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情感受伤后的嫉妒心理分析

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对配偶或者恋人的不忠肯定会使被抛弃一方心生嫉妒并造成伤害。
Cheating on a spouse or significant other is sure to cause feelings of jealousy and hurt in the spurned partner.
但是什么是他们认为的不忠行为中最恶劣的部分呢?男人和女人却给出了不同答案。男人更容易被性的背叛激怒,而大多数女人更多的因为情感的不忠而痛苦。
But men and women differ on what part of cheating they think is the worst: Men tend to be more bothered by sexual infidelity, while most women are bothered more by emotional infidelity.
对此最普遍的解释是男女在进化过程中分别扮演的独特角色,但是一项新的研究显示这种不同更多的与双方在情感关系形成的不一样的感情依属有关。
The prevailing explanation for this difference is the unique evolutionary roles played by men and women, but a new study suggests that it has more to do with the types of attachments people form in relationships.
广为流传的进化说认为男性视性背叛为更大的罪恶是因为他们在经历漫长岁月后学会了对性极度警惕——他们永远不能绝对肯定孩子源于自己的血脉。而女人为情感不忠痛苦是因为他们担心没有配偶帮助抚养后代。
The widespread evolutionary explanation posits that men rank sexual infidelity as the greater sin because over the eons they learned to be hyper-vigilant about sex, as they could never be absolutely certain that their children were actually theirs. Women, on the other hand, became more bothered by emotional infidelity, because they are concerned about having a partner to help raise their children.
一份最近的研究发现男性在身体出轨后更有负罪感,而女性则是在精神出轨后更加不安。
A recent study found that men feel guiltier after a sexual discretion, while women feel guiltier after an emotional one.
这一普遍的法的问题在于尽管研究中男性相比女性更可能认为性背叛罪大恶极,但还是有一小部分男性最不能容忍的是情感不忠,宾州州立大学的心理学家——肯尼斯▪莱维这样说道。
The problem with the prevailing idea was that while men were more likely than women to rate sexual infidelity as worse than the emotional kind in studies, there was still a small subset of men who put emotional infidelity at the top of the list, said Kenneth Levy, a psychologist at Penn State.
这一小部分似乎预示着一些不同寻常的事,莱维告诉LiveScience杂志。
This subset seemed to indicate that "there must be something else going on," Levy told LiveScience.
对别人的依属
Attachment to others
研究情感关系中的依属的莱维并没有从他的研究角度出发看待这一结果,而是开始怀疑个人怎样看待情感联系的差异可能会影响男女对不忠的看法。
Levy, who studies attachment in relationships, saw the results instead through the lens of his research and began to suspect that individual differences in how people view relationships could be affecting men's and women's views on infidelity.
莱维提及了情感联系中的两种依属关系:缺乏尊重型和安全牢靠型。一个有着缺乏尊重的依属关系的人“不会看到情感联系中的价值”,他这样解释到并把这些人说成是“极度独立,极度自我”的。或者换一种说法“我们绝大多数人珍视我们的独立,但同时也看重感情联系。而这些人只看重个人的独立,甚至排斥感情联系。”
Levy spoke of two types of attachment in relationships: dismissive and secure. A person with a dismissive attachment "doesn't see the value in relationships," he explained, describing them as "hyper-independent." Or, in other words, "most of us value our independence, but we also value our relationships. These individuals only value their independence, to the exclusion of relationships."
另一方面,那些有着安全牢靠型依属关系的人重视感情联系,并且在随之而来的互相依赖中感到舒服自在,莱维说道。
On the flip side, those with secure attachments see the value in relationships and are comfortable with the interdependency that comes with them, Levy said.
他认为前者更加视性背叛为一个问题,后者更可能为感情不忠所困。
Levy thought those with a secure attachment style might be more likely to be bothered by emotional infidelity, while those with dismissive styles would see sexual infidelity as more of problem.
性背叛VS情感不忠
Sexual vs. emotional infidelity
为了验证这种观点,莱维和他的同事克里斯滕 凯莉邀请了超过400位大学生(四分之三是女性)完成感情联系中依属关系类型的标准评估,并且询问他们什么更痛苦,是情感不忠还是性背叛。
To test this idea, Levy and his colleague Kristen Kelly had over 400 undergraduate students (about three-quarters were female) complete a standard assessment of attachment style in romantic relationships and also asked them which they would find more distressing - emotional or sexual infidelity.
这一研究的发现(具体参见最近一期的l Psychological Science期刊)印证了莱维的直觉:缺乏尊重型的男性认为性背叛更苦恼,而安全牢靠型的男性认为情感背叛更痛苦。有点令人意想不到的是,女性的情况与此一样。
The findings of their study, detailed in a recent issue of the journal Psychological Science, backed up Levy's hunch: Males with a dismissive style found sexual infidelity more bothersome, while men with a secure style rated emotional infidelity as worse. Somewhat unexpectedly, the same was found in females.
“所以看起来对性背叛的担忧是和缺乏尊重型的依属关系联系在一起的,与性别无关。”莱维这样说。
"So it seems to be that this concern about sexual infidelity seems to be tied to dismissiveness attachment whether you're a male or a female," Levy said.
然而那些缺乏尊重型的人看起来好像两种不忠都不关心,莱维注意到这种依属关系是防御性的。缺乏尊重型的人会疏远情感联系以避免自己受到伤害。莱维说,他们对于性背叛的在意说明了他们关心自己与别人的联系,但仅仅到达一种非情感的层面。
While it would seem like those with dismissive attachment styles wouldn't care about either type of infidelity, Levy notes that this kind of attachment is defensive; dismissive types distance themselves from relationships too avoid deep-seeded feelings of vulnerability. Their concern over sexual infidelity shows a concern about their connections to others, but on an unemotional level, Levy said.
莱维建议这种用依属关系解释嫉妒的模型可以代替标准的进化说模型,尽管它本身也根植于进化。依属关系是一个把人们和周围的人联系起来的机制,和他人的联系是在人类社会存活的重要本领。这种依属关系是我们从一开始与父母,与照顾我们的人的关系那里习得的,随着这种重要的关系从父母转移到朋友直至爱情,看起来它将会伴随我们一生。
Levy suggests that this attachment model of jealousy could replace the standard evolutionary one, though it is itself rooted in evolution. Attachment is a mechanism that helps people become connected to other people - an important survival technique in human society. These attachments are learned from our earliest relationships, with our parents or other caregivers, and seem to carry on through life, as our most important relationships shift from our parents, to our friends, and finally to romantic relationships.
所以成年人在各种人际关系中所展现的依属关系是从早年经验中学来的,而并不是人为安排的。
So it would seem that the attachment styles adults display in relationships were learned from early on, and not programmed in.
莱维认为,这种理解可以引出减轻因性产生的嫉妒(研究显示这种嫉妒和所有的非适应性行为都有联系)的方法,包括在在孩提时代促进安全可靠的依属关系或者让成年人更多地感觉这种依属关系带来的好处。
This understanding could point to ways of reducing feelings of sexual jealousy, "which research shows is tied to all sorts of maladaptive behaviors," by promoting secure attachment in children or exposing adults to the benefits of this kind of attachment, Levy said.
标签:情感 受伤
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2010-01-31 22:18 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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