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Penelope Trunk: 我为什么公然讨论流产

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最近,我在我的Twitter订阅源上更新了一篇日志:“我在参加董事会的时候流产了。上帝,我太感谢你了!要不然我得熬上他娘的三个星期才能在威斯康辛州堕胎。”
Recently, I updated my Twitter feed: "I'm in a board meeting. Having a miscarriage. Thank goodness, because there's a fucked-up three-week hoop-jump to have an abortion in Wisconsin."
我今年42岁,运营着一个有关职业管理的社交网站,我还有一个月访问量达50万人的博客。在Twitter上,我的订阅源是最受欢迎的订阅源之一。我在Twitter上谈论我的性生活,月经周期,甚至还有我跟警察的小小争执。对我而言,Twitter是一种用来记录发生在日常生活中最重要事情的方式。所以我从没想过这篇日志会捅出什么篓子,但它还真就发生了。
I am 42 years old and run a social networking site for managing careers, and a blog with half a million visitors a month. On Twitter, the micro-blogging site, my feed is one of the most popular around. I have tweeted about my sex life, my period, and even a minor run-in with the police. For me, Twitter is a way to make a note about the most important things that happen in the day. So, I never thought this message would cause uproar. But it did.
全世界的电视、博客和报纸都报告了我写的东西。我的博客里堆满了人们的漫骂帖。连CNN都对我进行了采访,那个新闻主持人问我:“我说,年轻的女士,你还要脸不?”我男朋友的七大姑八大姨都打电话给他,问他踹掉我没有。不过我老妈告诉我,她对我被CNN采访一事倍感骄傲,并把这事告诉了她所有的女权主义朋友。
Television, blogs and newspapers around the world reported what I had written. People posted critcisms on my blog. I was even interviewed on CNN where the news anchor asked me, "Young lady, do you have no shame?" My boyfriend's extended family called to make sure he was dumping me – although my mother told me she was proud of my CNN interview and forwarded it to all her feminist friends.
人们对我对流产的反应感到义愤填膺,但我却对他们的愤慨感到不可思议。我不清楚人们为什么会认为我对流产应表露出一种“正确”的情感。不管怎样,他们就是这么认为的。人是种复杂的感情动物,有时人们会因为没法控制自己的感情而在生死关头放声大笑。我们知道有些男人会在战斗中逃跑,有些父母打孩子是因为爱他们。怀孕时的感觉也很复杂,当我写下那段文字时我很清楚这种感觉。
People were shocked at my response to the miscarriage. But I was shocked by their outrage. I am not sure why people think there is a "correct" emotion for miscarriages. For anything, really. Emotions are complicated. Sometimes people laugh in a crisis because they can't control themselves. We know some men walk away during a fight, we know some parents hit their kids when they love them. Pregnancies, too, are complicated. Something I knew when I wrote that tweet.
我已经生了两个孩子,他们是我一生的挚爱。两个孩子一个四岁,一个7岁,他们时而胡搅蛮缠,时而嬉笑打闹,时而吓你一跳,时而聪明伶俐,而且他们看起来总想从我这得到什么---他们让我的生命感到充实和重要。我也理解流产所带来的痛苦,在我第二个孩子出生前我就有过一次流产经历,当时我觉得我的身体算是废了。我记得当给我做超声波检查的医师告诉我孩子死了时,她脸上的表情。在她张口之前我就知道发生了什么,我歇斯底里,惊恐症发作,并几近晕厥,医护人员不得不把我安排在医生办公室的一个单独房间里。好几天时间我都处于极度悲恸之中,我害怕我再也不能怀小孩了,我恨我自己为什么不试着早点把孩子生下来。
I have given birth to two children and they are the love of my life. They are four and seven years old. And they are difficult, fun, scary, smart and always seem to need something from me – they make my life feel full and important. I also understand the pain a miscarriage can cause. I had one in between having my two kids, and I thought I was never going to recover. I remember the ultrasound technician's face when she saw the baby was dead. I knew before she told me: I screamed and had to be put in a separate room at the doctor's office because I had a panic attack and nearly fainted. I was inconsolable for days. I was scared I'd never have another child. I hated myself for not trying to have children sooner.
但时过境迁,我知道这次是我自己不想要这个孩子。我这么做有这么罪大恶极吗?当我没法正常走路或是在平时工作中难以保持清醒时,我就去做了孕检。测试结果呈阳性,对此我既惊且怒,并感到自己一下子苍老不少。我打电话给我男朋友,告诉他怎么回事,他在电话那头哭了。他不想我堕胎,但我已经有了一个患有孤独症的孩子,下一个孩子患孤独症的几率几乎为90%,而且我已经42岁,这个年龄段的母亲生下患有唐氏综合症(先天愚型病)孩子的几率为1%(属高危几率),怀孕期间流产的几率超过50%。这都不是什么好数字,而且我是独自一人养家糊口。我已经知道这次怀孕伴随着巨大风险,而且如果我其中的一个孩子陷入医疗纠纷的话,这将损害我把两个孩子按照我所设想的方式带大的能力。
But this time was different. I knew I did not want the baby. Is that so bad? I had taken a pregnancy test when I couldn't do my normal run or stay awake at work. When it came back positive, I felt old, scared and angry. When I called my boyfriend to tell him, he cried. He doesn't believe in abortion. But I have a child with autism and the odds that the next child will have autism is almost 90%. The odds of a mother over 40 having a child with Down's syndrome is one in 100. The risk that a woman who is 42 will miscarry at some point in the pregnancy is higher than 50%. These are not good odds. And I'm the sole breadwinner. I already knew that the risks of this pregnancy were huge. And if I had a baby with compromised medical health, it would jeopardise my ability to care for my two kids in the way I want to.
