1.I dressed my dog up as a cat for Halloween. Now he won't come when I call him.
2.Everyone at the company I worked for dressed up for Halloween. One fellow's costume stumped us. He simply wore slacks and a white T-shirt with a large 98.6 printed across the front in glitter. When someone finally asked what he was supposed to be, he replied, "I'm a temp."
3.My wife walked into a coffee shop on Halloween to find the woman behind the counter with a bunch of sponges pinned to her uniform
"I'm assuming this is a costume," said my wife. "But what are you supposed to be?"
The waitress responded proudly, "I'm self-absorbed."
4. My six-year-old son was excited about his Halloween costume. "I'm going to be the Pope," he said.
"Ian, you can't be the Pope," I said. "You're not Catholic. You're Lutheran."
Ian hadn't thought about that. So he considered his alternatives. After a few minutes, he asked, "Is Dracula a Lutheran?"
5.Last Halloween a civilian friend had me pick up his son from day care on the way home from my base. Signing him out, I felt something press against my back. I turned to see him painting on my camouflage uniform. "What are you doing?" I cried. "I like your tree costume," the boy replied innocently. "But you need some red and yellow leaves."
6.Last year my daughter and her children were invited to a Halloween party. Her older son wanted to go as Count Dracula; her daughter, as a ballerina; her younger son, as the cabin boy in Treasure Island. Then my daughter donned her own costume, wrapping herself in strips of white sheeting. At the party she collapsed, exhausted, on the sofa.
“And who are you?” someone asked her.
“I’m a tired mummy,” my daughter said.
7.For Halloween, my grandson wanted to be “The Incredible Hulk.” Using food coloring and a washcloth, my daughter dyed his hands, face, neck and blond hair the green shade of the TV monster.
After his bath the next morning, a faint green tint still remained. As my grandson was going out the door to school, he handed his mother a slip of paper he had forgotten to give her earlier. My daughter quickly opened the note.
School pictures were going to be taken that day.
8.As firefighters, we are required to wear our full bunker gear on all safety calls, even to advise homeowners of a county ordinance against burning leaves after dark. Last Halloween, two co-workers waited on the porch of one such offending household, helmets in hand, until a woman finally opened the door. Promptly dropping a candy bar into each helmet, she remarked, “You boys are a little old for this sort of thing, aren’t you?” and closed the door.
9.The last thing my friend Christy was prepared for was an invitation to a costume party. Eight and a half months pregnant, she was in no shape for any conventional costume. Still, she wanted to go, so she painted a big yellow circle on an extra-extra-large white T-shirt, dug a pair of red devil horns out of her kids’ Halloween junk pile … and went as a deviled egg