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关于老年痴呆的故事

所属:生活杂谈 作者:webmaster 阅读:3514 次 评论:3 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

作者亲眼目睹母亲陷入老年痴呆,极其诚实地讲述了一个震撼人心的动人故事。
A searingly honest and moving account by a writer who has witnessed her mother's slide into Dementia
我母亲最后一次自杀时,父亲没有打电话要救护车。他给我们三个孩子和他的两位姐妹打电话说:“这次,我让她死。你们看行吗?”我们说:“好吧”。我们好像她的行刑队成员,把这件事看得很淡。悲哀的是,二十片安定没有起作用。她的心脏强壮如牛。
The last time my mother tried to commit suicide, my father didn't even call an ambulance. He rang us three children and her two sisters, and said: "I'm letting her die this time. Are you all right with that?" We said: "Fine by us" and felt like members of her firing squad, a convenient dilution of responsibility. Sadly, 20 diazepam didn't do the trick. Her heart is as strong as an ox.
青壮年时期,母亲是位健身迷。她从不吸烟,从不喝酒,而且虔诚地遵循长寿饮食法。她滑雪,打高尔夫球,网球打得也很出色 ,还常常跑步。她永远不会坐下来看电视。我甚至没见她看过一本书,听过一次音乐。如今,关节炎把她困住了,没有支撑,她一步也走不了;她几乎不能把勺子举到嘴边。至今十年了,她一直恳求死去。
In her heyday, my mother was a fitness fanatic. She never smoked or drank alcohol, and religiously followed a macrobiotic diet. She was a skier, a golfer, a superb tennis player, a runner. She could never be bothered to sit down and watch television. I never even saw her read a book or listen to music. Now she is riddled with arthritis and can't walk a step unsupported; she can barely lift a spoon to her mouth. For 10 years now, she has pleaded to die.
我母亲,美丽迷人,重视身体,轻视思想。她没和子女或孙子女共同生活过一天,她几乎没有问过他们的考试成绩或他们自己的体育成就。她活着的目的是为了崇高的滑雪跳跃;快速完美的发球得分;一击成功的远射。对她来说,其它一切事情都是无聊的、灰暗的、模糊的。我们都知道她的晚年将变成地狱。
My mother, beautiful, beguiling, passionate about bodies, dismissive of minds. Not for a day did she live through her children or grandchildren, she barely registered their exam results or their own sporting achievements. She lived for the sublimity of the ski-jump; the sudden, perfect ace; the long drive that hits the green in one. Everything else was dull and grey, and fuzzy to her. We always knew her old age would be hell.
大约在我十岁的时候,她让我保证,如果她残废了或痴呆了,我一定要杀了她。她常说:“你知道,我不害怕死亡。但我想要绝对的死亡,我不想做活死人。
When I was about 10, she made me promise that I would kill her if ever she became either disabled or demented. She would say: "I have no fear of death, you know. But I want a dead death, not a living one."
她曾经轮流恳求我们每个人帮她安乐死,但是,我们告诉她,如果帮她安乐死,我们自己受不了,她理解这一点。因此,我们怯懦地继续自己的生活,尽力不多想她的事情。曾经有一次,她自己向医生说明,他们可以给她止疼的吗啡,只要多给一点点。但是,帮助某人减轻痛苦比冒险被消除行医资格相比要容易多少;忍受内疚要比隐藏内疚容易多少。
She has begged each of us in turn to take her to Switzerland, but we tell her that we couldn't live with ourselves if we helped her to die, and she understands that. So we cowards get on with our own lives and try not to think about her too much. There used to be a time when she could have explained herself to her doctor. They could have given her morphine for the pain, just a little too much. But how much easier it is to innure oneself to someone else's pain than to risk being struck off the medical register; how much easier it is to hide than to bear a bad conscience.
她身体最先失灵的部位是肩部。她被告知要停止体育运动,否则她的整条胳膊都将失去功能。她没理他们——她不愿像个残疾人一样活动——而如今,她甚至拿不了一支钢笔。接着,她的大腿和膝盖失灵;她的一些脚趾坏疽,不得不切除。多年来,我父亲——从他四十多岁起——就不得不帮她洗澡,带她去卫生间,然而,尽管我母亲绝食,体重减至六英石(译注:英制重量单位,一英石相当于14磅),最终父亲还是无法坚持下去,现在她在一家疗养院。
Her shoulders were the first part of her body to seize up. She was told to stop playing sport or she would lose the used of her arms altogether. She ignored them – she would not behave like an invalid – and now she can't even hold a pen. Then her hips and knees seized up; some of her toes became gangrenous and had to be amputated. For years my father – in his mid-80s – had to bath her and take her to the lavatory, but despite my mother's hunger strike and her weight falling to little over six stone, in the end he couldn't manage it and she is now in a nursing home.
我母亲独自坐在房间里。她不会和其他住客坐在休息厅,因为听到电视的噪声,她受不了。她低声呻吟;她永远感到不舒服,要么就是无助的疼痛,不仅因为关节炎,还因为小腿溃疡和褥疮。护士鼓励她听听音乐或录音书。“我讨厌音乐,”她说,“我讨厌故事。”她整天看着身边的钟,向我们形容每五分钟如何拖得那么漫长。多年来,她吃了各种各样的抗抑郁药,但是,这对她都没用——为什么呢?她会突然醒过来说:“嗨,我从来没有意识到坐着的生活能够多么有趣!”
My mother sits alone in her room. She won't sit in the lounge with the other residents, because she can't bear to hear the noise of the television. She whimpers; she is permanently in discomfort if not abject pain, not only from her arthritis but from leg ulcers and bedsores. The nurses encourage her to listen to music or an audio book. "I hate music," she says, "I hate stories." She spends her days watching the clock beside her, and describes to us how each five minutes drags like an eternity. For years she has taken a variety of antidepressants but they don't touch her – why should they? Will she suddenly wake up and say, "Hey, I never realised what fun a sedentary life could be!"
昨天,当我握着母亲的手,试图在她茫然、渴望的眼睛里找到生气时,她突然说:“这些护士要杀我。他们企图给我一个冠状动脉。你父亲也是阴谋的参与者。你知道,他想和你姨妈结婚。”
Then yesterday, while I was holding my mother's hand and trying to find life in her blank, anxious eyes, she suddenly said: "The nurses are trying to kill me. They're trying to give me a coronary. And your father's part of the plot, too. He wants to marry your aunt, you know."
这么多年来,一直看着她如此痛苦,而这是我第一次崩溃。昨天,我失去了她,这一天,我的老母亲走了。痴呆症的发作没有预兆,也没有哀悼。尽管她的生命悬在地狱的边缘,我对她和我将要经历的反应也是一样:没有结束的可能性,今后多少年也没有可能性。
In all of these years of watching her suffering so much, this was the first time I broke down. Yesterday was the day I lost her, when my old mother passed away. But the onset of dementia invites no ceremony, no grieving. While her life hangs in limbo, so does my response to what she, and I, are going though: there is no possibility of closure, nor might there be for many years to come.
今天,我相当确定:吃、喝、快乐,不然,明天你也许会死。
Today, I am quite determined: eat, drink and be merry, or tomorrow you might not die.
标签:故事 老年 痴呆
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2009-10-27 21:18 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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