下简称弗)附和着说。如果比说嚼玻璃片是个好主意的话,弗也会这么做的。我清楚地知道弗只是跟着她姐姐做。

"Fine, but will you be OK if you have to be home while I have the baby?" I asked. "You know, if we can't get ahold of someone to come get you?"
“好吧,但当我生产的时候你们不得不待在家里的话你们能应付得来吗?”我说道:“你们知道,如果我们到时候找不到人来接你们的话,怎么办呢?”

"No," Beatrice said.
“绝不”,比说到。

"No." That was Frances.
“绝不”,弗也跟着说。

"Well, we'll figure it out." That's my mantra when I'm faced with too many or too few choices. I tucked my daughters in and closed the door.
“好吧,我们会想出办法来的。”当我面对的抉择太多或太少的时候,我习惯性的会这样说。给女儿们盖好被子,我关上了门。

That night, I went into labor.
那天晚上,我进入了分娩状态。

I'm not exactly Type-A and planning doesn't come naturally to me. Added to that, this was my second home birth. It was easy not to get worked up over the details. It wasn't until two weeks before my due date that I finally requested the results of a first-trimester sonogram and genetics test be sent to my midwife. I had to pay rush shipping for my birth kit -- all the sterilized gauze pads, alcohol swabs, gloves and goop the midwife needs at the birth. We had only just picked names. Where to send the girls while I labored and birthed their younger sibling was even lower on my list of urgent tasks.
我并不是真正准备好了A计划,而且计划也不是我擅长的事情。另外,这是我第二次在家里生产了。对于细节我不太容易会太过激动。直到预产期前两周我才最终要求把超音波和遗传学鉴定结果送到我的助产士那里去。我必须急匆匆地准备生产装备——所有助产士在我生产过程中需要的无菌的网垫、酒精棉签、手套和液体。我们只是刚选好了名字。当我生产的时候把女儿们送到哪里去远没有排在紧急事务的列表上。

Ideally, I thought, I'd shoot this baby out during school hours and we wouldn't need a plan. Everything was falling into place.
我曾幻想着我会在她们上学的那段时间里生产,这样的话我们就不用再麻烦了。所有的事情也就全部就绪了。

Between the short, regular contractions that morning, I helped the girls get ready for school. Once they left, I called my midwife.
那天早晨有短暂的有规律的收缩,我帮助女儿们准备好去上学。她们一离开,我就电话叫来了助产士。

"No big deal," I told her, "but I'm definitely in labor." Then I updated my Facebook status, "… is in labor!" And I watched TV. In labor.
“没什么大事,但我确定我进入了分娩状态。”我对她说。然后我更新了我在面书网络上的状态“…生产中。。。”然后我就看着电视,等待分娩的来临。

After the 30-minute school/preschool dropoff circuit, my husband came home, where he would conduct his workday. Between checking e-mails, he rearranged furniture. After editing a manuscript, he set up the labor tub, an inflatable plastic kiddie pool with a noticeable off-gas. I sipped coffee. I contracted. I sipped water. I contracted. "Still having contractions," I told my midwife around lunchtime. "Still no big deal."
三十分钟的准备时间,女儿们终于离开了。然后我丈夫回来了,在家里他将安排好他一天的日程。读完电邮,他整理好了家具。在校订了手稿之后,他给我准备好分娩用的浴盆,一个可充气的塑料的儿童游泳池,还有一个可见的排气口。我抿了口咖啡、我身体收缩了下,我又喝了口水,我的身体又收缩了下。大约午餐时间的时候,我对助产士说还有收缩现象,但还是没有什么要紧的。

My husband, Wayne, asked for the plan. "Where are we taking the girls?"
我的丈夫韦恩问我把女儿送到哪里去的计划。

"Not sure," I said to him. But, at that point, I was. I wanted them with me, the image of their brother's birth burned in their brains. Not at all for sentimental reasons, though. No, quite the opposite.
我说还不确定。是的,那个时候,我还不确定。我想要他们跟我一起,目睹她们的弟弟出生的过程。并不全是情感方面的原因,甚至完全没有情感方面的原因。

Here's what happens once you've given birth at home, which I had, nearly four years before: You're called a hero, told you're brave, held up as the opposite of your best friend who had a planned C-section. You're now the spokesperson for all things "crunchy" (including Waldorf education, which makes you giggle, and vegetarianism, which makes you crave pork chops). Your e-mail address gets forwarded to pregnant sisters/friends/co-workers who want to talk to you about "natural birth." It's all a part of the home-birther package.
这里是所有在家中生产时会发生的事情,大约四年前我就经历过:你被敬为英雄、人们称赞你的勇敢,而那些选择剖腹产的你最好的朋友却会阻止你这样做。你现在成了所有“脆脆的东西”的代言人(包括让你咯咯傻笑的华德福教育联盟,还有让你渴望猪排的素食主义)。你的电邮地址被那些想要跟你谈论自然分娩的怀孕的姐妹们/朋友们/同事们分享。这些都是在家里分娩的事务的一部分。

