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当感情遭遇金钱

所属:情感空间 作者:webmaster 阅读:2941 次 评论:0 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

如果你已经和伴侣结婚或是同居了,我敢保证你们曾在金钱上有过争执。感情中出现问题的一大导火索就是在金钱问题上的价值观不同、目标不一、习惯各异。金钱不能购买爱情,但它却能摧毁爱情。那么,伴侣在遇到金钱问题,或者发生争执时,该怎么办呢?
If you've ever been in a relationship for very long, especially if you were married or living together, I can almost guarantee that you've had a money fight. One of the biggest causes of problems in relationships is differences in values and goals and habits when it comes to money, and especially communication about money issues.
坐下来,谈谈有关金钱的目标和价值所在。很多夫妇经常会忽略这一点,即使它是那么地显而易见,是常识性的问题。但谈论金钱却让人感觉不舒服,所以他们不把这些重要的东西说出来,他们甚至不单独地去思考这么问题。在金钱上,他们有自己的目标和价值观,但他们却从不细想。这是错误的。因为其中一个人想节俭点,好存钱来实现将来的目标;而另一个却想着当下行乐。这差异通常是由成长经历导致的,也可能是情感上的问题。然而,这不是什么难题。只要告诉你的另一半你想坐下来,谈谈你们的将来---你们的目标和怎么共同去实现你们的目标。首先,把你们各自想要的东西都说出来---一所房子,孩子,大学经费,突发医疗基金,靓车,每年旅游一次,衣服,小配件,电脑等等。然后就开始优先排列,看看你们是否有哪些是一致的。假如你们想要的都不一样,那么给出理由是很重要的,并且要考虑一下另一半的欲望。如果那能取悦另一半,你就得那样做---这是感情好的基础所在。但感情也不是单方面的,所以你也得乐于那么做。重点是双方都要考虑,并且要找到一个双赢的解决之道,又或者是作出让步,这样才能皆大欢喜。在写目标,制定时间之前,很可能需要多次交谈,但这也正是你们最终会经历的一步。
Sit down and talk about financial goals and values. Many couples often neglect this step, even if it seems obvious and common-sensical. But because talking about finances can be uncomfortable, they leave these important things unsaid, and often don’t even think about it individually. They have goals and values when it comes to money, but they’re not examined. That’s a mistake, as one person might want to be frugal in order to save for future goals, while the other might like to spend and enjoy things now, while the getting is good. The differences often come from different upbringings, and they can be emotionally charged (see next step for more on this). It doesn’t have to be difficult, though. Just tell your partner you’d like to sit down and have a talk about the future — what your goals are and how you can work together, as a team, to achieve them. In the beginning, just start spitting out different things each of you wants — a house, kids, college education for the kids, a healthy emergency fund, nice cars, travel each year, nice clothes, gadgets and computers, etc. Then start to prioritize, and see if you can come up with things in common. If you want different things, it is important that you talk about why, and consider the other person’s desires. If that’s what makes the other person happy, you should want to make them happy — that’s the basis of a good relationship. But relationships aren’t one-sided, either, so you should be able to be happy too. The point is that both sides should be considered, and you should look for a win-win solution or compromise so that you can both be happy. It might take a few meetings to get to actual written goals, with a timeframe for each, but that’s where you want to be eventually.
交谈中要排除情绪的干扰。从你们的第一次有关金钱上的目标的谈话到之后的每周一谈(参见第五步),重要的一点是两个人都要保持冷静,不要在任何的话题上受伤或者生气,并尝试客观地看待问题。通常金钱上的问题会跟情感纠结在一起。这些情感源自于童年也好,自我防护意识也罢,都比你因为你的消费而遭受批评而受伤来得好。这些情感都与金钱问题交织在一起,重要的是你们要把它们分开来,只是处理金融目标和各自的爱好而已。首先,不要使用情绪化的,非难的,或者是激动的言语。不要责怪另一半或者是对另一半有非议。要单纯地商谈你们的金融目标,制止一个计划去实现这些目标,或拟定一种机制去处理这些目标等诸如此类的东西。还有,当另一半在谈着你的目标和爱好时,尽量不要感觉自己象是在被攻击,静下来并深呼吸,提醒自己这不仅仅是在谈论你自己而已,而是在商谈实现你们共同目标的解决之道。再一次,出发点是两个人,而不是你我间的较量。
Remove emotions from financial talk. From your first meetings about financial goals to your subsequent weekly talks (see Step 5), it’s important that the two of you stay calm, don’t get hurt or angry over any of the issues, and try to look at these issues objectively. Often financial issues are tied up in all kinds of emotional issues, stemming from childhood, from issues of security to feeling like your way is better to feeling hurt if your way of spending is criticized in any way, and much more. These emotional issues are all tangled together with financial issues, and it’s important that you untangle them and just deal with financial goals and habits. First, don’t use emotional, accusatory, or inflammatory language. Don’t blame the other person or even be negatively critical. Simply talk about your financial goals, developing a plan for getting to those goals, developing a system for dealing with finances, and so forth. Also try not to feel like you’re under attack if the other person talks about your goals or habits — let this be an open discussion, and if you feel under attack, stop and take a breath and remember that this isn’t a discussion about you personally but about how the two of you are going to meet your goals. Again, think of this as a team effort, not as a you-vs-me effort.
