在线词典,在线翻译

雅思小作文评析

所属:雅思 阅读:2779 次 评论:0 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

小编摘要:通过学习别人小作文的优缺点来使自己的小作文更加完善是一个很好的方法。下面来让我们看一看这篇雅思小作文。

The graph below shows annual water usage (in millions of cubic meters) by industries in Somecountry. Write a report for a university tutor describing the information shown.

You should write at least 150 words.

Water usage bar-graph

The bargraph(bar graph) describes the water usage for every year in Somecountry in millions of cubic meters.

The water usage(这个应该放在第一段,描述总趋势) are(is) shown in two trends(two sources of water) , ground water and public supply. Fuel and textiles are the ones that uses the least water, 10 of public supply and 70 and 80(没有指明数量70和80到底是谁的数量,也没有写单位) of ground water. Machinery are(is) just the opposite of these two and has(consumes) 10 of ground water and 100 of public supply.
Food/drinks, metal, paper and chemicals are all(all use) over 100 of ground water where chemicals peaks at dramaticllydramaticlly high level of) 430. The highest number of water usage of public supplies also belongs to chemicals (240). Next on the list is food/drinks with 190, the others are under 100.

Overall, the chemical industry uses a lot more water then the rest of the industries in terms of both ground water and public supplies, and in general most industries use ground water by far more than public supplies.

这篇小作文正确描述了趋势。但是单位以及数量词遗漏比较严重,尽量要多用连接词,从而使得文章结构更加流畅,语法方面也有缺憾。

标签:雅思 IELTS
0
2011-09-30 10:45 编辑:htt0724
分享到:
关注海词微博:
发表评论:
表达一些您的想法吧!已有0条评论>>
登录,再发表评论
文明上网,理性发言!
您可能还感兴趣的文章:
  • [雅思]雅思名师各个击破-写作扣分的语言习惯硬伤

    一、英语重结构,汉语重语义 我国著名语言学家王力先生曾经说过:“就句子的结构而论,西洋语言是法治的,中国语言是人治的。”(《中国语法理论》,《王力文集》第一卷,第35页,山东教育出版
  • [雅思]不用“题海战术” 雅思写作也能拿高分

    在雅思考试的听说读写四门科目中,大多数考生最担心的莫过于写作了,时常会出现投入精力最多、耗费时间最长、考试分数最低的现象,这往往和考生备考方式不合理有关。在雅思写作备考中,考生比较
>>精华推荐阅读
热门评论文章