But the praise isn't true (like hell, I was a hero), crunchiness gets exaggerated, and the conversations, encouragement and reading lists for the "natural birth" hopefuls, in my experience, mostly led to the operating room. By this third pregnancy, I had grown weary of assumptions people made about me, my lifestyle, my parenting. Just mentioning a home birth was interpreted as judging women who prefer hospitals. I sensed moms offering me excuses for their epidurals when, really? I just wanted to sniff their newborns' heads. During this pregnancy, I avoided talking casually about the politics and practices of modern-day childbirth. Unless it was with my two daughters.
但赞誉并不是真的(见鬼,我是一个英雄),赞誉夸大其词了,那些关于自然生产的交谈、鼓励和读物,在我个人经历看来,多数最后还是走进了手术室。在第三次怀孕的过程中,我对人们不断的设想我的生活方式,育儿方式感到疲倦。仅提及家庭生产就被解释为判定谁喜欢医院生产。当我提及硬膜外注射时,我感觉到妈妈们都找借口避开。我只是想闻一下新生儿的脑袋。除了在我跟我两个女儿待在一块的时候,在这次怀孕的过程中,我避免偶然谈及现代分娩政策和实践。

Them, I wanted to know everything. And they did.
她们,我想要知道一切。她们也是。

I told and retold their birth stories, I read them other people's birth stories. We looked at books, talked mechanics. I described the pain, the emotions, the little things (like Beatrice's hangnail at her birth) and the big things (like crapping on the floor during Frances').
我一再告诉她们出生的故事,我给她们读其他人出生的故事。我们一起看书,谈论机械。我描述当时的疼痛、情感及一些细小的东西(比如比出生时手指上的倒拉刺)和一些大的东西(比如弗出生时拉在了地板上)。

So it was with education in mind -- education with a whiff of indoctrination -- that I wanted them to see a woman give birth. Sort of a health class video meant to supplement the textbook and lectures. After all their excitement and knowledge, I was sure they'd enjoy being a part of it.
所以这是一种心理教育——点滴教化——我想要她们目睹一个女人生产的景象。有点像对课本和演讲进行补充的健康课程录像。熟知了所有的兴奋和知道之后,我确定他们将会享受这一过程。

Three o'clock. No baby yet. Time to pick the girls up from school. My husband filled up the pool with warm water before heading out. Then he left me.
三点钟的时候,婴儿还没有降生。是时候接女儿们回家了。丈夫在出门的时候把池子放满了温水。随后他就离开了我。

Alone.
独自一个地。

And that's when I started having the baby.
这时候我开始分娩了。

Contractions came on hard and, oh, so frequently.
收缩来的很猛烈,并且很频繁。

I called my midwife, who could get to our place in 20 minutes. I called my husband, who hadn't been gone more than 10.
我给助产士打了电话,她将在20分钟内赶到我家。我还电话给了丈夫,十分钟之前他还没有离开。

"Where are you?" I whimpered.
我轻声说:你在哪儿?

In the background, I heard Beatrice's worried voice: "Is Mommy OK?"
在后面,我听到比焦急的声音:“妈妈还好吗?”

"Just ... can you ... hang on," I interrupted my thought with a loud moan.
“能不能…等一下”我用大声的呻吟打断了我的思考。

"Was that Mommy?" She was scared. I knew that soon she'd be crying.
那是妈妈吗?她很担心,我知道不久她就会开始哭喊了。

"Should I come home?" Wayne asked. He had just started the cross-town trip to Frances' preschool. "What do you want me to do about the kids?"
“我要回家吗?”韦恩询问到。他刚好准备去幼儿园接弗“你有打算孩子们怎么办吗?”

"Just get everyone and come back," I said. "We'll figure it out."
我说:“把她们都接到,赶紧回来就可以了,我们会解决好的。”

Another contraction. I hadn't figured it out. It was too late for a Plan B.
又是一阵宫缩。我还没有想出办法来。现在再想B计划已经来不及了。

The contractions were suddenly hard. And coming really, really fast. Again, I called my midwife.
突然之间宫缩猛烈起来了。并且来的特别的快。又一次的,我打电话给助产士。

"The tub ... should I get in the tub or stay out?" I asked. I couldn't remember if the tub slowed things down or sped them up.
“浴盆……我应该进去还是待在外面呢?”我问道。我记不起来浴盆是减慢还是加快事情进展的速度了。

