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小编摘要:想知道在这个世界上是什么导致那么多的男女关系破裂吗? 这一切是分三步发生的......

Want to know what causes the dissolution of far too many relationships in this world?

想知道在这个世界上是什么导致那么多的男女关系破裂吗?

 

男女关系破裂

 

As a best-selling author and motivational coach, I can tell you how it goes in three acts:

Act I: You hurt me.

Act II: Because you hurt me, I hurt you.

Act III: You hurt me even more because I just hurt you, so I hurt you even more. Then you hurt me; then I hurt you; then you hurt me because I just hurt you, so I hurt you more, etc. …

身为一个畅销书作者和一名励志培训师,我可以告诉你这一切是如何分三步发生的:

第一步:你伤害了我。

第二步:因为你伤害了我,我也来伤害你。

第三步:你对我的伤害更深,因为我刚刚伤害了你,那现在我也要对你造成更深的伤害。然后,你伤害我;我伤害你;然后你再伤害我因为我刚刚伤害了你,那现在我也要对你造成更深的伤害,不停地这样循环……

The point: It’s easy to act cold/hurtful to someone who you feel has said or done something you perceive as cold/hurtful to you.

关键:如果你认为对方说了或者做了一些在你看来冷漠/伤感情的话或事,那么,说或者做一些冷漠/伤感情的话或事还以颜色,是再容易不过的事了。

But that’s the point. That’s the easy thing to do.

可这也正是我想说的。这样做毫不费力。

It takes effort to consciously, openly, bravely, warmly speak up about the hurt you feel before things spiral negatively downward.

在事情快速走下坡路之前,有意识地、坦率地、勇敢地,同时亲切地说出你感受到的伤害,则需要不少努力。

Yes, it takes effort to take the high road and to express your vulnerabilities and concerns with warmth and candor. But this effort is worth it because love and connection are your true sources for happiness—not money, not shoes, not sports cars...and definitely not the satisfaction of being right about someone or something.

是的,想走正确的路,要亲切而又直率地表达你脆弱的一面以及你关心的事情确实需要付出努力。但这些努力是值得的,因为爱和两人的关系是你幸福的真正源泉——不是金钱、鞋子、跑车……更不会是因为你对某人或某事的感觉是对的而带来的满足感。

So next time someone you care about does something that you feel isn’t very caring at all—put in the brave effort and kill that relationship monster while it’s still small.

那么,下次如果你在乎的人做了一些你觉得非常漠然的事时,鼓起勇气,把破坏两人关系的魔鬼扼杀在摇篮里。

With this in mind, here are some helpful communication tips to keep in mind:

记住以上这些,下面有一些有用的沟通技巧:

1. Pick the right time, the right place. Do you have at least 30 minutes of uninterrupted time ahead? Are you in a place where your partner feels like he or she can talk openly and not self-consciously? In general, the best place to talk is at home alone, where you can sit facing each other, with good strong eye contact. Many psychologists even suggest holding hands as you talk—to keep a warm connection ongoing through all the bumps in the conversation.

1 挑选合适的时间和地点。你们接下来有没有至少半个小时不受干扰的时间?你们是不是在一个你的伴侣愿意开诚布公,而不感到难为情的地方?一般来说,两人独自在家是最好的,因为在家里,你们可以面对面地坐着,保持良好的眼神交流。许多心理学家甚至建议:在交谈中时相互握着对方的手,这样在交谈遇到问题的时候,两人可以保持一种融洽的关系。

2. Before you begin a difficult conversation, make it very clear to your partner that your goal is to create the best relationship possible. Admit you recognize talking about difficult subjects can be uncomfortable, but you’d rather have a difficult conversation now, than a decaying, untruthful, less intimate relationship later. Remind your partner how much you value him or her. Compliment your sweetie on a few qualities you appreciate. In general, be 100 percent certain your partner completely understands and believes your goal in talking is to increase the love.

