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【沪江网校版】2011年12月英语六级作文范文

所属:四六级英语 阅读:2213 次 评论:0 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]
 

The Way to Success

Success is something everyone looks for, longs for and dies for. But have you ever considered what success is? Some may hold that success means one has beautiful life, like pretty house, cool cars and great power. It’s indeed one way to define success. But to me, success is doing something one really feels like doing.
To achieve this kind of success, one has to bear in mind three essential prerequisites, namely knowing where your interest really lies in, possessing the strong will to pursue your interest and having the diligence to realize your dream. In other words, they are “what” “why” and “how” of success. It’s really luckily good for one, especially for the younger generation of today to find their dreams, follow them and in the end, make them come true and become successful.
Although it’s never easy to succeed, progressing with the strong will and diligence towards the right direction, you’ll be the one.

【作文解析】
这是一篇议论文。作者首先提出问题”what is success?”,但并没有在这个问题上着更多的笔墨,而是直接引出了自己的观点:success is doing something one really feels like doing. 算是立意较为新颖的地方。随后在第二段对这种成功背后的三种必要条件做出了阐述。整体看,行文流畅,用语规范地道。

本篇亮点:
1. 排比词组或句子的运用:
Success is something everyone looks for, longs for and dies for.
…namely, knowing where your interest really lies in, possessing the strong will to pursue your interest and having the diligence to realize your dream.
2. bear in mind
3. lie in
4. strong will to pursue your interest

本文有待提高之处:
1. 文中人称有些混乱。有些使用第二人称代指读者,有些又以第三人称指代,建议统一。
2. 结构上,一般情况下我们建议考生使用典型的“三段式”,即,提出问题、分析问题、解决问题。该作者基本上遵循了这个原则,但第三段更多的却是重复了第二段的中心思想,并没有起到很好的总结作用。如果第三段,作者可以与第一段的“成功定义”相呼应,例如:即使没有这些身外之物,但心灵上的满足,梦想的实现,才是我心中成功的本质。

整体看,文章在语言表达和立意上还不错。但在文章结构上有些松散,有待提高。

2
2011-12-17 17:30 编辑:甯老师
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