在线词典,在线翻译

苦苦等待Mr. Right还是勉强接受Mr.All Right

所属:情感空间 作者:Andrea Sachs 阅读:6013 次 评论:11 条 [我要评论]  [+我要收藏]

小编摘要:在这个人人都担心自己被剩下的年代里,我们是随便找个男人结婚,还是意志坚定要找到自己的白马王子呢?婚恋问题是当下的热门,改变心态,从此不再做剩女!

Is It Time to Stop Waiting for Mr. Right? 是不是不该再傻傻等待Mr.Right的出现了?

Do women sabotage themselves by waiting for Prince Charming to sweep them off their feet? Is it time to stop pining for Mr. Right and start considering Mr. All Right? Journalist and NPR commentator Lori Gottlieb raises these questions and others in her new book, Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough (Dutton). TIME senior reporter Andrea Sachs discussed the dating scene with Gottlieb. 

到底是坚持要找到自己的“心动男生”,还是就找个勉强可以过日子的男人?下面我们就来看看这段精彩的访谈。

Q: What's your definition of settling? 你觉得什么是“定下来”?

A: Our culture views anything less than the perfect man to be settling, and so it's used ironically in the title. I do not advocate settling for somebody that you don't have passion and connection with. I'm saying he may be shorter than you imagined, he may be skinnier than you imagined, he may not meet every criterion on your checklist. That's what a lot of women consider settling. There was a study done that asked, If a guy had 80% of what you are looking for, would you marry him? And most women said no. A guy is a package deal, as are you. Many women throw out the guy because they don't like a part of the package. We're all flawed human beings. Recognizing that isn't settling. 

可能你遇到的那个TA比你想象中要矮,可能太瘦了,也许不太符合你的理想标准。有一项调查说如果一个男人满足你80%的要求,你会嫁给他吗?大部分的女生们都说:不会!很多女生会因为一个男人的某一个点不符合她们的要求,就不要这个男的了。但是怎么说呢,我们都是人,人无完人啊!

Q: Are women pickier than men?  女人比男人更挑剔吗?

A: When I asked men and women what they wanted in a partner, men were far more open-minded. They mostly talked about finding someone cute enough, kind, warm and interesting enough to talk to. Women got absurdly specific — he has to be successful but not a workaholic. He has to know how to order wine in a restaurant. He has to be stylish but not too into fashion in a feminine way. And the lists went on and on. Women seem to want one-stop shopping — a guy who's going to be her best friend, share all of her interests, stimulate her intellectually and sexually and connect deeply with her on every level. Men seemed more willing to accept that they may get certain things from their friendships, other things from their work colleagues and still others from their spouses. Guys don't care if you don't want to hear about the baseball game, but women might be disappointed if the guy doesn't want to hear the details of her book-club discussion. It gets to a point where no guy measures up, because no one human being can be everything to anyone.

男人们对另一半的要求更加宽泛,要可爱,热心,善良,谈得来。女的就比较具体:要是个成功人士,但是不能是工作狂。他要知道怎么在餐厅里点杯红酒等等。

如果女人们不喜欢听他们讲球赛,男人们不会介意。相反,如果男人们不喜欢听女的聊心事,她们就会觉得不开心。

Q: You write about women in their 20s having more power. What do you mean by that? 你说二十岁的女人们最有power,这是指什么呢?

A: Women in their 20s have the most power in that they're at the top of the totem pole in the dating hierarchy. They're the most desired age group biologically — in terms of childbearing ability, in terms of their appearance and also just in their attitude. When you're in your late 20s, you feel very confident and very on top of the world, and you haven't become jaded by being out there dating for 15 years. I'm not saying this to scare women, but I just think people need to be aware of it, because when you are in your late 20s, you think, Oh, even when I'm 38, someone will see how special and charming and lovely I am. And they might, but it's going to be a lot easier when you are 28 if you give the really good guys that are available to you a chance. Because those guys are going to be married by the time you are 38.

二十几岁是女人们的黄金年龄。你自己都会觉得很自信,感觉很棒!你会想,如果我到了38岁得时候,也许就没有那么大的魅力了。

Q: How did writing this book change you and your own situation? 
写这本书带给你什么改变吗?

There's a short bald guy with a bow tie on the cover, emblematic of what happened to my dating life. There was a guy on Match.com that I didn't even want to e-mail because he was wearing a bow tie in his profile, and I said, What kind of dork wears a bow tie? And then I thought his career sounded boring because it said he was in real estate. I just made all these assumptions. I think a lot of us do that, whether it's online or in the real world. So Evan, my dating coach, really encouraged me to e-mail this guy because of the other things that were good about his profile. I did, and I ended up really connecting with him and we ended up dating for a few months. I was very, very happy in that relationship. What I did learn was that I can be genuinely attracted to people that I make assumptions about, and it's really helped me to not do that because I never would have ended up in a relationship with this guy. I was hugely bummed when it ended. Still am.

我在一个网站上看到一个男的,各方面条件看上去都不太给力,可是之后我也找到了他的闪光点。所以我觉得,人是要接触了之后才会知道对方到底是不是合适自己,不能太主观地就给别人贴标签。

标签:剩女 结婚 NPR TIME
32
2011-09-01 14:21 编辑:Fionafyy
分享到:
关注海词微博:
发表评论:
表达一些您的想法吧!已有11条评论>>
登录,再发表评论
文明上网,理性发言!
最新评论:
您可能还感兴趣的文章:
>>精华推荐阅读
热门评论文章