2 在开始艰难的对话之前,你要向你的另一半明确一点:你的意图是尽可能营造两人最良好的关系。向对方承认,谈论这些别扭的话题会让人感到不舒服,但你宁愿进行一次别扭的对话,也不愿意在以后的日子里面对每况愈下,虚伪和不再亲密的关系。提醒你的另一半:对方在你心里的位置很重要;称赞对方身上你欣赏的种种优点。总而言之,你要百分之百确定你的伴侣完全明白你的用意,并相信你想通过谈话增进相互之间的爱。

3. If you are upset at your partner for something specific, try not to generalize by saying “You always do this. You always say that.” Generalizations will only escalate your partner’s emotional state because they’re vaguer and less believable. And psychologists all agree it’s best to limit your talk to the one specific recent event that is bugging you and make past offenses not admissible evidence.

3 如果你对另一半的某个具体方面不满意,尽量不要一言概之,不要说“你老是这样,你总是那么说”。概括只会让你伴侣的情绪愈发激动,因为这些言语太含糊不清,可信度不高。所有心理学家都同意一点:如果最近有一个具体的事件一直让你很恼火,那就把谈话限定在这件事上,不要重提旧事。这样做的效果才是最好的。

4. Be conscious of trying to begin as many of your sentences with “I” as you can. Likewise, try not to begin your sentences with “You.” The goal: Own your feelings. Don’t slander your partner. For example, try to say something like: “I feel like you were ignoring me yesterday—and I was hurt because I needed your warmth after my proposal was rejected at the office,” instead of “You are cold, heartless, and don’t offer me an ounce of support.”

4 在说话时,要注意尽量以“我”开始你的话。同样道理,避免用“你”来开始一句话。目标:控制自己的感觉。不要中伤你的另一半。比如说,要尽量说“我觉得你昨天不理我让我很受伤,因为我在工作中的提议被否定后,需要你的安慰。”而不是说“你冷漠无情,没心没肺,一点儿都不支持我。”

5. Create an obvious upside to talking, so you and your partner will want to talk again. In other words, be sure to close the conversation by consciously listing all the positive things you learned thanks to talking. Make a specific list of all the new actions you both will try to do to keep your relationship as strong and loving as possible.

5 给交谈作一个正面的评价,这样你们两人以后就会乐意再次交谈。也就是说,在谈话结束时,一定要列出你从这次交谈中收获到的所有积极的东西,为了让两人的关系尽可能地牢固和充满爱意,把你们愿意尝试的具体新举措一一列出。

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2011-05-13 10:12 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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  • favour 说:

    这些沟通技巧有必要吗?爱是坦诚相待,是不遮不掩,是宽容,是体贴

    2011-05-13 12:51 回复 支持(0) 反对(3) 沙发
    • nxcxz 说:

      No offence, but I guess you either have never been in a long term love relationship or didn't really understand this article.

      2011-05-14 09:30 回复 支持(0) 反对(0)
    • 与人相处要很多技巧的,一不小心就会伤害了别人,特别女生比较敏感,爱人也是人

      2011-05-15 13:06 回复 支持(0) 反对(0)
  • 没有交流的感情经不住时间的摧残......

    2011-05-16 15:52 回复 支持(0) 反对(0) 板凳
  • 叶也 说:

    想要没有男女关系破裂吗,有种就别结婚

    2011-05-17 21:27 回复 支持(0) 反对(0) 地板
  • lcl910 说:

    不谈恋爱最好。

    2011-05-18 08:58 回复 支持(1) 反对(0) 4 楼
  • 小木筏 说:

    i think when you love enough, you will have a good communication with your lover spontaneously. and i feel that love of injury,not the true meaning of love.
    meantime, i love the sentence ——“So next time someone you care about does something that you feel isn’t very caring at all—put in the brave effort and kill that relationship monster while it’s still small.”

    2011-05-18 09:25 回复 支持(0) 反对(0) 5 楼
  • 哈 就是这样

    2011-05-28 05:56 回复 支持(0) 反对(0) 6 楼
  • I hope so and I want to try --“So next time someone you care about does something that you feel isn’t very caring at all—put in the brave effort and kill that relationship monster while it’s still small.”

    2011-06-19 00:45 回复 支持(0) 反对(0) 7 楼
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