当然,让我感到宽慰的是我可以自主决定是否堕胎,但我对人们对此的争议感到震惊。此前我已堕过一次胎,对堕胎也算有所了解,堕胎在道德上备受责难,在感情上让人感到可怕,并且通常掩盖着一层神秘色彩。
So, of course I was relieved that I didn't have to have an abortion because the decision was made for me. That this is controversial is absolutely shocking to me. I have had an abortion before. I know a few things about abortions. They are difficult morally, terrifying emotionally, and they are usually secret.
人们说我一开始就不应该怀孕。但根据美国Guttmache研究院(一家致力于推动生殖健康的非盈利组织)的调查显示,大部分去堕胎的妇女都是在做过节育措施的那个月怀的孕。而且在美国,有半数妇女到45岁时都会有意外怀孕的经历。所以没人会上杆子去流产或怀孕。
People have said that I shouldn't have got pregnant in the first place. But according to the Guttmacher Institute in the US (a not-for-profit organisation that works to advance reproductive health), most women who have abortions were on birth control the month they got pregnant. And half the women in the US will have an unintended pregnancy by age 45. So there is no single emotion for miscarriage or for pregnancy.
对我的言论指手画脚的评论家们所不愿讨论的问题是:在我所居住的威斯康辛州里,一个妇女选择堕胎的权力是如何被一点点侵蚀掉的。在美国有12个州规定妇女在接受堕胎前必须等上24小时,威斯康辛州就是其中之一。而唯一能享受到堕胎医保的诊所是Planned Parenthood诊所,而这种诊所在全州只有三个。在首次会诊之前你得等上一个半星期,而正式开始堕胎你又得等上一个半星期。对我而言,这种等待的煎熬比考虑是否应该公布我的私人信息更痛苦。
What none of the commentators of my tweet seems keen to discuss is how a woman's right to have an abortion where I live in Wisconsin has been undermined. It is one of 12 states that make women wait 24 hours before they can schedule an abortion. And the only place to get one that is covered by insurance is at a Planned Parenthood clinic, of which there are only three in the state. There is a week-and-a-half wait to get the first meeting and a week-and-a-half wait to get the abortion. To me, this is far more important than judging whether or not I should share personal information.
有些人认为在工作中讨论流产这种极为隐私的事情很不合适。为什么不行?这是一个女人人生经历的重要组成部分,这不是什么肮脏、邪恶或可耻的事情。很多女人在一生中都会有流产经历,流过产的女人才叫女人。而且大部分职场男士都有过让某个女人流产的经历。这是一种发生在几周前的经历,而不是数小时前。而且它就在工作中发生。我们在上班时间谈论死亡,暴力,以及诸如分手,灾祸,大失所望之类的情感问题,为什么我们就不能谈论流产呢?令这个话题秘而不宣会使谁受到伤害呢?
Some people say that a miscarriage is too private to discuss at work. But why? It's an important part of a woman's experience. It is not dirty or evil or shameful. A large number of women will have miscarriages in their lifetime. It's part of being a woman. And most men at the office have lived through the miscarriage of a significant other. It's an experience that happens over weeks, not hours. And it happens at work. We talk about death at work. We talk about violence at work. We talk about emotional problems such as breakups and mishaps and major disappointments. Why can't we talk about miscarriage? Who is hurt by keeping the topic taboo?
另一些人认为我不应该在Twitter上讨论自己的生活经历,但Twitter并不是一个公共论坛。那些想要阅读我文章的人必须注册后才能收到我的文章更新。而我也有权决定是否通过他们的订阅申请。而在订阅我的Twitter文章更新的人中,只有极少数人对我的流产文章表示反感。我怎么知道的?因为你随时可以取消订阅,而这么做的人只有70个。
Others say I should not have discussed my experience on Twitter, but Twitter is not a public forum. Those who want to read my tweets have to sign up to receive my updates. And I can approve or disapprove people on an individual basis. The percentage of people who subscribe to my Twitter feed who were offended by my miscarriage tweet is very small. I know because you can unsubscribe to the feed, and only about 70 did.
我相信女性的历史在某些方面可以透过语言的历史折射出来。当有更多的女人谈论她们的经历时,她们就可以争得更多改变这种经历的权力。诸如“约会强奸”和“妊娠抑郁”这类词语可以增强我们的力量和信心,因为这些词语给予我们谈论那些在我们找不到与之对应的词语时,将其深埋心底的事情的途径。我们已经有了“流产”这个词语,我们应运用它来探究那些萦绕其间的复杂问题。
I believe that the history of women can be seen, in some ways, as a history of language. The more women talk about their experiences, the more power they have to shape those experiences. Words such as date rape and antenatal depression are empowering because they give us ways to talk about issues that were hidden when we did not have the language to express them. We have a word for miscarriage. We should use it to explore the complicated issues around it.
如果你坚持要在私下里讨论流产,那你是在强迫女性重新退回到暗无天日的生活之中。如果你开始告诉女人们哪种情感应对应哪种合适的表达方式,那么你是在破坏我们所取得的进步。
If you insist on keeping the word private, you force the experience of women back into darkness. If you start telling women which media is appropriate for which emotion, you undermine the progress we make.
当我写下那篇日志时并没有想这么多,但所有这些媒体的关注使我开始更进一步的思索,我很高兴自己能思考这些问题,经过此事我变得更聪明了。
I didn't think about any of this when I wrote my tweet. But all the media attention has made me think a lot more, and I'm glad I have. I'm smarter for it.
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2009-11-08 22:21 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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