所属:生活杂谈 作者:webmaster 阅读:5172 次 评论:9 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

Best Joke in the world
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: “Just take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.” There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy’s voice comes back on the line. He says: “OK, now what?“
Second Place
夏洛克·福尔摩斯和华生医生正在进行一次野营旅行。在吃过晚饭,喝了瓶葡萄酒后,他们便躺下呼呼大睡。过了不知几个小时,福尔摩斯醒了过来并推醒他最忠诚的朋友,“华生,快看看天空,然后告诉我你能看见什么。”“我能看见数千万颗星星,福尔”华生回答。“接下来你能从中推理出什么?”华生思考了一分钟,“好的,让我逐条说明----根据天文学,说明那里可能有数百万个星系和几十亿颗潜藏的行星。--从占星学角度来说,我观察到土星的位子处于狮子座。--从钟表学上看,我推测现在的时间大约是3 点一刻。--就气象学而言,我想明天很可能是晴空万里。--神学上,我又能深深感到上帝的强大与我们的渺小,有如浮游于天地,沧海之一粟。”“那你能推理出什么呢,福尔?”福尔沉默了片刻后。“华生,你真够白痴的!”他说。“有混蛋把我们的帐篷偷走了!”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”“I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” replies Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, bulletAstronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.But what does it tell you, Holmes?”Holmes is silent for a moment.“Watson, you idiot!” he says. “Someone has stolen our tent!”
Top joke in USA 美国
Top joke in USA
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer.His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man.”The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years.”
Top joke in Canada 加拿大
Top joke in Canada
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.The Russians used a pencil.
Top joke in Australia 澳大利亚
Top joke in Australia
This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What’s WRONG with me, Doctor!?”The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain’t nothing wrong with your eyesight….”
Top joke in UK 英国
Top joke in UK
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
top Joke in England 英格兰岛
Top Joke in England
Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”
Top Joke in Wales 威尔士
Top Joke in Wales
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened. The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied “I don’t know, it all happened so fast.”
Top Joke in Northern Ireland 北爱尔兰
Top Joke in Northern Ireland
A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”.“Oh dear, what’s the bad news?” asks the patient. The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live.”“That’s terrible”, said the patient. “How can the news possibly be worse?” The doctor replies, “I’ve been trying to contact you since yesterday.”
Top joke in Belgium 比利时
Top joke in Belgium
Why do ducks have webbed feet?To stamp out fires.Why do elephants have flat feet?To stamp out burning ducks
Top joke in Germany 德国
Top joke in Germany
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: “That’s it.”
2009-10-29 23:50 编辑:kuaileyingyu