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老外甩掉中国女友的方法

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小编摘要:一个老外介绍了他如何甩掉中国女友!

Dear Miss Shiok! and your readers:


亲爱的Shiok!和Shiok的读者们:


I had a nerve-wracking time reading your latest article about the Western moron who cheated on his Chinese wife and subsequently got himself pretty roughed up by her paid muscle. It brought back too many memories, and also some sympathy, since it was obvious the man in question was a complete novice when it comes to dealing with the delicate issues of cheating and/or leaving.


在阅读你最新的文章之时,我深感不安。文章是关于一个白痴老外欺骗了他的中国老婆,然后他老婆请了打手修理了他一顿的故事。这个故事让我想起了很多往事。同时这个男人也让我深表同情。因为很明显,文中的男人,在处理这种欺骗和分手的小case上,真的是个完完全全的新手。

 

如何甩掉中国女友

 


Generally speaking, it seems Chinese women don’t take well to being cheated on/broken up with/hurt in general. No woman should react lightly to these matters, but Chinese ladies are the least elegant in expressing their anger. I still have the scars and angry emails and text messages and two smashed windows to prove it — and I’ve only broken up with one woman (and been “dumped” by another) during my seven years here. You thought the number was higher, didn’t you?


一般而言,中国女人似乎很不喜欢被欺骗/分手/伤害。没有女人会平静的对待这些事情,但是中国女人表达愤怒的方式却是最野蛮的。我还留有伤疤,泄愤的邮件和短消息,还有两扇碎玻璃窗可以证明这一点——而且,在我长达7年的上海生活中,我只甩掉过一个女人(还被另外一个女人甩掉过)。您猜的这个女友数量应该会更高些,对吧!~


The Western man you wrote about was in a stickier situation than I had ever been in, for the simple reason that he was married to his scorned lover, and they had children together. Being a footloose bachelor is one thing, but I don’t condone screwing around on your wife and mother of your kids. Just wanted to make that clear before you bash my head in — once you’ve legally and reproductively committed yourself to a woman, don’t even touch the secretary with a ten foot pole. Stand by your woman and offspring for the next eighteen years, at least. You owe them that.


你文中写到的那个老外的处境比我经历过的任何一次都要棘手。理由简单不过,那就是他和他的中国爱人结婚了,还一起生了孩子。若是个无拘无束的单身汉那时是一回事,但是我无法原谅对背着自己妻子和自己孩子们的母亲四处胡搞的人。请您先不要用板砖拍我,我想说清楚的就是——一旦你在法律上和一个女人结合,并且和她生下了孩子,那就不要和其他女人搞不清楚了。在接下来的最少18年以内,你要陪伴在你的老婆孩子身边。因为这是你欠他们的。


But I am a bachelor, and sometimes in the course of frenetic Shanghai life and love and experience, there comes those moments when you realize the lovely almond-eyed non-missus you are with is not The One, after all, and you must get away.


但是我是个单身汉,在上海疯狂的生活、恋爱和经历中,有时候会直面一些重要时刻,比如说当你认识到到那位和你在一起的可爱的大眼睛女朋友并不是你的真爱的时候,你必须要离开。


But how do you do it? How do you break up? Do you talk face-to-face, like I did with my Swedish college girlfriend? Do you write a heartfelt letter, like I did to my American fiancee once I decided not to leave Shanghai? Those were amicable partings, with traces of hurt, but not hate. Those seemed like the best, most honest methods of leaving someone.


但是你要如何才能脱身呢?你如何提出分手?像我和我大学时代的瑞典女朋友分手时那样,面对面地谈一谈?像我和我美国未婚妻分手时那样,当时我决定留在上海,写一封真诚的信?以上这些都是和平分手,虽然有些伤感,但是丝毫没有恨意。这些似乎是最好的,最真诚的和一个人分手的方法。


Well, they didn’t work in China.


嗯,但是在中国,这些方法都不管用。


My first Chinese girlfriend — I had to end it when she became worse than your Tiger girlfriend. When I tried the face-to-face talk, she changed the topic. When I persisted, she pretended not to understand what I was saying. When I switched to Chinese (I am Eurasian), she asked me who I was sleeping with, and threatened to “expose” me to my employers. I hadn’t cheated, yet. Actually, I never cheated, ever — I sincerely thought we were broken up; she disagreed, even though it’d been a month since I’d firmly told her we were through, and sent her an email as written proof. This was followed by a (fake) pregnancy scare, even though it came long after we’d last been together. She finally stopped sending me angry messages when she found somebody new, a Korean who looked like Rain. When she met him, she quickly disappeared from my life.


我的第一任中国女友——我必须要和她分手,她比你文中的雌老虎女朋友还要厉害。当我试图和她面对面地谈分手,她就转换话题。当我坚持说分手时,她假装不明白我在说什么。我就用中文提分手时(我是欧亚混血儿),她却反问我小三是谁,还威胁说到我公司去曝光我。我并没有欺骗她。实际上,我从来没有欺骗过谁——我由衷地希望我们能分开;在写了一份邮件作为书面证明,坚决地提出和她分手,在此之后的一个月,她还是不同意。而且在距我们上次在一起的很长一段时间之后,她居然还用了假怀孕来吓唬我。最后她终于不再发给我短信了,因为她找到了一个新的目标,一个长得像Rain的韩国人。在他们相遇之后,她很快就从我的生活中消失了。


When my second Chinese girlfriend started telling her friends we would marry by the end of the year (without ever discussing it with me), then moved her clothes in and painted my entire apartment lavender when I was away, I knew it was time for a slow retreat. I’d learned my lesson: the answer to how to dump a Chinese girlfriend? You don’t. It is her job to dump you, you no-good laowai. I instigated my own dumping, using the following steps:


当我的第二任中国女友开始向她的朋友说我们在年底就会结婚(她从来没有和我讨论过这件事情),然后趁我不在家的的时候,她把她的东东都搬到我家来,还把我的房间刷成了淡紫色。我知道我必须要撤了。我已经从上次经历中吸取了教训:怎么样才能甩掉一个中国女友?答案是:不是你甩掉她,而是让她把你甩掉你这个臭老外。我用了如下的步骤,使她把我甩掉:


Be sloppy, unshowered, and unpresentable in public. This may cost you your social life; luckily, I work from home.


