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夫妻吵架怎么办

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就像我们经常会情不自禁地爱上伴侣的某个特点或者小怪癖──一丝狡黠的微笑,一个傻傻的笑容,或者是对方看到宠物时皱眉的样子,我们也可以开始讨厌看起来是琐碎的小事。
Just as we often fall in love with the little traits or quirks of our partner--a crooked smile, a goofy laugh or the way he or she fawns over a pet--we can fall out of love over seemingly small things
随着时间的推移,我们会越来越希望伴侣改掉某些习惯,这种不断加剧的反感情绪最终会演变成比各种琐碎的小事加在一起还要严重得多的事情。正如所有离婚律师都会告诉你的那样,把一双脏袜子扔在地板上有可能会演变成:“你听不进我的话,你不尊重我,你根本不在乎我。”
Aggravation over the little characteristics we would like to change about our mate can build up over time and become much more than the sum of their parts. As any divorce attorney can tell you, a dirty sock left on the floor has a way of turning into: "You do not listen to me, you do not respect me, you do not care about me."
不要为鸡毛蒜皮的事伤脑筋。不要自欺欺人。
Don't sweat the small stuff? Don't kid yourself.
专家们──包括婚姻顾问和专门研究婚姻为何能持久、为何会破碎问题的研究人员会告诉你,大多数的婚姻失败并非由于遭受很大的打击,比如一方失业或者家人遭遇大病。
The experts--marriage counselors and researchers who study why some marriages last while others crumble--can tell you that most unions that fail do so not because of big setbacks, such as a job loss or a sickness in the family.
密歇根大学社会研究院的心理学家和研究教授拓瑞·奥巴克表示,当夫妇遭遇这样的人生挑战的时候,实际上他们更能走到一起,彼此支持。相反,导致婚姻破碎的往往是一些看起来琐碎的小事。
"When couples experience these big challenges, they actually come together and support one another," says Terri Orbuch, a psychologist and research professor at the Institute for Social Research at the University of Michigan. "Instead, it's the seemingly small things that pull them apart."
想知道什么是惹恼对方的小事吗?不妨这样:问问你的朋友和家人,哪些问题让他们对自己的另一半感到抓狂?
Wondering exactly what constitutes a small annoyance? Try this: Ask your friends and family what drives them nuts about their spouses or significant others.
丈夫抱怨妻子格格地嚼口香糖,或者把汽车歪着停在家门口的车道上;妻子则唠叨丈夫把报纸随意扔在地板上,不愿使用玻璃杯垫,或者光着身子绕着房子大摇大摆的劣迹。
Husbands told me about wives who 'chomp' their gum or park the car crooked in the driveway, and wives griped about husbands who leave newspapers on the floor, refuse to put coasters under their drinks or walk around the house naked.
洗手间的习惯不断涌现。我已经听过无数男人女人对于马桶坐垫(上或是下)、卫生纸(卷着或者挂着),洗手池留下的头发,门背后挂着的文胸,脏兮兮的瓷砖和如何挤牙膏等等习惯的长篇大论。一位女士坚称,牙膏就是不可以从中间开始挤。
Bathroom habits came up repeatedly. I've listened to tirades from men and women about toilet seats (up or down), toilet paper (over the roll or under it), hair left in the sink, bras hanging on the back of the door, dirty tiles and toothpaste tubes. "You cannot squeeze from the middle," one woman insisted.
那么,当伴侣的习惯开始让你忍无可忍的时候,你该怎么办?
So how do you cope when your partner's habits start to push you over the edge?
制定现实的期望。
Set realistic expectations.
承认总有时候伴侣的有些事情让你不会那么满意。
Acknowledge that there are just some things that you will not like about your partner all the time.
关注积极的一面。
Focus on the positive.
奥巴克博士建议制定一个清单,写出你喜欢伴侣的10个特点,或者至少是你可以容忍的特点。她说,当你把注意力放在积极的事情上的时候,你就会有动力使事情朝着积极的方向发展。
Dr. Orbuch suggests making a list of 10 characteristics you actually adore--or at least tolerate--in your spouse. "When you turn your concentration to what is going well, it motivates you to keep going in that direction," she says.
仅就行为进行讨论,而不是伴侣的个性。
Discuss the behavior, not your spouse's personality.
这会让你的伴侣有所改变、此外,小心使用“我”而不是“你”这个字眼。(如果你说,“你总是把内裤放在洗手间地板上让我感到心烦”,就会很有帮助。反之,如果你说,“你真是邋遢得不行”,即便这是事实,也于事无补。)
This allows your partner to change. And be careful to use the word "I" and not "you". (It is helpful to say: "I get upset when you leave your underwear on the bathroom floor." It's not beneficial to say, "You are a slob," even if it's true.)
找一个合适的时间和地点讨论令人心烦的习惯。
Find the right time and place to discuss an annoying habit.
伴侣刚刚下班或者正要入睡都不是合适的时间。你可以在白天给伴侣发一封电子邮件,要求晚些时候讨论一下某个行为。
Right after work or as your spouse is drifting off to sleep is not it. You might want to send your partner an email during the day asking to discuss a certain behavior later.
准备做出让步。
Be prepared to compromise.
你妈妈没有告诉过你,你可以选择真理,也可以选择快乐吗?选择快乐吧。
Didn't your mother ever teach you that you can be right or you can be happy? Choose happy.
如果上述办法都无法达到效果,那就干脆睡觉去吧。
If all else fails, go to bed mad.
当你疲倦的时候,你会变得没有理智。到了早晨,你或许会更有真知灼见。
When you are tired you become irrational. You'll probably have more perspective in the morning.
标签:吵架 夫妻
32
2010-04-28 17:47 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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