A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for corn. The bartender says "We have no corn, get out of here." So the duck leaves. The next day he comes back and asks for corn again, and the bartender says "I told you, we don't have any corn! Get out!" So the duck leaves. The next day he goes in again and asks for corn, and the bartender says, "For the last time, we don't have corn! If you ever come back, I'm going to nail those webbed feet of yours to the floor!" So the duck leaves. The next day the duck comes and asks, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender says, "No, of course not. Why would a bar have nails?" The duck then says, "Good. Can I have some corn?
Three guys died in an accident and went to heaven. When they got there, St. Peter said, "We only have one rule in heaven. Don't step on the ducks!" So they entered heaven and sure enough, there were ducks all over the place. It was almost impossible not to step on a duck and although they tried their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally stepped on one.
Along came St. Peter with the ugliest woman he ever saw. St. Peter chained them together and said, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly woman".
The next day, the second guy stepped accidentally on a duck and along came St. Peter, who didn't miss a thing, and with him was another extremely ugly woman. He chained them together with the same admonishment as the first.
The third guy had observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, was very careful where he stepped. He managed to go for months without stepping on any duck. But one day, St. Peter came up to him with the most gorgeous woman he had ever laid eyes on. St. Peter chained them together without saying a word.
The guy remarked, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all eternity"?
She replied, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck"!
"Doctor, doctor, my wife thinks she's a duck."
"You better bring her in to see me straight away."
"I can't do that - she's already flown south for the winter."
2010-03-09 23:25 编辑：kuaileyingyu
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