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雅思5分作文评析(2)

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小编摘要:好的雅思作文各有各的不同,不好的雅思作文大抵相同。烤鸭们不仅要吸取好作文的精髓,也不能忽略5分作文出现的一些问题,因为可能你一不小心就会犯和他们一样的错误哦。

Without capital punishment our lives are less secure and crimes or violence increase. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Committing serious crimes need capital punishment so that the offender(offenders) unable to involved in the crime in the future. However, If (if 大小写一定不能出错)they want to stop the violated act in the future then it would better to forget him and judge him for a change.(confusing sentence) .

Overall, I agree with the fact that punishment is the way to avoid the crime to be increased(crime being increased; avoid doing sth)  and hence our lives become more secure. If the wrongdoer wants to be a good man(person, 在这里指人的话用person,不要出现性别指代词,注意用词客观) and there is some financial or personal problem that led him to the wrong way, then it would be the nice option to forgive him and try to solve the problem he have(has). Although by this way, some bad man(person,理由同上)may become effective part(members)  of the society but some do not bring themselves to the right path because they are very much used to of it(表达不清楚). The person that involved in the crime and never try(tries) to stop the law-breaking act should be punished in the(an) extremely serious way. However, it totally depends on the nature of crime. Some crime(crimes) led to capital punishment and some may require small penalty. The law-making institutions are responsible to bring the bad man to the right level of punishment that he deserves. If there is weak legislation to properly handle the offender, it may become our society less secure for the good(it may mean that our society become less secure )for the good man(people). The government should be responsible authority to provide secure and better state to live. Laws should be implemented and executed in the most proper way that do(does) not allow the offender to commit violence act or to break the law in any way or extent. To sum up, it is the responsibility of the state runner(runner去掉) to stop people to(from getting)  involved in crime. It may be done through solving the problems of the people that led them to commit violence(violent) act or by the punishment accordingly.

这篇文章呈交给考官的时候连段落也没有分。之前一篇5分作文也没有分段落。可见不分段落的后果是严重以及惨痛的。整体来说这篇文章还是比较有内容的,但是错误不少。所以烤鸭们有时候不要因为想多写字数而忽略了拼写和语法检查。

标签:雅思 IELTS
1
2011-09-06 14:19 编辑:htt0724
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