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雅思6分作文评析(3)

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小编摘要:雅思6分对于部分烤鸭们是跨不去的坎,但是这真的是那么难以逾越的吗?让我们来看看这篇6分作文吧。

People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge).
Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Many people attend to university or collage(attend university or college) after their high school years for several reason which they choose by them self(on their own). I believe the most reason that why people attend university or college (不要在一段里重复出现同一个表达方式 ) to have new experiences on life , to prepare for career, and to increase their knowledge of their personality on life.


Firstly, many people attend to university or collage(college,又出现这个表达方式) to have new experience on life. Many students leave their home and move to live by them self when they go to university. This is the first time that they had to create resolution by them self(by themselves)  without their parents help. Creating resolution will increase their knowledge of themselves. Moreover, students on(of) the university can meet different students from different nationalities and religions so students can learn about different culture(cultures) around the world.

Secondly, many people go to university or collage to prepare for career. Career training is becoming more important nowadays to young people than old people. At collage, students learn many skills about the real career life and they intern to(enter an) internship with a lot of chances. All of these things(避免在ielts考试中出现thing) prepare them for the career life.


Also, students attend to university or collage to increase their self-knowledge of their personality on(in) life. They attend for that to(so that they could) increase their knowledge in subject which they find interesting. For example, many students study science because they are interest(interested) in science but they work on the business area(in that kind of business).


To sum up, I think people should not only focus on a career when they go to university or collage. They have to follow to have new experience and knowledge about their personality and the huge world around them which they live in.

这篇文章需要改动的地方比较多,有很多语法错误,包括介词的错误使用和不精确的表达方式。有很多反复出现的词句,在雅思考试中应当避免。要保证用词的多样性。这篇文章完成了题目的要求,也在段与段之间用了连词,但是用的都比较基础。


 

标签:雅思 IELTS
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2011-09-15 18:42 编辑:htt0724
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