懒散,不洗澡,让自己变得拿不出手。这可能会毁掉你的社交生活;幸运的是我在家工作。


Lose your job, or appear to have taken a severe pay cut and be unable to afford anything except instant noodles.


失业,在家赋闲,或者表现得被狠狠的减薪了,只够家里三顿吃泡面的。


Introduce her to new friends of yours, who are eligible bachelors — or at least showered and gainfully employed.


给她介绍些新朋友,比如适合她的单身人士——或者至少要每天洗澡,收入颇丰的人。


That’s it. No Chinese girl (or any girl, really) wants to be with a poor loser she has to support. I blamed my transformation from decent, well-paid chap to sloppy, penniless bum on depression and stress; she dumped me as soon as I started to smell, saying she deserved a better man (like my friend the accountant). I truly hope she’s found happiness. I don’t wish anyone ill.


搞定!不会有中国女人(实际上是没有任何女人)会想和一个还要靠她来养的穷瘪三一起。我成功的完成了从体面的高收入的型男到一个懒惰的,身无分文的乞丐的变身,并为这样的转变找了个借口:因为我意志消沉还承受着巨大的压力。然后,在我才刚刚开始变臭的时候,她就把我甩了,说她应该有一个更好的男人来爱她(就像我的会计师朋友)。我真心地希望她找到了幸福。我不想任何人受到伤害。


The beating-up of the husband is a rare, extreme case, different from anything I’ve ever experienced, but a warning to tread carefully when it comes to matters of the human heart.


这个毒打丈夫的case是一个罕见的,极端的案例,和我所经历的所有情况都不同,但是这是对那些践踏别人心灵的人的一次警告。


Sincerely,


此致敬礼!


Happily Single Man


快乐的单身汉

30
2011-04-26 13:36 编辑:kuaileyingyu
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  • 崇洋媚外的人,就该被老外甩 。爽

    2011-04-26 14:51 回复 支持(2) 反对(3) 沙发
    • Gorgia 说:

      和老外在一起就是崇洋媚外?这两者有关系吗?

      2011-04-29 14:37 回复 支持(8) 反对(0)
  • A friend of mine unmarried before also married a divorced English man, has a lovely two-year old daughter, but recently she said they were broke up, I don't know what's the reason, maybe there are so many difference between them...

    2011-04-26 16:46 回复 支持(5) 反对(0) 板凳
  • 莫小妹 说:

    看好了,选准了。男人应该有责任心,别老想着cheated on/broken up with/hurt in general

    2011-04-27 16:01 回复 支持(5) 反对(0) 地板
  • shendaniel 说:

    Ha... I love the "instigate my own dumping part".

    2011-04-28 13:16 回复 支持(0) 反对(0) 4 楼
  • zzxmcsw 说:

    fuck the laowai ,why do chinese beautiful girls love to marry foreigners ,even the black Africans?? i cann't think it out .

    2011-04-28 17:06 回复 支持(1) 反对(0) 5 楼
    • lxwzone 说:

      I don't think Laowai is at fault in this case, my understanding is that too many people in China live in pain and want to find a way to get away from it. No matter where they go as long as they can leave here. I believe the ultimate goal that they want to get married hastily is just because they need a "green card".

      2011-04-29 12:02 回复 支持(0) 反对(1)
    • 1124朋友 说:

      Even the black Africans? Your attitude is disgusting. You are the reason I always tell people I am from "Africa". If their attitude changes when they find I am "American", I cut ties immediately. Your level of ignorance is no longer tolerable in 2011/2012.

      Stop being a 华鬼 and ask yourself why "you" don't have a beautiful Chinese girl. My culture teaches us to look to ourselves for our lack of something, before looking to blame others.

      I think you need to work on your own attitude before you can begin to become attractive to a "beautiful" girl of any country.

      Amen (美国黑人)

      2011-04-30 17:37 回复 支持(4) 反对(1)
    • 你的英语很好啊,看上去很流畅

      2012-01-11 13:08 回复 支持(0) 反对(0)
  • woolll 说:

    好讽刺啊

    2011-04-29 01:49 回复 支持(1) 反对(0) 6 楼
  • zalaffi 说:

    可能很多看上你的女孩子都不是好的女孩子吧,更可能你自己就某种气质,就只能吸引这样女孩子,好的女孩子并不鸟你的,呵呵。

    2011-05-01 16:16 回复 支持(3) 反对(0) 7 楼
  • 余其梅 说:

    同意7楼得话,我觉得人都是一样的,没有什么地域的区分,不要总是张口闭口中国女孩怎么怎么样的,是不是有点太以偏概全了点吧,物以类聚,人以群分,中国还是有很多很多好女孩的,我相信也有很多优秀的外国男人,而优秀男人,你不是,而,好女孩,我觉得你也不配拥有!

    2011-06-03 13:54 回复 支持(5) 反对(0) 8 楼
    • 我们的女孩们就想着白马王子,整天只会说自己没遇到合适的人。妈的都不跟人家发展发展就草草下结论

      2011-06-19 01:03 回复 支持(0) 反对(1)
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