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雅思6分作文评析(1)

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小编摘要:雅思作文分不在高,6分就行的思想恐怕很多烤鸭们都有。那么怎样的作文才是压线作文呢?让我们来看一看这篇作文,考生可以对照自身,尽量避免出现红色标识的错误哦。

Most high level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 percent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women.


The inequality between men and women is always a significant issue in their(our) society. Besides that(Besides), it is undeniable that most vital positions in companies are taken by male not female. Therefore, there exist a statement(It can be argued) that companies should allocate to women a certain number of these positions. However, I do not totally agree with this requirement.


In some feudal countries, it was true to say that the society favour(favours) the male, and at that time the inequality occurred extremely. Up to the present moment, it stills to happen(it still happens)in some developing countries; also it is greatly involved to women's right (confusing expression). A huge number of women in these countries are not allowed to go to work or even go to public place(public places). In this case, this is not an individual issue, but it is a(a) social problem. The governments should have some solution to react with(handle) this tendency, and at the same time they should promulgate a new legislation to protect women’s right(rights).


On the other hand, the global economy is developed rapidly nowadays. In most corporations, they do not(management does not) distinguish men or women; they only focus on working efficient. In this world, any employees who own enough abilities and work in an effective way, that person will(can) be promoted to a high(higher) position. Therefore, allocating for women the high level positions in companies is not necessary. Moreover, the evidence of women takes place in an essential position cannot count by fingers(are countless) . Those women are very successful in their work and their lives.


In conclusion, although the inequality between men and women is improved, it still is a social issue worth to concern(a thought). Personally, in my opinion we should create many opportunities for women to have an equal life as we can.


该文章需要多加修改。结构相当不错,段落流畅。可以完成题目要求,很善于用连词。但是语法以及一些不清晰的表达也要多加注意。

 

标签:雅思 IELTS
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2011-09-15 12:14 编辑:htt0724
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