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【写作辅导】BEC作文范文及写作点评

所属:BEC商务英语 阅读:6584 次 评论:0 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

Your department needs to recruit more staff. Your line manager wants you to write a report explaining your requirements and commenting on recruitment methods.

Look at the information below, on which you have already made some handwritten notes.

Then, using all your handwritten notes, write your report.

Write 120-140 words.


作文范文:

Report on staff recruitment

As our company is developing several new products, the department of R&D needs new staff urgently to help design and monitor our products.

Thus we need to recruit 35 new staff, including electrical engineers and product developers. All of them should have at least two years ' experience in relevant field. More specific requirements will finally be decided in a few days.

As to recruitment methods, the disadvantage of relying on recruitment agency is that we need more time and procedure than we can afford. So I suggest we turn to a more direct way of Newspaper advertisement, which has been used many times and proved effective.

Comparing the two newspaper, Echo and Chronicle, we prefer the former because though it charges £500 more than the latter, the general readers are 400,000 more, most of whom are highly-educated.

We are sure to get reply soon after we launch the recruitment campaign.

网友作文一:

As the new project will be set off this year, our department needs to recruit 35 new emplyees[1]. The new staffs[2] shall have ability including innovation, teamwork, hard-working, goo manner.[3]
There exists three ways to recruit new staffs[2]: Newspaper(Echo) advertisments,Recurimet agency, Online recuriment.All of them have its advantages and disadvantages, so we shall use all of them to assure high-qualified staffs can see the information. [4]For the Recuriment agency, the efficiency is low but it probably can offer good[5] qulified people. WHy i chose echo instead of Chronic as it has much more readers with only five hundred dollors higher.

_________________________________________
[1]拼写是BEC作文中很重要的给分原则。
[2]基本词汇不过关,staff 是集合名词,不用复数
[3]这看起来是招聘广告上的东西吧,很抽象。审题要看懂要求,what type of staff 是指要招聘什么部门的员工。
[4]废话一句,可以去掉。题目要求是写出recruitment agency 的缺点,当然任何一种招聘方式都各有优缺,所以直接写disadvantage 。
[5]去掉,形容词怎么能修饰形容词

网友作文二:

Dear Paddy, [1]

Now our company has already put into a right path. I think[2] we should build an[3] complete organization in order to lead our company to obtain better and longer development. [4] So we need recruite 35 new staff allocated in 4 departments.

Please check the following list:
Dept. No. Duty
Personnel Dept. 2 Staff Management
Marketing Dept. 5 Marketing research and plan
QC Dept. 5 Control the quality of products
Sales Dept. 20 Product promotion in domestic
International business Dept. 3 Product promotion overseas[5]


Regarding with possible recruitment methods, there are the following three:
1) Recruitment agency.
The method is the best popular way in market. But considering that the cost is much higher, I don't suggest we adopt it.
2) Newspaper advertisement
It is a economical method compared with the first one. Though we used many times before,it also could enlarges the popalarity of our company.
3) Online recruitment  [6]


It is the best economical method.But it has large limits.And couldn't have the interview face to face.

So after the comparison, I think the second way is most suitable for us. Now I have two choice in Newspaper. One is Echo, the other is Chronicle. Numbers sold each day of Echo is 600,000, and cost of advertisement is just 2500. But The numbers sold each day of Chronicle is 200,000, less than the first, and cost of 2000 is not cheap. Echo could let more readers know this recruition of our company.lSo Echo is our best choice.

How about your considering?

I am awaiting for your advice.

Best wishes,
Jerry [7]

_________________________________________
[1]这不是写信,怎么有称呼
[2]报告中没有主观的表达,去掉
[3]这是什么?
[4]原因不具体,公司至于为了长久发展招聘员工?
[5]这占了报告很大一部分,喧宾夺主了。
[6]跑题了,考题中并没有让考生陈述各个招聘方式的优缺。
[7]这不是报告的格式,整体结构错误

网友作文三:

With the increasing of our new market in New York, our department needs to recruit 35 new staffs in sales area. Totally, there are three ways to recruit our new staff, by recruitment agency, Online recruitment or Newspaper advertisement. I don't think the way of recruitment by the agency which will take high cost for each new staff of all 35 staffs is a good one. [1]And I suggest our recruitment should be done through the Newspaper advertisement that we used many times before.

There are two major local newspapers- Echo and Chronicle, which (we can choose for our recruiment).[2] The Echo has an average sale mumber of 600,000 each day comparing with that of 200,000 of Chronicle. [3]

Needless to say we should choose Echo because we can let three times readers more than Chronicle's know our recruitment advertisment using almost the same money of 2000 pounds.

_________________________________________
[1]句子逻辑不清楚, 改为:the disadvantage of using recruitment agency is it is not cost-effective.
[2]去掉
[3]重要原因没有陈述,BEC中一直都很在意的,成本。

网友作文四:

Report on Staff Recruitment

Our products have taken a big business market[1] last year and the business orders tend to increase. In order to meet production requirements, we need to recruit 35 workers at the begin[2] of the coming year.

There are usually three recruiting methods now, namely Recruitment agency, online recruitment and Newspaper advertisement. I propose to use Newspaper advertisement. As you know[3] it is high cost to recruit worker by Recruitment agency and few workers find job through internet[4], so both of them are[5] not suit for worker recruitment. There are two popular newspapers now -Echo and Chronicle. I think the Echo is better than Chronicle because it has 600,000 pieces sold each day though it cost $500 higher than the latter. It is worth of it.

_________________________________________
[1]market share
[2]Beginning
[3]报告类文章谁是读者?怎么主语会用you?
[4]去掉,考题要求中没有提。
[5]改为:do

网友作文五:

Recruitment report

Since our company made a coorperation with the IBM,our department needs to recruit 35 new staffs, so that we could get the work done. The new staffs includes[1] project manager, accountant, translator, and client manager.

I don't think to get a Recruitment agency is good choice. Because the agency just don't understand[2] what we really want. And they all demand a great deal of money. I still think that Newspaper advertisement is the most efficient way to get people we really like[3].

Echo, as we know,sold 600000 newspapers every single day[4], and it cost $2500,for an advertisement.Chronicle, takes $2000 for an advertisement[5]. Despite[6] it less than Echo with $500,however,Chronicle just sold 200000 newspapers everyday, that far far behind Echo.

Therefore,I think Echo is a better choice.

_________________________________________
[1]矛盾了,改掉一个
[2]同上
[3]Need
[4]句子前后矛盾
[5]和前句重复
[6]Despite 是个介词

29
2010-08-27 13:53 编辑:mavis1114
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