When you came into the world, she held you in her arms. You thanked her by wailing1) like a banshee2).
When you were 1 year old, she fed you and bathed you. You thanked her by crying all night long.
When you were 2 years old, she taught you to walk. You thanked her by running away when she called.
When you were 3 years old, she made all your meals with love. You thanked her by tossing your plate on the floor.
When you were 4 years old, she gave you some crayons3). You thanked her by coloring the dining room table.
When you were 5 years old, she dressed you for the holidays. You thanked her by plopping4) into the nearest pile of mud.
When you were 6 years old, she walked you to school. You thanked her by screaming, “I’M NOT GOING!”
When you were 7 years old, she bought you a baseball. You thanked her by throwing it through the next-door-neighbor’s window.
When you were 8 years old, she handed you an ice cream. You thanked her by dripping it all over your lap.
When you were 9 years old, she paid for piano lessons. You thanked her by never even bothering to practice.
When you were 10 years old, she drove you all day, from soccer to gymnastics to one birthday party after another. You thanked her by jumping out of the car and never looking back.
When you were 11 years old, she took you and your friends to the movies. You thanked her by asking to sit in a different row.
When you were 12 years old, she warned you not to watch certain TV shows. You thanked her by waiting until she left the house.