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张培基英译中国现代散文选--10 梦

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 梦
巴金

据说“至人(1)无梦”。幸而我只是一个平庸的人。我有我的梦中世界,在那里我常常见到你。昨夜又见到你那慈祥的笑容了。

 还是在我们那个老家,在你的房间里,在我的房间里(2),你亲切地对我讲话。你笑,我也笑。还是成都的那些旧街道,我跟着你一步一步地走过平坦的石板路,我望着你的背影,心里安慰地想:父亲还很康健呢。一种幸福的感觉使我的全身发热了。

我那时不会知道我是在梦中,也忘记了二十五年来的艰苦日子。在戏园里,我坐在你旁边,看台上的武戏(3),你还详细地给我解释剧中情节。我变成二十几年前的孩子了。我高兴,我没有挂虑地微笑(4),我不假思索地随口讲话。我想不道我在很短的时间以后就会失掉你,失掉这一切。然而睁开眼睛,我只是一个人,四周就只有滴滴的雨声。房里是一片黑暗。没有笑,没有话语。只有雨声:滴——滴——滴。我用力把眼睛睁大,我撩开蚊帐,我在漆黑的空间中找寻你影子。但是从两扇开着的小窗,慢慢地透进来灰白色的亮光,使我的眼睛看见了这个空阔的房间。没有你,没有你的微笑。有的是寂寞、单调。雨一直滴——滴地下着。我唤你,没有回应。我侧耳倾听,没有脚声。我静下来,我的心怦怦地跳动。我听见自己的心的声音。我的心在走路,它慢慢地走过了二十五年,一直到这个夜晚。我于是闭了嘴,我知道你不会再站到我的面前。二十五年前我失掉了你。我从无父的孩子已经长成一个中年人了。雨声继续着,长夜在滴滴声中进行(5)。我的心感到无比的寂寞。怎么,是屋漏么?我的脸颊湿了。小时候我有一个愿望:我愿在你的庇荫下(6)做一世的孩子。现在只有让梦来满足这个愿望了。 至少在梦里,我可以见到你,我高兴,我没有挂虑地微笑,我不假思索地随口讲话。 为了这个,我应该感谢梦。

Dream
Ba Jin

It is said that “a virtuous man seldom dream”. Fortunately, I am but an ordinary man. I dream my own dream, in which I often meet you. Last night I again saw your kindly smiling face.

It was the same old home of ours. You talked to me cordially now in your room, now in my room. You smiled and I also smiled. It was the same old streets of Chengdu. I followed you step by step on the smooth flagstones. Looking at you from behind, I inwardly consoled myself with the thought that father was still hale and hearty. A sensation of blissfulness warmed me up all over.

I was unaware that I was in a dream. I also forgot the hardships I had gone through during the past 25 years. While I sat beside you inside a theater watching the fighting scenes of Peking opera, you explained its story to me in great detail. I was again the small kid of 25 years before. I was joyful, I smiles, I chattered away freely. I did not have the slightest inkling that you together with everything else would in a moment vanish out of sight. When I opened my eyes, I found that I was all by myself and nothing was heard except the pit-a-pat of rain drops. No more smile, no more chitchat. Only the drip drip drip of rain. Forcing my eyes to open wider and drawing aside the mosquito net, I began to search for you in the pitch darkness. A greyish light, nevertheless, edged in through two small windows to enable me to see the spacious room. You and your smile were no more. Only loneliness and monotony remained. The rain kept pitter-pattering. I called to you, but no response. I listened attentively, but heard no footsteps. I quieted down, my heart beating hard. I could hear its thumping. My heart had been tramping along all the time. Up to now, it had been on its slow journey for 25 years. Thereupon I kept my mouth shut. I knew you would never appear standing before me. I had lost you 25 years before. Since then, I had grown from a fatherless child into a middle-aged man. The rain continued to fall. The long night wore on amidst its dripping sound. I was seized with acute loneliness. Well, was the roof leaking? Or was it my tears that had wetted my cheeks? When I was young, I wished I could remain a kid forever under your wing. Now I can fulfil this wish only in my dreams. There in a dream, I can at least come face to face with you. I can be happy, I can smile naive smiles, I can chatter away freely. For all this, I should be thankful to my dreams.

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2011-10-20 22:27 编辑:Day_Day_Up1990
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