"Stay out of the tub," she said urgently. "Stay out."
“待在浴盆外面,”她急切地说,“待在外面”。

I stayed out. Every fact I had ever learned about birth shuffled through my mind like flashcards. Lights trigger adrenalin, which slows or stops labor.
我就待在外面。我学到的关于生产的每一个情节就像闪动的卡片样在我脑海中穿过。光会刺激肾上腺激素产生,这会减慢或停止分娩过程。

I turned on lights.
我打开了灯光。

Noise, voices, talking ... takes you out of the zone, gets you thinking, which triggers labor-slowing adrenalin. I turned on NPR. I listened. I thought. So many thoughts! I repeated what I heard, out loud, to the fish spray-painted on the pool. Another contraction. When that was over, I thought some more.
噪音、声音、谈话声…带你走出那个区域,让你去想,是什么激发了减慢分娩的肾上腺素分泌。我打开公共电台,仔细聆听,认真思考。太多的想法!我不断重复着我所听到的,像池子里的鱼不断地吐着泡泡。又一阵宫缩。等到它过去之后,我想了更多。

Wine. I was once at meeting of home-birth moms, years before, and I overheard one woman telling her birth story. "I drank a glass of wine to slow things down," she said. "But my labor wound up totally stalled."
酒。几年之前,我曾经在一个关于在家里生产的妈妈的集会,我偶而听到一个人讲述她的生产故事。“我喝了一杯酒来把进展慢下来,”她说“但我的分娩兴奋程度完全停止了。”

Totally stalled, totally stalled. I uncorked. I poured. I concentrated on closing-bell stock reports and the Dow.
完全停止了,完全停止了。我拔去酒塞、倒了一杯酒。我把注意力集中在股票收盘报告和道琼斯平均指数上。

Now I was groaning. Contracting and groaning. And guzzling wine.
现在我不断在呻吟着。收缩着并呻吟着。狂饮着杯里的酒。

Finally, my midwife arrived, along with her daughter.
最终,我的助产士到了,来的还有她的女儿。

Then Wayne arrived, along with ours.
然后韦恩也到了,还有我们的女儿。

"Hey, guys," I said before moaning as they walked through the door. My voice was shaky, and I gritted my teeth. Beatrice wouldn't look at me.
当他们走过房门的时候,没有呻吟我说:“好啊,孩子们。”我的声音是颤抖的,紧咬牙关。比不会注视我。

I couldn't hug her because I needed my arms to tear off my pants, I was so desperate to get into the pool. "Don't worry, sweetie," I called out, half-naked and stepping into a pool where our coffee table had been. "This is all very, very normal."
我也没有去抱比,因为我要用手去扯掉裤子,我只想不顾一切的进入到池子里去。我喊道:“不要担心,宝贝。”半裸着身子,跨进了放在我们曾摆放咖啡桌子的地方的池子里。“所有的事都很正常。”

Frances asked if she could stick her hand in the water, but Beatrice walked straight to her room. She was crying. She was scared.
弗问她是否可以把手插在水中,但比径直走进了自己的房间里。她哭喊着。她被吓到了。

How could I have not figured something else out?
我怎么没有考虑到其他一些事情呢?

Beatrice is a sensitive girl, especially when it comes to her mother's emotional state. She can tell from just a slight change in my breathing that a movie has me choked up. In general, she's fine with physical pain and sadness -- splinters, saying goodbye to grandparents. But she's not fine with the idea of pain -- tweezers with which to extract the splinter, a car ride to the airport.
比是一个敏感的女孩,特别是面对她母亲的情感状态的时候。她能仅从一个轻微的呼吸变化就知道我被一场电影感动的哽咽了。通常来说,她能够处理生理痛和悲伤——破裂、如与祖母作最后的道别。但她不能去想疼痛——那些与破裂相关的主题,比如一个奔去机场的汽车。

Knowing this, we had talked about the noise I might make while in labor. We had also talked about possible emergency scenarios. Perhaps I had underplayed the former and overplayed the latter. Either way, each sound I made took her further away from the idea of a sweet baby and closer to the idea of losing her mother.
了解到这一点,我们曾谈论过在分娩过程我可能会发出的声响。我们还谈论可能的紧急的手术场景。可能我对前者描述的不够充分,而对后者又太过夸张了。无论是往哪方面想,听起来都会使她离一个可爱的婴儿的想法越来越远,而对失去妈妈的想法却越来越真切。

There was no way to stop and no way to muffle the noise. Our house is small. Less than 700 square feet. She heard every sound I couldn't stifle. I heard her every stressed-out whimper my groaning triggered.
没有办法去停止下来,也没有办法掩盖那些声音。我们的房子很小,还不足700平方英尺,我不能抑止的每一次声响她都能听到。我听到了每一个她因为我的呻吟而不堪重负的呜咽声。