设法制定计划来实现你们的目标。一旦你们能找到金钱上的共同目标,你们就得有一个计划去实现你们的目标。这得考虑一下你们的收入,你们的债务,你们的存款,你们偿还债务的金额或是你们每个月的存款金额,你们是否愿意缩减在一些事物的开支来实现目标等等等等。首先每个目标都得有确切的时间限制,然后才能确定你们每个月要存多少钱(或是要还多少钱)。创建一个每月的消费计划(如果你现在还没有的话),看看你们两个能否为了目标而调整自己的消费支出。很可能你们得缩减开支,或赚更多的钱,又或是你们得把这两点都做到。也可能你们发现你们的目标不太现实,所以你们会取消这个目标,重新优先别的目标,或者是把不太现实的目标推后,以后再实现。实现目标的计划即是平衡你们日常开支和长远目标。这也是消除短期小分歧的好方法,如你得少买些鞋子,我得少购些游戏带,这样我们才能在三年内买房子,在两年内实行欧洲之旅。
Come up with a plan to meet your goals. Once you’re able to come up with common financial goals (a huge step — celebrate!), you need a plan to get you there. This will take into account your joint income, your debt, your savings, how much you can put towards debt and/or saving each month, whether you want to cut back on certain things in order to meet your savings goals, how long you want to give yourself to meet financial goals, and so forth. Start by having a definite timeframe for each goal, and then figure out how much you need to save (or pay towards debt) each month to get to your goals. Create a spending plan (if you haven’t yet) for each month, and see if you can adjust it to meet that monthly goal. You might need to cut back on some things, or earn extra income, or both. Or you might discover that your goals aren’t realistic and you need to cut back on them, reprioritize, or push them back a bit in order to meet them. This plan to meet your goals is how you will align your daily and monthly spending with your long-term goals. It’s also a great way to resolve minor short-term disputes — you should definitely buy fewer shoes, and I should buy fewer video games, so we can buy that house in three years and travel to Europe in two years.
拟定一个对两者都有益的消费机制。为了执行你们的金融计划,你们得明白如何去缴费,偿还债务,存钱,和准备日常生活开支(汽油费,生活用品费用,外出就餐费用)等等。这就涉及到谁来负责消费机制中的某一项目了(最好两个人都能分担,但你们得找到你们都能受益的最佳方法)。比如,其中一个人去银行,而另一个更新你们的机制(象点对点一样),或是确认你们的收支是否处于平衡状态。
Develop a system for finances that works for both of you. In order to put your financial plan into action, you’ll need to figure out how you’re going to pay your bills, pay debt, deposit into savings, have money for various spending needs (like gas and groceries and eating out), and so forth. Someone will have to take responsibility for each part of the system (it’s better if you’re both involved, but you should find what works best for you as a couple). One person might go to the bank while the other updates your financial program (like Quicken or Money) or your checking register to make sure you’re in balance,
开展每周金融会议。这是非常重要的,这也是很多夫妇经常忽略的一步。就因为你们有了共同的金融目标,金融计划,金融机制,并不代表你们能高枕无忧了。例如,假如一方负责管理帐目,而另一方却一无所知,那么肯定会出现问题。就我认识的夫妇中,好些都有这样的问题。一方管钱,而令一方则是盲目乐观...直到发现自己入不敷出,并将很快破产。这时,两者的关系肯定不怎么好。为了避免这种事情发生,开展每周金融会议吧,两个坐下来,好好谈谈你们的财政情况。你们可以回顾一下你们的帐目,你们的消费计划,看看接下来的几周内你们要预算做些什么,其中存在哪些问题,怎样处置你们的津贴,你们的目标已经进行到哪一步... 确保两个人都跟得上进度,并且两个人共同努力。
Have weekly financial meetings. This is very important, and it’s a step that many couples overlook. Just because you have common financial goals and a plan and a system doesn’t mean that everything is fine. If one person takes responsibility for the finances, for example, and the other is out of the loop, then there will likely be problems down the road. I’ve known several couples like this — one partner took care of the finances and the other was blissfully ignorant … until it was revealed that they were way behind on payments and would soon have to file for bankruptcy. That wasn’t a good time in their relationship. To prevent problems like this, have a weekly meeting where you sit down and talk about finances. You can review your accounts, your spending plan, what is coming up in the next few weeks that you’ll need to budget for, any problem areas, what to do with your annual bonus, where you are with your goals, and so forth. Make sure you’re both caught up on everything, and that you’re working well as a team.
最重要的,积极向上,诚实。记住,你们是一个小团队。你们有着共同的目标,你们都希望对方能快乐。团队就意味着互相帮助,相互鼓励,如果你们采取消极的态度,经常抱怨,与你们的共同目标背道而驰,那么你们这个团队肯定会解体。但假如你们态度一直积极向上,你们的团队终将取得胜利。相互鼓励,把重点放在解决问题上,而不是一味地指责对方,并且,确保你们所做的一切都是源于对彼此的爱。
Above all, stay positive and be honest. Remember: you’re a team. You have the same goals and you want each other to be happy. Team members can help each other out and encourage each other, or they can rip the team apart by being negative, by blaming, by working against common goals. If you always stay positive, you’ll succeed as a team. Be encouraging, stay focused on solutions not blame, and make sure love is the foundation of everything you do.
标签:感情 金钱 遭遇
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2010-04-21 18:34 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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