An elderly couple goes to Burger King, where they carefully split a burger and fries. A trucker takes pity on them and offers to buy the wife her own meal. "It's all right," says the husband. "We share everything." A few minutes later, the trucker notices that the wife hasn't taken a bite. "I really wouldn't mind buying your wife her own meal," he insists. "She'll eat," the husband assures him. "We share everything." Unconvinced, the trucker implores the wife, "Why aren't you eating?" The wife snaps, "Because I'm waiting for the teeth!"
Doctor: Have you taken my advice and slept with the window open? Patient: Yes. Doctor: So your asthma disappeared completely? Patient: No, but my watch, TV, iPod, and laptop have. 3A business executive visits his dear Chinese friend in the hospital. "Li kai yang qi guan," says the sick man feebly. The executive desperately wants to help him, but he doesn't speak Mandarin. "Li kai yang qi guan!" says the patient, as he draws his last breath. Later that year, the executive is in Shanghai on business when he finally learns the meaning of Li kai yang qi guan: "Get off my oxygen tube."
某商业主管去探访生病住院的中国朋友，"Li kai yang qi guan," 病人微弱地说，商业主管很想帮助他，但不知他说的什么意思。"Li kai yang qi guan," ，咽气之前，病人再次这么说。那年年末，该主管去上海出差，最后终于明白了"Li kai yang qi guan" 就是“离开氧气管”的意思。
Indians ask their new chief whether the winter will be cold or mild. Since the young chief never learned the ways of his ancestors, he tells them to collect firewood, then he goes off and calls the National Weather Service. "Will the winter be bad?" he asks. "Looks like it," is the answer. So the chief tells his people to gather more firewood. A week later, he calls again. "Are you positive the winter will be very cold?" "Absolutely." The chief tells his people to gather even more firewood, then calls the Weather Service again: "Are you sure?" "I'm telling you, it's going to be the coldest winter on record." "How do you know?" "Because the Indians are gathering firewood like crazy!"
A neighbor finds a young boy sitting on the stairs crying. "What's the matter, honey?" she asks him. "It's my father," the boy sobs. "He hit his finger with a hammer." "Then why are you crying?" "Because first I laughed!"
Wife: Honey, did you notice? I bought a new toilet brush. Husband: Yes, I did. But I still prefer the paper.
In surgery for a heart attack, a middle- aged woman has a vision of God by her bedside. "Will I die?" she asks.God says, "No. You have 30 more years to live." With 30 years to look forward to, she decides to make the best of it. So since she’s in the hospital, she gets breast implants, liposuction, a tummy tuck, hair transplants, and collagen injections in her lips. She looks great! The day she’s discharged, she exits the hospital with a swagger, crosses the street, and is immediately hit by an ambulance and killed. Up in heaven, she sees God. "You said I had 30 more years to live," she complains. "That’s true," says God. "So what happened?" God shrugs. "I didn’t recognize you."
2010-03-14 11:05 编辑：kuaileyingyu