"Go tell her I'm fine," I barked to Wayne. "Tell her it only hurts during the contractions."
我向韦恩叫喊着:去告诉她我很好。告诉她只是在宫缩的时候才会痛。

Another contraction. I was really loud and couldn't help it.
又一阵收缩。我放声呼喊,不能抑止。

Wayne was back at the pool. "She said she's going to faint."
韦恩回到了池子旁,对我说:她说她有点晕。

"Mommy's OK," I yelled. "Come out and talk to ..." An agonizing groan finished my sentence. Another contraction.
我叫喊着:“妈妈没什么事。走出来,跟…说。”一段痛苦的呻吟结束了我的语句。又一阵宫缩。

"I don't want to!"
“我不想要!”

"Here," I said, handing my husband the digital camera. "Take a picture."
把数码照相机递给了丈夫,我说:“给你,拍个照片吧。”

I grabbed my full glass of water ... moaned through another contraction ... then smiled holding the glass up high as if saying a toast. Click!
我抓起一个盛满水的杯子…又一阵的收缩让我呻吟不停……然后笑着举起了杯子,就像我要说祝酒词般的。咔哒!

"Now go show her I'm smiling," I growled. Another contraction. Another moan.
我咆哮着说:“现在去拿给比看。”又一阵宫缩,又一阵呻吟。

A few minutes later, Beatrice came out of her room.
几分钟后,比从房间里走了出来。

"I don't want to be here," she said, crying. I squeezed her hand. And then grimaced.
她哭着说:“我不想待在这。”我抓紧她的手,然后扮了个鬼脸。

"Remember what we talked about?" I asked her after the contraction ended. "How it hurts but then it stops?"
宫缩过后我问她:“记得我们说过什么吗?他是如何的疼痛,但一会它又是怎么停止的?”

"No," she said. "You said you wouldn't be very loud." True. This was definitely my most vocal labor.
她说:不记得了,你说过你不会这么大声的。是的,这确实是我对生产最美的赞歌。

An hour later, my midwife tried unsuccessfully to coax me out of the tub. Shortly after that, I felt the urge to push.
一个小时之后,我的助产士试着把我从浴盆里哄出来,但没有成功。一会儿之后,我感觉到很大的推压力。

That's when I got really noisy. My half-minute moans turned to deep growls and sometimes ecstatic-sounding pants, which made me self-conscious but apparently Beatrice less worried. Eventually, she and her sister came out and gathered around the pool.
我变得很吵了。我的半分钟持续的呻吟变成了深深的咆哮,有的时候连裤子都狂喜地抖动起来发出声响了,这让我很得意,但明显地比不那么担心了。最后,比和她妹妹终于从房间里出来围在池子旁边。

"Reach down and feel the baby," the midwife urged me. After that, the head was out.
助产士说:下来一些,感受婴儿。然后,婴儿的头就出来了。

I shut out the noise, pushed through the pain and squeezed my son out the rest of the way. I reached for him while still on my knees and then turned to rest my back against the side of the tub.
我大喊一声,忍着疼痛把我的儿子生出来了。我中跪着伸手去抓它,然后躺在池子的边沿上休息。

Happy, relieved and a little overwhelmed, I threw my head back against the side of the pool to look at Wayne. My cheek brushed against Beatrice as she reached over to touch her brother's back. I pushed my head into her side, an armless hug, a reassuring nudge. I felt her solid body and her softness next to me.
幸福开心、心头一块石头落地、还有点不知所措,我把头靠在池子边上抬眼望着韦恩。比用手触摸弟弟的脊背,我用脸颊贴着比的面庞。我把头靠在她的一侧,一次没有臂膀的拥抱,一个温馨的轻推。我感觉到她坚实的身体和与我温柔的接触。

"Can I hold him?" she asked.
她问:我可以抱他吗?

After the cord was cut each sister took turns with their brother. In the meantime, we chatted, I answered the midwife's questions, remembered to actually nurse the little guy.
一旦没有了束缚,姐妹俩轮流抱着她们的小弟弟。同时,我们也聊起天来,我回答了助产士的问题,还记得去喂养小孩子。

"So what did you think?" I asked the girls, the adrenalin rush making me extra-effusive. "Aren't you glad you were here?"
肾上腺素让我感情四溢。我问女孩们:你们感觉如何呢?你们待在这开心吗?

"Not really," Beatrice said.
比回答说:一点也不。

"No," that was Frances.
弗跟着说:不。

I tried. Maybe they'll thank me later.
我尽我所能。也许她们在以后会感谢我的。

标签:孩子 妈妈 分娩
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2010-10-18 23:35 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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